The Gritty Version of Ranma 12
by Juan Milagro
Summary: This is an uncensored version of the Ranma 1/2 story written by Takahashi Rumiko and published in the US by Viz Comics. Viz bowdlerized the Ranma 1/2 story so badly that it dulled the story. This is my interpretation of it aimed at correcting what Viz left out, changed or otherwise censored. It is not for children or teenagers.
1. Volume 1 Part 1: Ranma Arrives

**Warning: This story contains Mature Content.**

My eldest daughter introduced me to the _Ranma 1/2_ video series one weekend when she returned home from college. The first season captivated me, but the rest was definitely not to my tastes. So, I decided to buy the manga.

Now then, one must justify such an indulgence in one way or another, so I decided that I wanted to learn the Japanese language and culture. I purchased all thirty-eight volumes of the Japanese language tankoban. These open the opposite of western books and magazines, because Japanese is traditionally read from top to bottom and right to left. Then I purchased several Japanese language dictionaries, grammar books and other complex tomes so I could become acquainted with Takahashi's work in her own language.

It was not until later that I found English interpretations of the Ranma 1/2 story online. I was shocked by the differences, even though perhaps I should not have been. The Japanese have very different attitudes about everything than we here in the west have, but they are especially different on matters of sex and sexuality. They are not nearly as prudish as we Americans are-or even the majority of Europeans.

The English interpretations I found on the web render Ranma Saotome and his cohorts as being very conformist and very polite Japanese. This is not what comes across in the Japanese language manga. Ranma is very nearly an American in his overall attitude and approach to life. He never uses any of the built-in niceties of the Japanese language. His dialogue is always as coarse and rude as it can be.

One must also understand that there are two different versions of the Japanese language. One, the very formal and polite version is spoken by the women. The other more coarse and less polite version is spoken by men, but Ranma never bothers with the polite forms that even the men use, even when he is in his female form. This dichotomy in the Japanese is a very large part of the humor in the Ranma 1/2 story, and the humour falls completely flat once it is rendered in English. I have attempted to make up for that in these interpretations of mine.

The Tendo's, by contrast, are very conformist, or as conformist as they can be, given their family situation, but even they are rather offbeat compared to the blandly polite nature of Japanese society as a whole. They and the Saotome defy nearly every convention of Japanese behavior which, I suppose, is what Takahashi-sensei wanted. What author in her right mind wants bland, colorless characters dominating their stories?

For instance, Genma and his wife, Nodoka, are the typical dysfunctional married couple in Japan. Nodoka loathes Genma, and Genma feels honor bound to do right by Nodoka, but cannot bear to be around her long enough to do his duty. Neither character is portrayed as being particularly sane. The remainder of the cast is equally extreme and are satiric stereotypes of typical Japanese people.

While reading this you should bear in mind that this is not a direct word-for-word translation of a text. The Ranma 1/2 story is a comic, and is told mainly in pictures. What little text exists in the story, is written in Japanese and the culture of the Japanese is so different from our own, that it is sometimes a complete mystery to all westerners.

This is _my interpretation_ of what I have seen and read in the Japanese language comics. It is also a reflection of my knowledge of Japanese culture. I have done my best to put this story into a Japanese context, which VIZ never dreamed of doing. I do not blame them for that decision. This story is in a comic book or managa format. There is no room for such niceties.

There will be many who have read the bowdlerized English versions of the story, who will hotly dispute these interpretations of mine. So be it. I am not Japanese and I am unable to speak Japanese. Rather than smoothly translate Japanese into English, I struggle to decode it. Everything here is based on what I have been able to glean from travelogues and the descriptions of Japan and the Japanese that I have been able to find in books and on the world wide web. Hang on to your hats! This is going to be a wild ride.

 **Ranma 1/2, The Gritty Version: Volume 1 Part 1  
Ranma Arrives**

The sign read _"Tendou School of Unrestricted Fighting,"_ which is rather non-lyrical on top of being an uncomfortable mouthful, so we'll say it is the _"Tendou School of Anything Goes Martial Arts."_ That is still rather a mouthful, but at least this revised version has a little better euphony. The Japanese are rather picky about euphony.

What the sign does not say, but all of the locals automatically understood, is that it implied that this astonishingly upscale residence is also the center for an asset recovery service, and that its owner, Soun Tendo, very often goes around with merchants, plumbers, electricians and general contractors for a fee when they are collecting their debts. Normally, all Soun needs to do on such occasions is to wear his dark-colored gi and look menacing-something that Soun was very accomplished at. He made the bulk of his money from these kinds of operations. He was so intimidating that when he ran for a seat on the Nerima city council, no one would run against him.

Soun had three daughters living with him. The eldest was named Kasumi. She took over for her mother after Soun's wife died. She has been going out of her way to be virtuous, and to make a good example for her two younger sisters, largely to no avail. At nineteen, she is very nearly a spinster by Japanese standards.

The middle girl, Nabiki, has a great deal of her mother in her. She is always on the lookout for the next yen, and will do almost anything to make money-except having sex with a guy. Having sex with guys is a very risky business, but having sex with other willing girls is an entirely different thing.

The youngest girl, Akane, fancies herself to be a martial artist, like her father. She works at it very hard. She runs five miles every day in the early morning. She grabs a quick bath when she returns home and then eats breakfast. She and Nabiki then go to school at Furinkan High School several blocks away from their house, Tendo-ke. They take forty-five minutes to get to school on foot, mostly because Nabiki does not like to walk fast and get sweaty, and Akane is still tired from her long morning run.

But this is Saturday and it is not, a school day. Saturday classes were canceled for inclement weather, but the approaching typhoon turned away from Tokyo at the very last minute, spinning into the land down the coast from the big city. It did, however, give Nerima a good soaking rain. Well, a series of thunderstorms, really, but who's worrying about something so minor? Certainly not the mailman. He delivered the mail to Tendou-ke right on time-just before Akane returned from her long run that morning. Soun was surprised to find a postcard from China in his mailbox. He was even more surprised to see that it was from his old friend and partner in minor crime, Genma Saotome.

Interpreted into English it read, _"Have been on a training trip in China. Am returning to Tokyo with Ranma. Will be there soon. Genma."_

This brought tears to Soun's eyes, admittedly it took very little to bring tears to the eyes of Soun Tendou since the death of his wife, but this was an especially emotional moment for him. The promises would finally be realized at last. Genma's son would marry one of Soun's daughters, and the he and Saotome would have a nice long lazy future to look forward to. Surely the boy, being young and vital, could take over the combined schools and do well for all of them. Soun and Genma would take only advisory roles in the family business. It would be all sunshine and shogi (Japanese chess) from now on-and Kasumi's cooking. Mustn't forget that.

Soun jumped to his feet and called out in an excited voice, "Akane!"

There was no answer, so he ran and stuck his head into the kitchen. "Kasumi!"

Kasumi was in the middle of cutting up vegetables for supper and was startled half out of her wits. She very nearly nipped her finger with the sentoku she was cutting the vegetables with.

She looked up from her cutting board with widened eyes and asked, "Father?"

Soun was too excited to pay attention to what he had just nearly done to his eldest daughter. He ran up the stairs and shouted, "Nabiki!"

Nabiki was stretched out on her bed reading a clothing catalog and was working on a frozen fruit treat on a stick when her father shouted her name.

"Mmm?" She grunted too late. Soun ran back down the stairs shouting Akane's name.

"Where can that girl be?" Soun demanded to no one in particular. "She's never around when I want her."

Knowing that Akane should be returning from her daily run and would most likely go out to the dojou, Nabiki went downstairs after her father to see what he wanted. It came as a shock. Kasumi was standing in the main room drying her hands with a dish towel, while her father was running from room to room calling out Akane's name.

"What's going on, Sis?" Nabiki asked.

"Father said something about an omiai," Kasumi said with a blush. "I'm not sure when it is to take place, but apparently, all three of us need to attend."

[Note: An omiai is a special meeting between prospective wedding partners, typically arranged by a paid matchmaker. The man usually picks up the tab for any expenditures along with the matchmaker's fee.]

This brought Nabiki up short. "All three of us? What are we supposed to be? Brood mares?"

"Well, you know father. That is how he thinks of us."

"Akane!" Soun shouted. "Where is that girl?" The rain insisted on muffling the Tendou patriarch's shouts.

"Oh, this is going to be fun," Nabiki said in a wry voice. "Aren't you looking forward to meeting our new beaus?"

"I just hope there's an older man among them," Kasumi said. "Boys need to be raised, and I think I have had enough of raising children."

"You stay here, Sis," Nabiki said with an evil grin. "I'll go fetch Akane."

"Oh, I do hope she'll be tolerant. She is such a fussbudget."

"Especially when it comes to boys, huh?" Nabiki said over her shoulder as she strolled out to the dojou. Kasumi shuddered.

Why her father never looked in the dojou to find Akane was something of a mystery to Nabiki. Akane was seldom anywhere else in Tendo-ke. She spent whole days on end in the dojo doing kata and other martial arts related exercise. Sure enough, Nabiki strolled in just as Akane finished off a pile of helpless hadite blocks.

"There you go again, working out your frustrations on innocent cinder blocks. No wonder all the boys at school think you're queer."

"I don't care, Nabiki," Akane said in her preternaturally sharp voice. "For some of us, the whole world does not revolve around boys."

"No?" Nabiki asked in a nonchalant tone of voice as she placed both hands on the back of her head, thus forcing her breasts into very notable prominence. Nabiki then turned her back on her younger sister and said, "Then I don't suppose that this would interest you." Nabiki strolled back into the house and left Akane in the dojou, expectind Akane's curiosity to do the rest.

Nabiki's trick worked. The three of them sat down on one side of the dinner table while their father sat on the other-alone. Nabiki was amused by the entire thing, and fully intended to play it for every last laugh she could get out of it. She was the family bookkeeper and knew full well how her father's business was conducted. She also knew that her younger sister's efforts were for naught. Akane would never be able to step into her father's shoes. Japan was a patriarchy and would remain so for the foreseeable future. Akane would die of old age before society would respect her the way it did Soun Tendo.

Tough smart women realized the nature of Japanese society and adopted their own rules for survival. A great many of them in Kasumi's generation and younger were refusing to marry, living at home with their parents. Akane, on the other hand, seemed bound and determined to live in defiance the rules. She was doing her best to become a male. Biology was getting in her way, of course, but Akane never let something like reality bother her or force her to deviate from what she wanted. Nope. The girl was determined to get what she wanted in the exact fashion she wanted to get it. Nabiki had tried several times to convince her younger sister to become more adaptable, but to no avail. Once Akane made up her mind about something, it was nearly impossible to persuade her that she was wrong.

Not that it mattered, of course. Nabiki had her own plans for the poor hapless schmucks about to be delivered into her needle sharp claws. They would get no where with any of them, if Nabiki had any say in the matter. She knew and understood how desperate to get away Kasumi was, even though a casual observer would think that Kasumi was perfectly content. Akane seemed to really and truly hate boys, but she was secretly turned on by them, and was at war with herself over it. Nabiki pretended to like boys, but actually preferred their money to them. Their money would never get her pregnant, while the boys could if she let them. She did have sexual urges, but took that out on the girls who were willing, at Furinkan and other high schools in the Nerima district. Her father's pitch on behalf of their upcoming omiai was laughable and lame, just as she had expected.

"He is the son of a very good friend of mine. His name is Ranma Saotome. He'll be here later today. If one of you three were to marry him, then this dojou's future wold be secure."

Nabiki stifled a laugh as her two sisters became both outraged and alarmed. There three Tendou girls, yet her oaf of a father had the gall to bring in only one guy. _What frikkin' laugh!_ Her inner voice screamed.

"Wait just a damned minute," Akane shouted. Her voice was loud enough to drown out the steady rain. "Don't we get some say in who we marry?"

"Akane's right, Father," Kasumi chimed in. "We've never even met this-Ranma-before."

"That shortcoming is easily overcome," Soun said with unruffled calm. "He will be here today."

 **END OF FIRST SCENE**

Out on the far western fringe of Nerima, Genma Saotome was having a difficult time with his suddenly recalcitrant son. Well, to be truthful the boy was a girl at that particular moment because they had been caught out in the rain. Genma was not himself either, but was instead in his panda form. The onlookers, quite understandably, had no clue about what was actually happening. As far as they could tell, a cute red headed oriental girl, that's right, red headed and oriental, she even had blue eyes beneath her epicanthal folds, was fighting off a panda. To their astonishment, the girl seemed to have the upper hand with the panda.

Genma could care less about what the crowd of onlookers thought. His focus was on his feminine son. He was desperate to get the boy to Tendou-ke so that the boy could meet one of Soun's three daughters. Ranma had just turned sixteen. The boy's testicles had finally dropped. They might have descended sooner, but Genma had kept his son on short rations for the whole of their ten year training trip. He had not known that food and body weight had a lot to do with the onset of puberty with both boys and girls.

In fact, Ranma had not shown any interest in girls as girls until he had fallen into that spring at Jusenkyou. Now the boy was determined to find a cure for his curse, and wanted to return to China. Genma knew that they had already worn out their welcome in that huge country. It was communistic; they were rowdy Japanese low-lifes. There was no way they could go back anytime soon. The fact that they had roamed across the whole of China being pursued by a fanatical member of the Amazon tribe had stirred up so much trouble for them, that Genma doubted that they would be able to safely return for at least a decade.

His son, on the other, hand, did not have a clue about how the real world worked. He just wanted to be rid of his curse, and seemed willing to kill Genma if it became necessary for him to do so. Fortunately, old age and treachery were more than a match for youth and enthusiasm.

Shortly after Onna-Ranma [Note: Onna is Japanese for woman.] threw his panda form father to the ground and announced that he had not time for fiancées, which the onlooking mob found puzzling because Ranma was in his female form when he said it, and that he was going back to China and that Genma could suck on it if he did not like it. Ranma proceeded to put on his heavy pack and started marching off, when Genma spied a nearby traffic sign that he could pull out of the ground easily. He grabbed the sign in his right paw, pulled it out of the ground and whacked the back of Onna-Ranma's head with it. This had the satisfying result of rendering the unsuspecting Onna-Ranma unconscious without so much as a whimper.

Genma picked his son up and threw him over his shoulder as though the boy were a sack of potatoes. The crowd looked as though they might try to interfere with him, so he roared at them. They all backed away immediately. He grabbed their two heavy packs and made his way toward Tendo-ke, disappearing into the curtains of rain.

 _Damn! I hope Soun is having better luck with his girls than I am with this hard headed boy of mine. Oh, hell! It doesn't really matter. The boy's nuts have dropped, and Soun's youngest is sixteen by now. They are all in their prime breeding years. Ranma's not bad looking, so if we can just keep them together for a while, nature will take its course-I hope. This crazy curse complicates things no end._

Back at Tendo-ke, Nabiki was being overly enthusiastic, while her two sisters were blatantly reluctant. Nabiki had her father right where she wanted him. She could smell-no-taste!-the money she was going to claw out of him. They had been living off of the last big score he had made, right before he married their mother. He had been very active as a husband and provider up until her mother died. Now all father did was to take light duty work that came in from the locals. It was all small time stuff, and Nabiki wanted more. Life around Tendo-ke was boring her out of her skull.

"My old friend Genma and his son, Ranma, have spent the last ten years yamagomori [NOTE: Yamagomori is wandering about living off the land while getting in as much martial arts training as can be done.]. At the very end, they crossed over into China," Soun announced in pompous tones.

"China?" Nabiki asked as though that really tripped her out. 9China at that time was still very much a backwater unless one was speaking of Shanghai or Hong Kong. The rest of China was basically just fly-over country to be avoided by people who preferred the comforts of civilization.) "That's so, neat!"

Kasumi, the eldest remained unimpressed. "How old is he, Father?"

Akane was even less impressed. "Hmph! What's so great about walking to China? It's just walking. Anybody can walk."

The falling rain filled the ensuing silence with tiny pattering sounds as though a herd of kittens were playing on the roof of the house.

Nabiki fought off the urge to tell her younger sister that China was on the other side of the Sea of Japan, and that there was no walking to China, but managed to restrain herself for the sake of wry amusement. Their father seemed rather perturbed by the reactions of his youngest and eldest daughters. He seemed encouraged by his middle daughter's reactions though, and that was exactly what Nabiki wanted. She had plans for this Ranma and his father-and herself, of course.

"What kind of man is this Ranma, Father?" Kasumi asked.

"Yeah, is he good looking?" Nabiki asked. Akane snorted and turned her head as though she were completely disinterested, but Nabiki knew better. She knew that Akane's nipples were so hard that they ached.

"I have no idea," Soun said. "I have yet to meet him."

"No idea?" Nabiki and Kasumi chorused. Nabiki was secretly amused and not the least bit surprised, but Kasumi was beside herself with shock and embarrassment. Akane merely rolled her eyes and continued to feign disinterest.

 _Akane whips every boy Furinkan has on its roles on a daily basis, so she probably thinks that this Ranma guy will be a pushover,_ Nabiki thought. _I'm betting that he is a lot better than she is. It's going to be fun watching her get her comeuppance for a change. I must protect Kasumi, though. She's the obvious choice among the three of us. He might choose her and they will both be miserable for the rest of their lives. Oh, the sacrifices I make for my family._

About that time, they all heard a loud ruckus at the front door. Nabiki gasped.

An unfamiliar, but high pitched voice howled in language that only a Japanese male would use, "Getcher nasty paws offa me you doofy bastard!"

"That must be them!" Nabiki exclaimed. She got to her feet and thrust her breasts forward as she ran for the front door. Soun fell in behind is middle daughter.

Kasumi slowly rose to her feet and fiddled with her hair. "I do so hope he's older. Younger men bore me."

Akane got to her feet with a sigh and then muttered, "How depressing. Boys! I hate them!"

Nabiki was shocked by what she saw at the door when her father opened it. There was a panda and a red headed waif fighting tooth and nail on the doorstep. The panda picked the waif up and threw it over its shoulder. The waif began pounding the panda's back while screeching the longest string of curses that Nabiki had ever heard. This apparition panicked her and her father. They turned together and thundered back down the hall towards the tatami room as fast as they could run, with the panda and the red headed waif in close pursuit.

"Ah, come on, Shit-daddy! Put me down. Look at what yer doin', wouldja? Yer scarin' 'em spit-less! They got no idea of who you are, you ignorant ass!"

Nabiki stared as the panda set the waif on its feet in front of them. Nabiki could not tell at first whether the waif was male of female. All she could tell was that it needed a bath very badly. The panda stank as well. There were literally caked with road grime and sweat. The waif seemed deeply embarrassed-as well it should.

"I'm Ranma Saotome," the waif said in a contrite voice. "I am very sorry about this."

That was the most polite thing that Nabiki had heard coming from the waif's mouth.

"Father, is this your friend?" Kasumi asked in a frightened voice.

Soun vigorously shook his head no, making his long hair flail about like the tail of a horse harried by flies.

"Oh, so this panda just dropped this waif off!" Nabiki shouted sarcastically. "Happens all the time! Why should we be surprised?"

Nabiki suddenly remembered her game plan. The waif had introduced itself as Ranma Saotome. _So, where is his father? Why did a panda carry him in here over its shoulder?_

Soun broke into tears, as he was to prone to do. "You're-you're Ranma?"

The waif nodded his head. Soun was overcome with joy and seized him by the upper arms, and then pulled him into a bear hug. That was when Nabiki saw the alarms in her father's head go off. It was like watching his head explode. He pushed the foul smelling waif back and then proceeded to work his hands over its hour glass figure.

 _Wait a minute! Hourglass figure? Why would a boy have an hourglass figure?_ Nabiki thought. _Surely he's not a girl? How could Daddy be so confused about his old friend's kid?_

Nabiki waited for an opening, ran up to Ranma an poked at a bulbous projection on "his" chest. It was very soft and the nipple was puckered from the cold.

The waif was clearly made uncomfortable by Nabiki's attention said in a soft voice, "Hang on a minute. Please stop doing that."

Nabiki turned her head so that everyone would hear her and shouted, "He's a she!"

All that could be heard for a prolonged stretch of time was the pattering of the falling rain. Soun fell on his back in a dead faint, banging his head on the tatami [NOTE: Tatami are mats made of rice straw and they are used to cover the formal rooms of Japanese homes.] Kasumi fetched a pillow while Akane raised her father's head and then lowered it gently to the pillow that Kasumi had brought. Everyone, including the panda and the waif, sat around staring at the inert Tendo patriarch. Nabiki could only just barely contain herself when Kasumi started bathing his brow with cool water. A short gust of wind howled outside, blowing rain against the outer walls for a few seconds. A little wind blown mist made its way into the tatami room, licking all their faces as though a clowder of ghostly cats passed through. Soun moaned and groaned. Nabiki forced herself to hold in her giggles for later.

"Poor Daddy," Kasumi said in her normally polite way, "He was so disappointed that he passed out."

"Disappointed?" Nabiki shouted. "He's disappointed? He got us a girl for a fiancé! What do you make of that?"

"Oh, knock it off, Sis!" Akane all but shouted. "He-I mean she's our guest."

Nabiki noticed that the waif was staring hard at the tatami as though it might well be given a pop quiz on what a rice mat looked like. Her pose screamed, _I'm embarrassed beyond all belief_ , which hit Nabiki's rather sadistic funny bone. She took it out on her father, of course.

"This is all your fault, Dad!" Nabiki shouted. "How could you have made such a silly mistake?"

"Genma told me that his wife had a boy, not a girl!" Soun suddenly spoke up in his own defense, but Nabiki was in the mood to needle him.

She seized the waif's left breast and gave it a squeeze. "This is a girl's, you know!" She gave Ranma's breast another hard squeeze just to feel her nipple stiffen again. "You'll never find one of 'em on a guy!"

"Please stop, doing that," Ranma managed to get out in an embarrassed croak.

Nabiki gave it yet one more squeeze just to make certain how the girl was reacting. She was definitely being turned on despite herself.

Akane suddenly rose to her feet and asked the blushing Onna-Ranma, "Would you like to have a look at our dojou?"

Nabiki watched Ranma give Akane a grateful stare.

"My name is Akane. Would you like to be friends?"

 _That melted Ranma like butter sitting on the stove,_ Nabiki thought. _She must have led a long lonely life so far. She has enough muscle to be a guy, under all that_ feminine _good looks. Even though it is all hidden under several weeks of travel grime. I wonder where her father is? It doesn't matter. He's a she and the party is over now. I think I'll go back upstairs. I have a lot of wishing left to do._

Nabiki went back upstairs leaving Kasumi to look after their useless father and their newly acquired pet panda, as Akane led Ranma out to her prized dojou. Nabiki found herself trying to suppress a derisive snort. _Good luck, Akane. You have just met your match. That girl is worth ten of your feathery butt._

 **END OF SECOND SCENE**

Akane had been longing to have another girl to test herself against. Soun had long ago stopped training her seriously. All he would do was guide her through the family school's kata. There were twelve of them, and Akane practiced them all everyday, but it was not the same as having a well-practiced opponent to test oneself against.

The two of them stopped at the door to the dojou and bowed to the kamidana [NOTE: Kamidana literally means "God-shelf," which is a small shrine hung on a wall in each and very Japanese dojo.] in unison.

Formalities finished the two of them entered the sacred space. Ranma looked around casually as though she were deeply impressed. Akane found herself preening over that. "You've been studying kempo [NOTE:Kenpo is Chinese self-defense.], yes?"

"A little," Ranma replied in a modest voice. She sounded timid To Akane.

Good, Akane thought. She's intimidated. I may as well have a go at her now. It will be my best shot at winning against her. Daddy has never taken me yamagomori and her father has-for ten years! She must know a hell of a lot more about the art than I do.

Thunder rumbled in the near distance as Akane adopted her favorite ready stance from the first kata.

"Why don't we have a little match, then?" She asked Ranma.

All signs of timidity vanished from Ranma's cute face. She suddenly looked confident-too confident for Akane's liking.

"Don't worry," Akane said in a voice that sounded brave, but she knew that she was quivering from the top of her scalp to the very soles of her bare feet. "I'll go easy on you."

Ranma grinned. "Really?"

Then, to Akane's fear and utter fury, Ranma stood watching her keenly with her hands behind her back. Akane pulled in a deep breath through her nose and launched the first punch she had learned in the first kata [NOTE: Kata is the Japanese word for form. Each school of martial arts has its own unique kata, even though many of them are so similar that they are difficult for a layman to distinguish. Oh, and Japanese nouns do not have plural forms.]. Ranma slipped it easily with a wan smile on her face. That angered Akane even more. She was determined to make this girl respect her skills.

Akane worked her way through all twelve of the kata, throwing everything she knew at the odd girl, but Ranma easily stepped to one side, hopped over her attacks or simply slipped her punches with a minimum of effort.

Is she reading my moves? Akane wondered. I've got to try harder.

She started mixing up the moves she had learned in the kata, but Ranma seem to see exactly what she was going to do in advance. She may as well have handed the girl her entire game plan written out on a piece of paper. No, that was not right. This girl was good and had hours and hours of practice. Akane tried to speed up her moves, but to no avail. Ranma just kept dancing and dodging out of Akane's way. Akane could not touch the red headed girl. It made Akane furious.

She began to tire after about twenty minutes, and she misjudged one of her punches. Ranma leapt straight up into the air as Akane's fist slammed into the wall behind her and broke through it. It was as though the wood of the wall was paper.

This seemed to mildly impress Ranma, as she landed behind Akane. Akane was trying to extricate her hand without driving any splinters into her arm and wrist. Ranma poked the back of Akane's head with the tip of her index finger and let out a very feminine giggle. She sounded as though she were embarrassed.

Akane laughed out loud. Here she was, her hand caught in a wall and helpless, but the girl was satisfied to touch the back, of her head with a gentle poke. Ranma hastened to help Akane free her hand even as they laughed.

"That is about as decisive as I could ever ask for!" Akane said in an admiring voice. "You won!"

Ranma shyly gave Akane a sad little smile in return. It seemed as though she regretted her easy victory. Akane rushed ahead with what she wanted to say next anyway. "I'm just glad that you are not a boy. I would hate losing to a boy." Akane shuddered. "I don't know what I would do if that ever happened."

Ranma seemed to be deeply disturbed by this, but said nothing. They took their time cooling down in the dojo with light exercise for the next few minutes with the sound of the incessant rain outside as their only accompaniment.

 **END OF THIRD SCENE**

Back in the house, Genma had scrubbed down and was getting a hot bath, which changed him back into his natural form. Soun recognized him as soon as he stepped out of the furoba.

They went back to the tatami room and sat down for a long tearful conversation about the Saotomes' prolonged yamagomori. It was a long sad story, not all that unusual for a trouble prone man like Genma. They were sitting in tearful silence across from one another. The rain had finally dropped to a mere sprinkle, and the atmosphere quickly became muggy. The engawa door was wide open and an oscillating fan was moving as much air as it possibly could.

Nabiki strolled by the tatami room on her way to the kitchen saying nothing, but took note of the stranger sitting opposite of her father. She made her way into the kitchen and asked Kasumi about him, "Who's that old man sitting in there with, Daddy, Kasumi?"

"I have no idea," Kasumi answered in her usually calm voice. "Would you see to it that the furo [NOTE:Furo is Japanese for hot tub. Nearly every Japanese domicile has on in some form or another, many of them are ingenious owing to the small size of most Japanese houses. Where possible, the toilet(s) is in a room of its own.] is hot for Akane and Ranma, please?"

"Sure, Sis," Nabiki said cheerfully. "I'll go check it right now.

Being the one who actually wrote out the checks to pay the bills, Nabiki was eager to make certain that they economized in every way possible. It cost a great deal of money to heat enough water to fill a furo. She had been after Soun to buy an on demand heater for it for months to no avail. He wanted fresh water to soak in. Nabiki did not care about second or third uses of hot water, provided they did not have to spend a fortune on both water and gas, but her old fashioned father did not agree with her.

Nabiki walked into the furoba [NOTE: a furoba is a two part room for bathing. One part is for soaping up and scrubbing, often with only cold water, the other half will usually contain the furo, or hot tub, for soaking.]. She cast her eye around the small steamy room and spied some coarse black and white hairs on the floor drain in the wash area. With a shrug, she stuck her hand in the furo. She decided that the water needed to be warmed a little for the waif and her sister, so she drained a few inches of water out and then replaced it with fresh hot water. It was then that she spotted yet more black and white hair clinging to the side of the furo.

She worried that it would gross Akane out so she scooped it up and walked out of the furoba. She turned and went upstairs without saying anything to her father and the chunky middle aged man sitting across from him. She shook her head. Both of the men had tears streaming down their faces and the fading sunlight glinted off the shining trails running down their cheeks. The chunky man with the old fashioned glasses and battered gi looked for all the world like a Crying Buddha, which caused Nabiki to shiver involuntarily.

 **END OF FOURTH SCENE**

Kasumi finished up the vegetables and went to see about her younger guest. Ranma was sitting on the engawa with her legs dangling over the edge, staring morosely at a spot on the distant garden wall.

"The bath is ready, Ranma-chan," Kasumi said to the red headed waif.

"No-No, I don't really need to bathe, right now," Ranma said.

Kasumi sniffed. "What are you talking about? You've been working out, and you needed a bath when you arrived this morning. Now, go get a bath. Dinner will be ready soon."

Ranma looked sheepish and nodded her fiery head as she accepted the towel Kasumi had offered her. She trudged off toward the furo as though she were about to attend her own execution.

Kasumi watched Ranma's back as she left the engawa, shaking her head with disapproval. _More trouble_ , Kasumi thought. _This is the karma my father has brought upon his family for his sins. Buddha give me patience. Life is so hard when you have a family like mine. It is nearly impossible to make up for their sins._

Ranma realized that Kasumi had been right as he pealed off his clothing. He really was dirty and smelly. His heavy breasts, which he hated with a passion, flopped around uncomfortably as he dragged one of the plastic bathing stools out into the scrubbing area of the furoba. He sat down on it and soaped up with genuine relief. He was in dire need of a bath, sure enough, and it felt good to be washing himself clean, even if he was in his cursed form. Once he was thoroughly scrubbed and rinsed, he climbed into the furo for a nice hot soak, for which his muscles seemed to have been crying out for days without him having noticed their condition.

It felt tremendously good to sit down in a large tub of hot water. He transformed into his natural form as his feet touched the steaming hot water, but he had expected that. It felt good to be male and warming up at the same time.

 _Shit! What am I going to tell that Akane girl? She thinks that I'm a girl just like her-well-not just like her. She's bound to know that I'm a better fighter than she is, but she's confused about my sex and with good reason. The change is complete every time I get hit with cold water. Damn you, Shit-daddy! This is yet another fine mess you have gotten me into. One more thing and I swear I'm gonna leave your lazy ass here and go looking for a cure to this curse._

 **END OF FIFTH SCENE**

As Akane stepped up onto the engawa, Nabiki reached the bottom of the stairs.

"There's hot water in the furo, Akane!" Nabiki said as she headed for the kitchen. "Better get bathed. Dinner's almost ready."

"Thank you, Nabiki. I need a bath pretty badly."

Akane walked into the dressing part of the furoba and saw Ranma's clothes lying on top of the overloaded hamper.

"I guess we can bathe together," Akane said aloud as she stripped off her sticky gi. It had turned yellow over the years from having been soaked repeatedly in her sweat. She had really worked it hard, but Ranma had defeated her almost out of hand. Akane was eager to have another talk with the strange red head.

 _Oh, well, at least Ranma's a girl,_ Akane thought. _I won't have to worry about her getting any ideas about me the way I would have to worry about a boy wanting to take me right after he defeated me._

With that thought still running through her head, Akane picked up a towel and held it in front of herself for the sake of polite modesty. She was shocked witless by what she saw as she stepped into the bathing room. There was this lean, but muscular boy clambering out of the furo. His belly was rippled and his shoulders were broad and square. He was deeply tanned as though he had been outside a great deal with a minimum of clothing. In other words, he was the most gorgeous specimen of a young male that Akane had ever laid her eyes on.

He had just stepped on the edge of the furo with his right foot when she walked in. Her eyes followed the contours of his body down to his hairy crotch, where his prick was rapidly swelling and lengthening. In mere seconds it was as long as half his thigh, as big around as a soda can; it started throbbing with tiny little jerks. Akane had never been so thrilled by the sight of anything in her entire life. Her nipples stood up as her labia moistened and started puffing out, and her eyes got as wide as dinner plates.

Then a question ran through her head. Who is this guy and what is he doing in our furoba? Her arousal vanished as quickly as it had manifested itself when her fear started stabbing her heart. She dropped her towel, stepped back into the dressing room, put on the top of her gi. Thus partially dressed, she stepped out into the engawa. There, she put her back to the door, sucked in a deep, deep breath, and then started screeching at the top of her voice.

"Chikan! There's a masher in our furoba! She sprinted down the engawa until she reached the open sliding doors and ran out into the yard. She then pushed the cap off of the stone lantern in the yard and seized its body and heaved it up off its pedestal.

"I'll pin that low life stripper to the bottom of the furo with this heavy weight!" Akane screamed.

By now, everyone in the house had their attention on her, but Nabiki was the first to ask an intelligent question, "What's going on, Akane? Why are you picking up that heavy rock?

"There's a perverted boy in the furo! I'm going to drop this heavy-assed lamp on him!" Akane shouted in answer.

"Why didn't you just use your martial arts on him?" Nabiki asked.

"Because he startled me out of my wits, okay?" Akane shouted back.

Kasumi was suddenly horrified. "Oh, my! Ranma-chan was in there. I hope he didn't assault her!"

At that moment, Ranma in his naturally masculine form stepped out of the furoba into the engawa and said, "Well, uh..."

"Who is he?" Nabiki asked. She was very much taken with the boy's general appearance.

Kasumi exclaimed, "Oh, my darling!" She was completely mesmerized.

Akane simply stared in hostile silence. She had already gotten more than two eyeballs full of the young man now fully dressed in clean clothes and standing in the engawa.

"Ranma Saotome, here. Sorry about all this," Ranma said in a very contrite yet very masculine voice. He was clearly embarrassed by the current situation.

Akane, who had seen him naked _and_ fully tumescent, was horrified. Her older sisters were simply captivated by his appearance and were so busy undressing him in their imaginations that they never gave the idea that he claimed to have the same name as the red headed waif a second thought."

Akane suddenly remembered what she was holding, and put the large stone body of the lamp back on its pedestal. Soun managed to calm things down and herded them all into the tatami room. After everyone was seated in seiza, the typical formal sitting position traditional with the Japanese, as well as being reasonably calm, Soun cleared his throat and said, "Allow me reintroduce our guests. This is my old friend and his son."

Genma spoke up and his voice rumbled like large rocks in an avalanche, "Saotome Genma here, and this is my son..."

"Ranma," the very male Ranma said, finishing Genma's sentence. Unlike the girl they had met earlier, This Ranma's hair was as black and straight as any Japanese, but it had reddish highlights and his eyes were a stormy grey-blue.

Genma, on the other hand, was wearing a white rag on his head and was clad in an ancient white gi that had seen better days. His glasses lacked earpieces, but had elastic bands looped behind his ears. He had stubborn stubble on his chin that had resisted Soun's razor and he looked much like two large pieces of rounded stone heaped one on top of the other. He was burned deep brown by prolonged exposure to the sun, just as Ranma was. They looked as though they might be from another race, compared to the other men the girls had seen.

 **END OF LAST SCENE OF PART 1 VOLUME 1**

 _Those of you who have read the manga in conjunction with this interpretation will realize that I have added some thoughts and dialogue that is not in the original story. As soon as you make an attempt to convert any comic to prose, I'm sure that you will understand why this is the case. Things that are obvious from pictures are not obvious in prose. Further, I made an effort to put this story into what I believe is its proper cultural context and have relied on interviews of Takahashi-sensei about the Ranma 1/2 story._


	2. Volume 1 Part 2: Ranma's Secret

**Volume 1 Part 2**

 **Ranma's Secret**

Genma Saotome took in what was going on between his son and Soun's three daughters, and did not like what he saw. The three girls were deeply suspicious of him and his son, while his son seemed to be pining over Soun's youngest daughter, Akane, who seemed to be the one most upset by what had happened.

Akane had donned a sea blue shift that had something in English imprinted on it in Romanji type. She was biting the nail of the forefinger of her right hand, while her left was clinched on the hem of her shift. She glared at Ranma with her eyes burning like twin fires on a mountaintop.

Never let it be said that Genma was a patient and forgiving man. He was not. He was very resentful of the attitude Soun's daughters were displaying towards him and his son. He was even less impressed with the behavior of his son.

 _What the hell is the matter with him? I didn't bring him up to turn soft at the attention of one girl. I mean, look at what he did to that Amazon. Is this scrawny Japanese girl of Soun's that much different? Hell, she is not nearly as good looking as that Amazon bimbo was._

Nabiki beat Genma to the punch by asking Ranma, "What kind of thing are you?"

Kasumi chimed in with, "Are you truly that girl we met earlier?"

Frustration forced a growl from Genma. He said in his most pompous and grating voice,"Because I'm not sure how to explain this..." He stopped talking and seized Ranma by his shirt and threw him across the yard so that he landed in the koi pond.

Ranma disappeared for a moment, then popped up out of the water as an enraged girl and shouted, "Why do you throw me around as though I'm just cargo?"

Akane's face softened into sympathy, while the older girls remained in a state of shock.

"Hey-ey!" Nabiki exclaimed.

Kasumi said, "That girl is..."

Genma then exclaimed, "Oh, my son has such an awful appearance inside!" [NOTE: For the noun, son, Genma used musuko, a Japanese word that could also be taken to mean "my penis."

Then, too fast for the untrained eye to follow, Onna-Ranma ran up behind Genma. He leaped into the air and planted both his feet in the small of Genma's back. Genma let out a pained grunt before falling into the pond with a spectacular splash. He emerged growling in his panda form.

"You're not the only one who can complain!" Onna-Ranma shouted in his girlish voice. He crossed his arms beneath his more than ample breasts; he was soaked to the skin and was mad as a wet hen.

"Father, your friends are not what they seem," Kasumi said in Soun's ear."

Onna-Ranma and Panda-no-Genma were going at it hammer and tongs in the background. Soun stared sadly at the two for a moment before answering, "You have yet to hear all the details, Kasumi-chan. They are like this because of the terrifyingly harsh training they endured in China."

* * *

Onna Ranma and his cursed father eventually got too tired to fight anymore; they then retired to the furoba for yet another bath, which set Nabiki's teeth on edge over the expense of more gas burned and more water wasted.

Once they had finished with their bath, they returned to the tatami room and sat seiza across from Soun and his three daughters. Genma then related their tale of woe in his gravelly voice.

"Well, let's see now, a mere two weeks ago we were on Mount Quanjing in the Bayankala range of Qinghai province China. There were some legendary springs there that I had learned about. The Chinese government had a custodian posted there to guard the place. He was a bumbling lout that could not really speak Japanese all that well. He tried to say something about the springs being cursed, but I was too focused on Ranma's training to pay much attention to him."

Ranma ground his teeth at this and rolled his storm-gray eyes toward the heavens in exasperation. "The custodian said, 'This place is so dangerous and harsh that no one ever trains here anymore,' ya dumbass!"

"You said you liked it hard and dangerous, boy, so don't be critical of me!" Genma shouted. Genma turned his head back towards his shocked hosts and said in his soft rumbling voice, "There were over a hundred springs at Jusenkyou, or Springs-of-Sorrow, and each had its own bamboo pole sticking up out of the water."

Ranma again rolled his eyes and gave out an exasperated sigh. Genma threw him an unappreciative glare, before continuing with their increasingly sad story. "The flexible nature of bamboo makes it a good object upon which to exercise one's ki [The word "ki," means spirit or inner energy. In Chinese the word "chi" is used.]. So I jumped up on the tip of one first."

"I landed on mine, first!" Ranma interjected. Genma gave his son yet another glare before continuing, "As you will remember from our own training, Tendo-kun, fighting from the tops of such poles is very difficult."

Soun responded with a grim nod of his head as tears welled up in the corners of his eyes.

Onna-Ranma said, "It was so difficult that I won the first fall."

Genma gave his son a tired looking glare before continuing. "I fell into the cursed pool and emerged a panda."

"And I was so upset and rattled that he succeeded in knocking me off my pole on his next attack," Ranma added."

Genma's face screwed up as though his stomach was in great pain. "The boy fell into the pool below and came out looking like-like a girl!"

"Whaddaya mean looking like, Shit-daddy?" Ranma asked with barely contained fury. "I came out of the water with breasts and no dick!"

Soun interrupted the red-headed waif. "So the legendary Springs-of-Sorrow training ground turns out to be truly mysterious..."

Onna-Ranma Ranma's aura boiled around him as he grabbed the front of his father's gi with his right hand. "Hey, Shit-daddy, how dare you take me to such an awful place?"

Genma merely gave his son a hard grim stare. All of the Tendo clan could see why, even Kasumi. They had all been taught what to do if someone grabs the front of your shirt. It surprised no one but Ranma when Genma sent him sailing across the yard into the koi pond once again.

* * *

The red-headed waif with large plump breasts popped up out of the water spluttering his rage and choking on the pond water.

"You act like a pussy, Ranma!" Genma shouted. "You should treasure your art enough to throw away your life if that is what it takes!"

Onna-Ranma gritted her teeth until tears came into his deep blue eyes. He whispered, "My life I would gladly have sacrificed..." Onna-Ranma then surprised everyone by suddenly appearing on the engawa with a bucket of cold pond water. He shouted as he splashed his father, "...but not my man parts, you blithering idiot!"

The red-headed waif and the panda immediately began fighting as though their lives depended on the outcome.

"Stop fighting!" Kasumi shouted.

Nabiki realized then that her elder sister had seen all that she could take, and was starting to feel sorry for the waif. _How typical of Kasumi,_ Nabiki thought., _ever the soft touch._

"Uncle Saotome, what possessed you to do such a thing? Taking your child to an awful place like that was a criminal act! Why did you do that?" Kasumi now had Genma-no-Panda by his gi, while she shouted right in his face.

Genma-no-Panda responded by dropping a soft cover book on the floor. Kasumi read the title aloud. "An Exhaustive Guide to the Martial Arts Training Grounds of China?"

Nabiki looked at the book and immediately realized the same thing that Kasumi had. The Japanese developed their written language from Chinese characters sometime during the dark mists of unrecorded history, but both languages had undergone some major changes since that time. Right after World War II, the Japanese had reduced the number of characters they were using, and simplified many of them so that printing on paper would be more affordable. The Chinese had done much of the same thing, but the changes were not the same. In fact, matters were made even more complicated because of Taiwan's independence of the mainland. They had made additional changes as well.

Japanese speakers could sort of make out what the Chinese characters meant, vaguely, because each ideogram stands for a particular concept from which many words could be derived by different pronunciations, and the addition of other characters, but they were simply unable to get a clear idea of what written Chinese was actually trying to convey. It was a complex guessing game at best.

"This is a Chinese language guidebook and map!" Nabiki exclaimed.

Kasumi looked at Genma-no-Panda and said, "You only have a vague idea of what this says, right?"

Genma-no-Panda responded by producing a flag that read, "You get the prize!"

Nabiki felt a cold hard lump settle into her stomach. _We'll never get rid of these two bums,_ she thought. _Dad will make whatever excuse he can to let them stay here for free._

Soun then confirmed her fears when he seized the brass kettle in the kitchen. The water was at a boil, rather than a gentle simmer for afternoon tea, because it had been neglected during all the excitement.

"Fah!" Soun cried as he poured the boiling water on the head of Genma-no-Panda. "Hot water reverses your curse!"

"It needn't have been quite that hot!" The now nearly naked and fully embarrassed old fart gasped at Soun. His eyes bulged out of his face as though they might pop right out of his ugly skull.

Nabiki blushed at the sight of the middle-aged man standing naked in the tatami room. He and his nudity were quite out of place. but she noticed that Genma was rather well equipped for a middle-aged old fart. There also seemed to be a great deal of muscle under his blubber.

"Water invokes your female curse," Soun had now knelt down beside the red-headed waif and was speaking to him, "isn't that right?"

The red-headed waif nodded its head at Nabiki's father. Soun then tried to pour some of the boiling water on the waif.

"But it reverses when you are exposed to hot water," Soun said feigning a happy mood.

Nabiki had to give this Ranma character credit; it was an incredibly fast dodger. Soun managed only to pour the boiling water on Kasumi's the expensive tatami mat.

"Hot water, not boiling!" The red-headed waif shouted at the top of its screechy voice.

Soun was using the "hale and hearty in the face of adversity" approach the way he had done so often when campaigning for office. It was a technique that worked on people who did not have an intimate knowledge of Soun Tendo the way Nabiki and her sisters did. All three of them were put off by events of that day, but Nabiki was especially offended that her father seemed so determined to marry off one of his daughters to these two louts.

Readers need to understand that in Japan, your in-laws matter as much as your spouse does, because a woman was considered to be a part of her husband's family after marriage. To Nabiki, this was very much like watching a horror movie come to real life in her tatami room. If her or one of her sisters consented to this deal, she would be doomed to a life with Genma Saotome-a fate that would be worse than death.

 _Who would want anything to do with these two assholes on an ordinary basis, let alone marrying into their family? The boy changed sex every time he was touched with cold water, and his father was a complete dumbass while also being about as maneuverable as a boulder. What a bargain! Daddy has really gone and done it this time. There is no way I am going to go along with this shit. I'm not even going to agree to become the waif's fiancée the way I originally planned. I'll just shove Akane into his arms and let her do the rest._

Soun was completely oblivious to the rage of his daughters as he patted the red-headed waif's shoulder, saying, "Okay, okay! It's only a little problem. It won't be any trouble at all."

 _No trouble at all?_ Nabiki wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. _What's he talking about? Tribbles? What about the Panda-man? We are here staring at a lifetime of misery for one of us! How can Daddy be such an unfeeling brute?_

Soun went right on introducing his three girls to the red-headed waif as though they were brainless mannequins. "This is my eldest daughter, Kasumi, she's nineteen; my middle daughter, Nabiki, she's seventeen; my youngest daughter, Akane, she's sixteen."

The waif's eyes were as large as dinner plates and as blue as the sky and sea. Nabiki loathed it as much as she had ever loathed anyone she had ever met. _Well, not as much as its despicable daddy, I suppose, but fruit never falls far from its tree. What may we expect of-_ _ **it**_?

"Pick the one you like, and I'll give her to you as your fiancée," Soun said.

 _Oh, so we're all just cattle that you can give to whomever you please, is that it, Daddy?_ Nabiki was as outraged as she had ever been in her entire life. Kasumi beat her to the punch by reacting first.

"It's Akane, he'll want, yes?" Kasumi said with her usual charm and polite grace.

Akane was completely at sea over this. Her face showed it. Nabiki was glad that Kasumi made the suggestion first. Akane would never box Kasumi's ears. Nabiki knew that she would be lame for weeks if she had pulled such a stunt, but she could now support her elder sister's suggestion without fear of physical reprisal, and hastened to do so.

"They're a perfect match!" She exclaimed as she forced herself to give a falsely radiant smile. She patted Akane's shoulder. _It really is our best move, little sister,_ Nabiki thought. _If anyone of us can rid the family of these two, it's you and your hot temper. They'll be gone in a week, and I'll be happy to take an ass whipping in the dojo if they are._

"Ya'll don't joke about this!" Akane shouted. Her temper detonated without warning, which was not all that unusual. "Why me?"

Nabiki decided that it would be prudent to step in close to the raging fire that was Akane and spray a little soothing balm on her.

"You hate boys, right?"

"You're very fortunate. Ranma-kun is half girl-stock," Kasumi added as she patted Akane on her shoulder.

Nabiki shuddered for two reasons. It was very brave of Kasumi to touch their youngest sister while Akane's rage was still at its peak, something that Nabiki had avoided for two years now, but Kasumi had also just suggested that the waif was some sort of exotic fish stock for the making of a soup.

 _Leave it to Kasumi to adopt a cooking metaphor to describe a situation like this_ , Nabiki thought with another involuntary convulsion of her stomach. _I don't know where her mind goes, but it's not a good place._

Akane was neither assuaged nor amused by what her sisters had just attempted to gently force on her.

"I am not going to accept you two pushing that weird sex maniac off on me for a fiancé!"

* * *

Ranma, who had not been even remotely as oblivious to the girl's reactions as his father and Soun were, felt a huge lump of ice settle in his stomach.

 _This is just another scam that my old man is trying to run on somebody for a few free meals,_ Ranma thought bitterly. _It's not gonna work any better than that catastrophe we had at that Amazon village. These girls have already seen right through us, and are dead set against this stupid marriage deal._ _Their dad seems to be completely taken in by my shitty dad, but the girls are not a bit fooled. I've got to git while the gittin's good. Hmm, the best defense is always a vigorous assault._

"Now wait just a damned minute!" Onna-Ranma shouted at the top of his lungs as he stepped in close to Akane, looking her in the eye. "Who're _you_ callin' a sex maniac?"

"You!" She shouted back. "You saw me naked!"

 _I sure did!_ Ranma thought. _And you're so good looking that I got hard, but you reacted as well. D'ya really think that I don't-yecch-unnerstand what a woman's body does when she's turned on? I wish I didn't. I mean, the least Jusenkyou could have done was to have turned me into a lesbian, but it didn't. I'm as hetero in my female body as I am in my normal body. My female body reacts to the sight of a naked male just as strongly as my male body reacts to the sight of a naked female. I was afraid that I would squirt cum into the furo when you walked in and stared at me like that._

"Hang on a minute!" Ranma shot back. "Are you saying you didn't have a sexual response to the sight of me?"

"It's different when a girl sees a boy naked than when a boy sees a girl naked!"

"They're getting along already!" Soun exclaimed, unexpectedly. He and Genma shared a laugh a that.

"I'm revolted, I'll have you know!" Akane shouted at the two older men.

They ignored her and continued laughing at Soun's joke.

"Anyway, I..." Akane started saying, but was interrupted by Ranma who had turned his back on everyone and was marching out of the room.

"Be seeing ya!" Ranma said. He had had enough. It was time to cut their losses and get out of this place. _Pop's crazy if he's thinking this scam will work. These people don't deserve a plague like us anyway._

"Hang on, Ranma!" Genma shouted. "Where are you going?"

"I'm returning to China!" Ranma shouted. _Whatever Shit-daddy is up to it ain't gonna work anyway. I may as well save us some time and make tracks._ "That's the best way for me to discover how to fix this curse permanently. The last thing I need right now is a fiancée."

Onna-Ranma paused to cast a glance over his shoulder at Akane and said, "FYI, I have seen myself so many times as a girl, that I don't get aroused by the site of a naked woman."

He pulled at his shirt to show off his cleavage suggestively, just for the now fuming Akane's benefit, and added, "And my boobs are even bigger than yours are."

Akane's head gasket blew out at this point.

 _That arrogant little fuck!_ Her inner voice screamed. _First, he shows up here as girl, and I thought that we could be fast friends, then he turns up in the furo looking like the hunk in one of my most erotic fantasies, now he's making fun of my figure! I gotta kill his ass!_

What happened next was anticipated by Kasumi, who grabbed her mother's teapot on the dining table, just before Akane seized it by one end, and smashed Ranma flat on the floor with it. Nabiki lay belly down on the mats trying to see under the table.

"Now that was rude, even for Ranma," Genma said.

* * *

Akane had knocked Ranma colder than a wedge with the table. Kasumi, with Nabiki's help, moved Onna-Ranma upstairs and laid him face down on a futon. They were chary of putting the weight of his head on the spot that Akane had struck with the dining table, because he had a huge lump there.

Kasumi desperately wanted the same thing as Nabiki in this situation, but she had a rather more formal technique for accomplishing her ends than Nabiki practiced. Nabiki preferred to be blatantly rude, but that was entirely too graceless and unbecoming for Kasumi. Besides, she did feel sorry for Ranma.

 _No doubt that worthless rug of a father of his put him through ten long years of hell. The least we could do is to shoo them out of our lives gently,_ Kasumi thought _. I would be happy to keep Ranma here, just to keep him away from his awful father, but I can't keep him without Genma. We'll just have to do as best we may as efficiently as we can._

She and Nabiki were sitting next to Ranma's futon waiting for him to regain consciousness. Darkness had fallen, the incessant Tokyo traffic had died down below a dull roar and the dogs could actually be heard barking over it by the time Ranma started coming around.

 _We should have taken him to a hospital when he did not wake up after two minutes, but then_ , Kasumi wondered, _how do you explain the impossible to doctors and nurses?_ _Don't use hot water on this girl or she'll become a boy? Right. That would be about the same as trying to sell them Tokyo Tower._

"Oh, look! He's coming to!" Kasumi joyfully exclaimed as Ranma raised his head.

"My head hurts..." Onna-Ranma said as he reached behind his head with his left hand, feeling of the large knot where the table struck him.

Are you all right?" Kasumi asked.

 _I must frighten this child without making it obvious that I want_ _her-he-it-frightened,_ Kasumi thought. _Otherwise, one of us will be required to marry-er-it. It and its father must be shooed away now if possible, but if not, very soon._ Kasumi then had a flash of insight. _I'll use Akane's temper to scare him away._

"Try not to think too badly of Akane. She's actually a sweet girl-except when she's behaving like a violent thug."

"That does not follow at all, Sis," Nabiki said in an alarmed voice.

* * *

Downstairs in the furoba, Akane was doing her best to scrub the nasty slick feeling off her skin with soap, water and an exceedingly stiff brush. She felt violated for some reason, as well as feeling more than a little guilty. She had been a volatile mix of fear, anger and hormones all year. Deep down she knew that she was going to have to make some changes, but what really needed to change?

 _Now this hunky guy shows up at my house looking for a fiancée-or at least that is what our parents want-but he turns into a girl whenever he gets splashed with cold water. Just to make matters worse, he has a bigger bust as a girl than I do, and to make matters even worse, he announced in front of everybody and his brother that he has no interest in me or either of my sisters. AND-and he's even better at the art than I am._

She poured a bucket of cold water over her head partly to rinse off, and partly to cool off. _It's just not fair! I mean, I have already got an entire brigade of guys to deal with at school, now I'll have one at home, creeping around all the time; sneaking peeks at me whenever he gets the chance. Well, hell! I'd like it if he did that, but that's not the point. I don't know what's bothering me. I'd like to beat off, but I'm afraid to now. I might start thinking about him and his big..._

* * *

Onna-Ranma stumbled down the stairs rubbing the back of his head

"My damned head throbs with pain in time with my heartbeat," he muttered. "What a girl _she_ is! I swear!"

 _The truth be told, I never thought that she'd ever be able to clobber me like that. She managed to surprise me with something as big as a dining table for crying out loud. I'll have to be more wary of her in the future. That ape-like strength of hers makes up for her utter lack of imagination and poor training. It's obvious that has learned all twelve of the school's kata, but she sticks too close to the moves she's learned from the kata. That habit makes her so easy to read that it's pathetic. So long as I'm watching her, I'm safe. I just hafta remember to watch her, that's all._

Onna-Ranma made his way into the laundry room of the furoba and started stripping off his clothing as he continued his muttering, "Were she a guy, I'd make her unnerstand by layin' some payback on her ass!"

Once he was completely naked, he opened the door to the bathing room only to find a buck naked Akane standing in front of him. He watched in horror as Akane's aura started to boil around her like a rapidly developing thunderstorm.

"Ah, er..." Onna-Ranma managed to stammer out.

Akane glanced at Onna-Ranma's chest and then let slip her rage Ranma had no where to run. She slapped him so hard that he knew that it must have hurt her hand. It caused his headache to become much worse. His head hurt so bad, that it was as though he had not slept a wink. He nearly passed out in the doorway as Akane forced her way by him, physically pushing him back and to one side.

After she had stormed out, Ranma stumbled into the washing area where soaped up, and then quickly rinsed off. He was in a hurry to get into the hot water of the furo. He desperately wanted to be male, and his aching head needed the warmth. He climbed into the furo, but the water had started to cool. It was more disappointing than he could say, but he got out of the furo before the water became cool enough to invoked his curse.

A few minutes later he found himself and Shit-daddy sitting out on the open engawa. Genma was nursing a cup of tea, while Ranma stared out across the yard at the garden wall nursing his newly bruised cheek and aching head.

"So, she's healthy and cute, is she not?" Genma asked.

"Cute she isn't!" Ranma answered emphatically.

* * *

In the tatami room, Akane was nursing a cup of tea while Nabiki looked on.

"I don't get it. You passed up a chance to get in a little girl-to-girl bonding!" Nabiki said.

"It's just not right!" Akane answered in an exasperated voice.


	3. Volume 1 Part 3: The Hated and Abhorrent

**The Hated and Abhorrent Semi-man.**

The day after Ranma and his father arrived at Tendo-ke, was lovely and blue-or as blue as Nerima can be in the spring. Ranma woke early, as was his habit acquired by brutal training from his father, Genma. The only time that Genma did not turn Ranma out early was the mornings after he had spent the night drinking. On those days, Ranma would get up early, happy to be able to scrounge breakfast for himself without Shit-daddy's interference. This morning though, Genma handed him a very serious surprise. He sat cross legged in the guest room of Tendo-ke staring at his father in total disbelief.

"High school? Ranma asked. _Can Shit-daddy be serious? He's never let me attend regular school for more than a few weeks anywhere we've ever been. Now he wants me to go to high school?_

"We'll be here long enough that you _must_ go to school," Genma explained.

 _Shit-daddy is_ afraid that we'll get into trouble with the law again, Ranma thought. Nabiki appeared suddenly, interrupting Ranma's thinking about memories he had rather he did not have.

"It's the same school me and Akane go to," Nabiki said as though she were feeling revitalized and cheerful. "Meet you there later."

Akane came rushing out and said, "Wait up, Sis. Let's go..."

Nabiki looked over her shoulder and said, "What are you saying? Ranma-kun is your fiancé. You have to lead him to school."

Nabiki's declaration definitely put a damper on Akane's mood. She stared daggers at Ranma, which he returned with more than a little malice.

Once they finally headed for the school, Akane walked on the sidewalk while Ranma hopped up on the fence and walked along the top of it as though he were on the ground.

"We are strangers, you know," Akane said in a cold voice.

"Oh, I can certainly see that," Ranma replied.

"Don't act familiar with me at school," Akane said. Her voice was laced with hostility.

"Look who's talkin'," Ranma said. "I really hate brutal women like you."

Akane stared up at Ranma, her aura swirling with her fury. Out of nowhere, Genma materialized on the fence behind Ranma, giving his son a smack to the back of the head.

"Why did you do that, Pops?" Ranma demanded to know. _It's not like I wasn't hit there last night,_ Ranma thought. _He could kill me easy with his ignorant shit._

"You're in no position to be choosy about women!" Genma shouted. "I'm only gonna tell you this one time..."

 _I have had enough of your crap old man,_ Ranma thought. He interrupted Genma with a carefully placed kick at Genma's bare feet. The kick caused the big man to lose his balance; he fell off the fence into the canalized river with a hugely satisfying splash. Ranma could not resist the opportunity to taunt his father. After all, taunting an injured opponent was one of the time honored techniques of the family school.

"What's the matter, Pops?" Ranma shouted down to his father. "Weren't you gonna _tell_ me somethin'?"

Genma-no-Panda leaped out of the canal, landing on the fence, thereby forcing Ranma to jump down onto the street, while Akane ran up the street as though her life depended on her being elsewhere.

Genma-no-Panda jumped off the fence, landing on the sidewalk, then made a desperate effort to hit Ranma with his right paw, but Ranma jumped into a triple somersault to avoid the blow.

"I saw that coming you big fraud!" Ranma said to his father. He did not get the last laugh though, because a nearly blind old lady was washing down her sidewalks. She was throwing water around with a ladle and some of it got on Ranma, invoking his curse.

"Discouraging, isn't it?" Akane asked from behind him, as Genma-no-Panda wondered off toward Tendo-ke, shaking his head in disgust.

"I'm going back the house and getting into the furo," Onna-Ranma said. He looked positively aggrieved.

This upset Akane who said, "We are already running late, and you'll have to change clothes."

"I ain't goin' ta school in this girlish condition," Onna-Ranma said. He was clearly unhappy.

"All it takes is hot water to kick your curse, and then you're a guy again, right?" Akane asked. She turned on her heel and started walking up the street without another word.

This made Onna-Ranma curious enough that he meekly followed Akane another half-block up the street to where a small two-story building stood. It had several large white signs that had "bonesetting" and "moxibustion" written on them in the same fire engine red paint that was used to paint temples and their torii

Akane knocked at the main door and an elderly woman answered. Akane asked for hot water. Her request puzzled the elderly lady, but she acceded to Akane's unusual request.

"Hot water?" the old woman asked. Her voice bespoke her confusion and surprise.

"I'm very sorry about making this request," Akane said. Akane's body language said, _I know this is a screwy request, but please have patience._

"Well, wait here and I'll go get a pot," the old woman said.

Onna-Ranma leaned up against one of the columnar signs that was square in cross-section. He was leaned against the side that read "moxibustion" with his weight on his shoulder, muttering to himself.

"Ah, well hell! Just my luck to get caught by somebody doing their morning sprinkling. At least Akane knew where hot water would be."

At that very moment, Onna-Ranma felt something eerily familiar alight on his shoulder. He glanced over to see what it was and was startled out of his wits to see that it was the hand of a human skeleton. He looked up and saw a bare skull. That panicked him. He tried to swarm up the sign in an effort to escape this unexpected apparition. He was dangling by his single handed grip on the top of the sign, when he realized that the skeleton was being held and manipulated by a tall lanky man in his mid-thirties; he wore glasses and a gi so dark blue that it was almost black.

"That was rude of you," the stranger said.

Onna-Ranma was puzzled, frightened and a little angry at the man's accusation; it showed in his face. _I'll never be able to win at poker,_ Ranma thought. _People can read my face as though it's a newspaper._

The man had a good laugh at Ranma's reaction, then said, "Don't hold on to fear. This is my skeleton, Betty-chan."

Onna-Ranma had dropped to the sidewalk and was about to introduce himself to the man, when Akane came around the corner with a large, one-and-half US gallon, brass kettle.

"Ranma, I have the hot water..."

Akane saw the stranger and immediately stopped talking. Her whole demeanor changed in an instant. She softened into something more like the person Ranma had first met before they saw each other in the furoba. This Akane was both mild and polite without a trace of hostility.

She placed the heavy kettle on top of girl-type Ranma's head as she bowed deeply to the man and said very softly and very formally, "Good morning, sensei." [ _Note: Technically, the Japanese word sensei usually translates into the English word "master," meaning that the person referred to is a master at his occupation, and is licensed to teach that occupation, but it is also used to politely defer to anyone who has qualified for genuine respect, such as a medical doctor or a scholar in some other difficult field._ ]

The man had his skeleton bow in unison with his bow back saying, " _Ohayou_ ," or "Good morning."

Onna-Ranma took careful note of the change in Akane's behavior, even as he tolerated the heavy kettle on his head. Not wanting the stranger to see him lose his curse, he stepped around behind the sign and poured hot water on himself.

"Ho- _ho_!" Ranma laughed to himself as his curse flushed away. _She_ _likes_ _this guy for some reason_ , Ranma thought. _Ain't that a kick in the head?_

By the time Akane finished with the formalities and returned the kettle, they were almost out of time. They began to run as hard as they could toward the school.

"Who is that guy?" Ranma asked. He was not breathing especially hard. This exercise was very mild beer compared to what his father had put him through.

"He's our local bone-setter, Tofu-sensei. He's a very famous doctor hereabouts."

 _She's not gettin' winded either,_ Ranma thought. _She must get in a lotta exercise every day. Any other girl would be winded by now._

"He's as strong and tough as a bowstring, I'm guessing," Ranma said.

"E-eh! How did you know?" Akane asked in a surprised voice.

 _He snuck up behind me like a big cat_ ," Ranma thought with a shudder. _I didn't notice a single sign of him until he touched my shoulder with that skeleton of his._

"I've been seeing him since I was little," Akane said as she ran beside Ranma. "He patches me up whenever I get hurt."

"But he's a man, right?" Ranma asked. _Here I had started thinkin' that she's a lesbian, and it turns out she gets all lubed up over that bonesetting guy,_ Ranma thought.

"What do you mean? Akane asked.

"You hate men, right?" Ranma said.

Akane turned back into the cold hostile killing machine Ranma had already seen too much of. It was astounding how fast she could change.

"That's right!" she exclaimed. "I hate boys!"

They were approaching the school by this time, but had not quite reached the main gate. Ranma could see some male students charging out of the building as he and Akane neared the gate. One of them, wearing a dougi shouted at the top of his voice, "Akane Tendo arriving!"

"I hate them!" Akane screamed. "Hate them!"

As they ran through the gate, the horde of boys came running toward them. Akane shouted at Ranma for him to find a place to sit, while she took care of _this_.

Ranma was shocked out of his wits, so he leaped up on the two meter high wall and found a spot to sit. From that vantage point, he sat and watched the fight as it unfolded. The boys, however, were noisy and shouting everything under the sun, most of it was completely incomprehensible to Ranma, but some of it, he understood.

"Akane Tendo, I'm going to humiliate you in front of the entire school!" Shouted the boy wearing the dougi.

I'm taking aim at you!" another boy shouted. He was wearing normal clothing, and did not appear to be anyone special, save that he wanted in on the unfolding brouhaha.

"Tendo-kun..." a boy wearing boxing gloves and headgear started to shout, but was cut off by Akane's left foot when it collided with the bridge of his nose. He fell to the ground bleeding. Another boy got punched in his solar plexus by Akane's right fist at the same time as she planted her foot in the boxer's face. All of her moves were from the first and second kata, so Ranma recognized what she was doing and why.

 _The only thing she doesn't do all that well is to take to the air,_ Ranma thought. _Maybe old man Tendo isn't up to teaching her that style of fighting_.

"Laugh it up, asshole!" Akane shouted as she put one more poor schmuck down."I hate all of you!"

"You ain't that strong..." Another guy failed to complete his sentence as Akane knocked the wind out of him.

 _What the_ _fuck_ _is all this about?_ Ranma asked himself. _Does this happen every day? Surely not_.

* * *

Looking out on the fight from the second floor window, was Nabiki and three of her cohorts. One of her cohorts sighed and said, "Every morning Nabiki's little sister must face this terrible ordeal."

"Ranma-kun!" Nabiki shouted. "Get your butt inside the school building!"

"Are you sure?" Ranma shouted back. "Will Akane be okay?"

Ranma looked down at the schoolyard to see that Akane was now standing among a very large number of fallen boys. Several of them were twitching and moaning with pain, but even more frightening were the ones who lay very very still.

* * *

"Every morning they pick a fight with me!" Akane exclaimed as she wiped sweat from her brow with the back of her forearm. There was more than a little pain in her voice.

"A truly boorish lot, aren't they?" A cultured, yet pompous voice asked. Ranma stared hard in the direction it came from. It turned out that the source was a tall guy wearing a white dougi top, and pants that the practitioners of sport version of Japanese swordsmanship (kendo) always wore. He was doing something funny to a fully opened red rose, with his teeth, while holding a bokken (wooden sword) in his left hand.

 _Oh, great_ , Ranma thought, _another high-brow fool wielding a wooden sword. I shudda known._

Ranma had encountered these sporting swordsman before. Their egos were always ten times bigger than their actual abilities warranted. Most of them would have died dealing with some of the old school swordsman Ranma had trained with. Kendo, or the "way of the sword," was a highly stylized system of doing battle for the sake of points-not a serious combat skill. Ranma had never been especially impressed by any of the kendoka he had encountered in the past. He had learned real swordsmanship in every old school (koryuu) doujo in Japan that taught the _true_ art of the sword.

"Ah, Kuno-sempai. Ohayou, gozaimasu, _(Good morning, if you please, upperclassman Kuno.)_ Akane said in a voice heavily freighted with loathing. Her face looked to be bored and hostile at one and the same time, as though she knew what was going to happen next.

"Well, then..." the wannabe swordsman said as he tossed the red rose with a flick of his wrist. Akane caught it in her right hand.

 _She's got excellent reflexes_ , Ranma thought. _Why did she bother to catch that rose though? Don't she unnerstand that assholes like this are only encouraged when you play along with 'em?_

"...Akane Tendo," the faux swordsman continued with his pompous spiel, "Shall we have an honorable match over your request?"

 _Request?_ Ranma wondered. _What request? I didn't hear any request._

Ranma jumped off the wall, landing beside Akane on two feet.

"You're very popular, aintcha?" Ranma said to her.

"Don't get mixed up in this," Akane exclaimed. "You'll get hurt!"

 _By who? That silly snot who thinks he knows how to fight?_ Ranma thought. _He can't hurt me._

"Don't yell at me!" Ranma shouted back at his newly acquired fiancée.

"That's not what..." Akane started to say, but was interrupted by the loony swordsman.

"Hey, you!" The faux swordsman shouted.

"What do you want?" Ranma asked.

"You scold Akane as though you are familiar with her." The faux swordsman was now getting his dander up and pointing the tip of his bokken at Ranma.

 _Shit! As if he's got room ta talk!_ Ranma thought.

"Why is he so upset?" Ranma asked Akane.

"Because you were rude to me," Akane said.

 _Oh, so I've been rude? What about all these other jerks that attacked you, you silly witch?_ Ranma wondered, _Then what about this asshole who thinks he can fight with a sword? Ain't he just a little bit rude?_

The faux swordsman was now furious and started adding to his spiel. He started by saying, loosely translated, "You sir, are a despicable ass!"

 _[Cultural note: In Japan, it is very bad manners to speak to someone before introducing oneself, unless it is an emergency, or you are giving a stranger a polite greeting, such as "Good morning." Ranma, thanks to his rough upbringing and extensive travel outside Japan, has either forgotten or never learned the proper forms of etiquette. Many Japanese find themselves in uncomfortable situations after having been outside Japan for a period of more than one year. They are no longer considered to be fully Japanese when they return to their homeland. Yes, they really are that provincial.]_

Then he really went off the deep end and started shouting, "How is it that a person like you feels his reputation is good enough to address my august personage in such a rude manner? Is it not proper to give one's name first? Very well then, seeing as how you don't have any manners at all, I shall give my name first."

Ranma, already bored with the self-righteous rant, was standing there thinking about the mistake the faux swordsman, had made.

 _Here he is bitching about me not giving my name before talkin' to him, and he hasn't started his rant by introducing his ownself. What a fuckin' two-faced ass this guys is!_

"If you please ( _Douzo_ )," Ranma said aloud.

The phony swordsman, or rather the obnoxious prig that worked hard to learn something that was nowhere close to actual combat, began running off at his mouth again.

"I am..." the faux swordsman paused for dramatic effect, which set Ranma's teeth on edge, "a second year student in Class E. My name is Tatewaki Kuno _(Literally translated, Kuno's name means sword carrier of nine abilities)_. Kendo Club Captain who has had a long series of victories as a senior high school swordsman, (kendoka), expected supernova in the realm of kendo. Individuals who know me call me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High School!"

Just as Kuno finished his long spiel, lightning flashed in the sky overhead and thunder rumbled loudly enough to make most people flinch or even duck. Kuno flinched a little, but managed to remain upright as though he expected the thunder.

It was all Ranma could do to contain his amusement. _This guy is as goofy as it gets! I'd give long odds that by tomorrow he'll actually think that he was responsible for that lightning strike and thunder._

* * *

Looking out of a second story window, Nabiki and two of her cohorts watched the proceedings from a safe elevation.

"Blue Thunder?" One of them asked.

"What's he saying?" Nabiki's second cohort asked.

"Beats me! This is the first time I have heard him say that," Nabiki said.

* * *

Down in the yard, Ranma was struggling to control himself so that he could deceive his opponent. He put as innocent a look on his face as he could, while biting at the nail of his left forefinger as he mumbled, "I'm sort of freeloading at the Tendo dojou..."

This ignited Kuno's temper, just as Ranma was expecting it to; his face turned beet red and his the arteries in his eyes suddenly became clearly visible.

 _Gotcha!_ Ranma thought. _I think it must've been the freeloading part that made him mad._

"You wretch!" Kuno shouted as he launched a very sincere attack at Ranma.

Ranma saw the attack clearly before Kuno could launch it. Ranma had fought many a braggadocios kendoka, and already knew that none of them had an adequate inventory of attacks or parries. He took to the air for two reasons: he wanted to show off main focus of his family school to Akane and all else who watched, and he wanted to demoralize the now furious Kuno.

"Akane and you staying under the same roof?" Kuno shouted as his attack missed Ranma by a good two feet.

It was Ranma's turn to shout out a brag of his own. "You are about to experience the second generation of the Saotome style, distinguished by no fixed techniques, hand-to-hand combat _(Musabetsu kakutou Saotome Ryuu, nitai me)_!"

As Ranma's second somersault brought his head above his waist once more, he tossed his book bag to Akane, counting on her quick reflexes. Sure enough, she caught it.

"Here, hold my bag for a while," Ranma said to Akane in a confident voice.

He then landed on his feet in a intimidating crouch with his arms and hands in a very obvious ready stance. "I am Ranma Saotome, and I am ready to receive your fiercest techniques in this contest!"

Ranma's eyes were burning with satisfaction, as he put on a grim war face for Kuno's benefit. _I have him right where I want him. He's about to piss in his pants,_ Ranma thought.


	4. Volume 1 Part 4: Absolutely no Approval

**Ranma 1/2, The Gritty Version: Vol 01 Part 04**

 **Absolutely No Approval**

A violent storm brewed over Nerima while two very different young men prepared for physical combat. Lightning flashed overhead, followed by thunder crashing and rumbling across the town. Inside the school building, most of the students stood at the school-house windows to watch the drama as it unfolded.

"Oi! Kuno's about to snuff out some bumpkin," one of the male students was heard to say.

Another said, "Taking on Kuno is as dangerous as hell!"

One of the young men, the one they referred to as "Kuno," was well-known to the students. He was tall, fairly handsome, but not so handsome as he believed, with the light complexion that comes from remaining indoors most of the time. His hands were accustomed to holding both bokken and shinai _(A shinai is a practice sword made bamboo strips.)_ , but little else. His family was very wealthy, so he had never picked up a hoe or shovel. For that matter, only a very few of his fellow students at Furinkan ever had either. None of them would admit to doing such menial labor unless they had been caught by someone's camera.

His opponent was a stranger to them all. He was much shorter than Kuno-sempai, and his complexion was dark from long exposure to sunlight, which simply screamed lower class. The newcomer looked more like a Polynesian than he looked Japanese. Unlike all the other students at Furinkan, the newcomer's hair was a very dark brown, so dark that it was almost, but not quite black, with reddish highlights. Just to make him even more exotic, he had lighting bolt blue eyes. He was underweight for his age, but wiry. The newcomer held himself with a confidence that suggested that he had endured many hours of harsh training, but he was at least a head shorter than the resident kendoka. He had shorter arms and legs, while Kuno had the advantage of longer arms plus the length of his bokken. No one expected the new kid to win such a vicious contest.

* * *

The two combatants were concentrating on each other so much that neither of them noticed the widely scattered drops of cold heavy rain hitting the ground around them. It was the sort of rain that when a drop hits you, it feels like an entire bucket of ice water.

Kuno pronounced, he never seemed to merely say something, he always pronounced things as though he was the only one who could accurately identify anything.

"Fair Akane has fallen into the clutches of a pirate gang!" He paused to raise his bokken in preparation for a strike. "I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall mete out just punishment to them!"

Ranma was bored by the wealthy oaf's act, but he pretended to be annoyed and asked, "Just whose clutches are you thinking about?"

Akane chimed in with, "They're just freeloaders, Kuno-sempai, nothing more!"

"There is no use arguing about that!" Kuno shouted as he charged at Ranma.

Ranma knew what the kendoka was going to do well before he launched his attack, and danced out of the way well before the attack arrived. Ranma was startled though, when Kuno overshot his mark, striking the cinder block wall behind Ranma. Kuno's bokken ripped through the Hadite blocks as though they were made from papier-mâché rather than splintering. It was mind boggling.

 _Okay, he's clueless, but he's very damned powerful,_ Ranma thought. _I gotta be sure stay out of his reach one way or the other._

Using his long-practiced aerial techniques, Ranma made it seem that he was standing on the trunk of a nearby tree. He appeared to be sticking out from the trunk at something just over ninety-degrees above a line parallel to the ground-as though he were just another limb on the tree. Shock flashed in Kuno's face when he saw Ranma pulling that trick, but he hesitated only a fraction of a second before he struck out at the slippery stranger.

"Chiitsu!" Kuno shouted as he swung his bokken at the tree trunk. To Ranma's immense surprise, the bokken cut cleanly through the entire trunk, something over eight sun _(A sun, pronounced "soon", is a measurement of length roughly 1.2 inches.)_ thick.

"Shit fire!" Ranma exclaimed as he rode the falling tree down, landing on his feet.

 _I gotta show this guy sumthin' fast or I'll never get a bluff in on 'im,_ Ranma thought. He turned on his speed and was suddenly inside Kuno's guard staring the taller boy in the eye. Their faces were so close that they could have kissed one another.

Kuno was shocked, and more than a little frightened by Ranma's sudden appearance inside his guard where Ranma became difficult to strike.

"Huh?" Kuno grunted with surprise.

* * *

Akane was surprised and frightened as well, but Ranma was not focused on her and failed to notice her reaction.

 _Unbelievable!_ Akane thought as she clapped her right hand to her mouth. _He moved so fast that Kuno was completely helpless!_

* * *

Kuno started rushing backwards trying to get out of Ranma's reach, but Ranma stuck to him like glue. His eyes widened when he realized that he could do nothing to shake the determined ruffian.

 _This guy is good!_ Kuno thought as chills ran up his back.

Ranma started to rant in Kuno's face.

"Me and Akane most certainly don't love each other, okay? You take that violent stubborn woman and try to teach her the ways of Buddha if you want!"

* * *

This infuriated Akane. She threw his new book bag at him as she shouted, "Watch what you are saying, you sex fiend!"

"Stop calling me that!" Ranma shouted back.

"I forbid you to throw such insults in Akane's face!" Kuno shouted as he swung his bokken at Ranma's brand new book bag. The bokken cut the bag in two-books and all.

After that, things happened very quickly. Ranma leaped into the air, just as lightning flashed. He intended to write something on Kuno's forehead using his finger tips; he wanted to teach the pompous lout a lesson, but it started to pour down rain. Kuno tried to take Ranma's head off as the curse was invoked by the cold rain, but his bokken missed its suddenly smaller target.

Genma-no-Panda popped out of the curtains of falling rain; he splashed-splashed-splashed his way across the schoolyard while carrying a brass kettle with steam rising from its spout. He knocked Kuno aside with his left paw, while scooping Onna-Ranma up under his right foreleg, with the kettle still in his right paw. He kept on running without a bobble or stumble, holding Ranma's girl-type body clamped between his ribcage and the pit of his right foreleg.

Akane stood rooted the ground by shock as the rain continued to pour down around unnoticed. She was in entirely too much shock. Genma-no-Panda had ripped opened the curtain of rain as he sprinted through the gate. It seemed that he simply popped out of the ground.

"Uncle Genma?" Akane asked in a soft frail voice.

* * *

Up in the school building, the onlooking students were astounded by Genma-no-Panda's assault on their justly hated upperclassman.

"A panda just killed Kuno!" One of the male students shouted in a mix of delirious joy and disbelief.

"Surely that is an exceedingly strong panda!" Another male student said. He sounded grateful as well.

* * *

Genma-no-Panda did not stop running with Onna-Ranma until they were inside the Furinkan physical education department's field shed. Genma-no-Panda slammed the door shut and panted. Running was a lot of work for Genma-no-Panda. The fur was entirely too much insulation for him in Japan. He was overheated and tired.

"Aw, dammit!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed. His high-pitched voice reverberated off the thin aluminum sheet walls of the shed. "If it hadn't rained, I would've nailed that asshole with one shot!"

Onna-Ranma was still working on his hair when Akane slid the window open, surprising Onna-Ranma and Genma-no-Panda alike.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," she said.

"What do you mean, Akane?"

"Check your neck," Akane replied in a grim voice.

"A bruise?" Onna-Ranma asked in surprise. He played back the fight in his mind and then realized how Kuno had bruised him. He also realized that he could have made a better choice about his clothing that morning. He had worn his deep indigo pants, and white silk shirt. His shirt was held closed by black Chinese style ties down the front. Once it was wet, and he had never dreamed of wearing a brassier, he looked like he had joined a wet tee shirt contest-without the benefit of beer.

He turned his back on Genma-no-Panda who then tenderly poured hot water on his head.

"He never touched me, but I'm bruised," Ranma said in a deeper voice as the hot water reverted his curse. "That's a real problem."

"You'd be breathing through the hole in your neck if he had," Akane said. "You seemed to have fought him to a draw."

"Is that so?" Ranma asked with a far away look in his eyes.

* * *

Inside Classroom 2-E, Kuno Tatewaki was studying his face in a hand held mirror. What he saw made him growl. Nabiki noticed his growl and walked over to him.

She was startled by what she saw.

"He wrote that on your forehead and you don't remember him touching you? Amazing!"

"I thought he was good, but he can't even write his kanji _(Chinese ideograms)_ correctly!" Kuno shouted. He walked over the chalkboard; Nabiki stayed right beside him. They both picked up pieces of and started writing on the blackboard.

"Baka is written thus!" Kuno shouted.

 _[Baka, literally translated, means deer in English, but the Japanese never use it to mean that. They use it to mean crazy, stupid, dumb, or any other such similar mental shortcoming you care to name. They have three synonyms they use when they actually want to say "deer."]_

What Ranma had written on Kuno's forehead had the symbol for horse written correctly, that one was part of his name after all, but the second kanji was missing a short vertical stroke at the top, which might have meant that Ranma did not know how to write the character, or that he didn't have time to complete it, or was unable to make such a short mark remain visible on Kuno's skin. The first and last conjecture were the most likely of the three, because short strokes at the top of a kanji are always made first.

The second kanji written by Kuno had two extra small strokes on it's left side. Nabiki's had the single short stroke at the top, which is the current and correct version of the kanji used to write out the insult of "baka."

"I thought it was written this way," Nabiki said in a mocking tone.

Kuno, being at least a head-and-a-half taller than Nabiki, had to look down to see her into her eyes.

"I hate you," he said.

"I'm so happy that you do," Nabiki said in a sly whisper. Her grin was knowing and nasty.

* * *

In Classroom 1-F, Ranma was standing nervously in front of the class with his hands behind him, as though he were standing at parade-rest. The first period teacher introduced him by saying, "Everyone please welcome Ranma Saotome." He was bent over his desk reading from something, presumably a report on why Ranma had not been attending school. He continued reading aloud from it, "Until. Recently, he has been in China. So much for that. Now then, he and Akane Tendou were both late to class."

The next thing Ranma knew, he was standing in the hall alongside a very irate Akane, holding two fire buckets full of water. Japanese do not believe in allowing students to remain idle. One of their favorite punishments is to put a student guilty of a minor infraction on fire watch, which means standing out in the hall with a bucket full of water in one hand. In this case, the teacher had insisted the Akane and Ranma both hold a bucket of water in each of their hands-likely because he understood that the two of them were in far better physical shape than the rest of his class.

"You made us late, you know," Akane said.

Hearing her growling her words out annoyed Ranma.

"My fault? All I did was to get wrapped up in that gymkhana of yours!"

"Not to brag, mind you, but every morning I wade through that struggle before class starts," Akane said.

"What causes all that uproar anyway," Ranma asked.

Akane heaved a heavy sigh.

"It's all Kuno's doing. She did her best to mimic Kuno's voice as she quoted him. "He said, 'Anyone who wants to associate themselves with Akane Tendo, must first defeat her in honorable combat! I will not permit any other options.' It was so embarrassing."

Ranma gritted his teeth with rage. _Sure she's a violent tomboy, but no wonder! Fighting off every able bodied male in this place everyday? And all of it on that jerk Kuno's say so? Nobody deserves to be treated like that._

* * *

In Classroom 2-E, Kuno was shocked into a rage by what Nabiki had just told him.

"Do what?" Kuno screamed. "They're betrothed?"

Nabiki maintained an all too innocent look on her face as she nodded her head and repeated her news. She took huge delight in crushing Kuno. His egocentric behavior earned it.

"Their parents have officially ruled them an engaged couple."

"To Ranma Saotome?" Kuno's shout rattled the windows of the classroom. It upset the period teacher.

 _[In Japan, the students stay in one room and the teachers roam from one class to the next. The exact opposite of the way schools are run in the United States.]_

"Firewatch, Kuno!" The teacher clearly meant what he said.

Kuno picked up his two fire buckets full of water and went out into the hallway, but there his compliance with his teacher's instructions ended. He sprinted down the hallway to the stairs.

"I shall not permit it!" He shouted.

* * *

Outside of Classroom 1-F, Akane and Ranma were continuing their conversation.

"So then, every morning Kuno starts a fight with you?" Ranma asked. He was very dubious. Ranma was thinking, _That lanky asshole could have beaten the snot of her by now. He always gives the rest of the guys around here a shot at her first. That means that Akane's pretty winded by the time he shows up, and he's a way better fighter than she is._

"Yes, and I aways emerge victorious. I don't know how."

 _The silly fuck is so taken with her that he doesn't dare go all out against her. Maybe he doesn't really want her. He is so wealthy that it ain't funny and her family's only a half step better off than mine is. Her old man makes his living recovering stolen goods and collecting bad debts. Either way, this Kuno dude runs around in a dream world all the time. I have never seen anyone so discombobulated in all my life,_ Ranma thought. _That's sayin' sumthin' because Pops and I have run into some truly weird-assed people._

"Well," Ranma said, "sometimes when a guy has a girl for a sparring partner, he cuts back on his skill."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Akane snarled. "You haven't fought me for real!"

"Because it would be a waste of arrows!" Ranma shot back. "You're the violent type, but you're a still a girl. I won't go all out on you."

"How about when you are in your cursed body?" Akane asked as she prepared to throw her bucket of water at Ranma.

"What are ya gonna do?" Ranma asked.

Just as he said that, a bucket-sized stream of water came at him from down the hall and behind Akane.

"Wha...!" Ranma shouted as he jumped up into the air.

"I simply will not allow you and Akane to be engaged!" Kuno shouted.

"What are you talking about?" Ranma shouted back.

"Kuno-sempai?" Akane seemed shocked by Kuno's presence.

Kuno's pronouncement created violent stir in the frustrated hormones occupying Classroom 1-F.

"What engagement?" One of the boys shouted.

"Akane, you have always hated guys, now your engaged?" One of the girls asked. Her voice sounded outraged.

Chills ran up Ranma's back as well as Akane's. Both of them tried in vain to protest Kuno's proclamation.

"It's a mistake!" Akane shouted. "A mistake, I tell you! It's a mistake!"

 _Dammit, Shit-daddy!_ Ranma thought. _You've done it again. Your hair brained scheme will never work. Why don't you have any real friends instead of just having victims, huh? You brought me here; tried to foist me off on three good looking girls, but the older two took one look at us and foisted Akane off on me. I am never gonna get along with her. What is your angle anyway?_

"Our hearts ain't in this!" Ranma shouted at the baying crowd. "It was our parents stupid wish!"

Ranma decided that it was time to cut his losses and make tracks, but when he started to walk off, Kuno shouted, "You're going to run away? What a cowardly thing you are!"

Kuno lunged at Ranma, cutting the bucket he held in his right hand in two with the bokken. Water ran everywhere.

"Follow me!" Ranma shouted at the deluded galoot. "This ain't no place for a fight!"

"That I shall!" Kuno shouted as he started running behind Ranma.

As the two combatants sped down the hall, the stunned and outraged crowd of students gathered their wits about them.

"This is really exciting!" One boy shouted.

"And the winner gets to be with Akane!" Some unidentified girl added.

All of the students, with Akane in the lead, ran down the hall after Ranma and Kuno.

The entire class thundered past one of the coaches and he shouted, "Hey, you all! No running in the halls!"

"Yes, sir!" Akane shouted in her usually polite way, but she did not slow down. She knew that if she did not hurry, the fight would be over.

* * *

Further down and around a corner in the hall, Ranma spotted an open window. He pulled a thief's vault and as he sailed out the window, he turned his head and shouted over his shoulder.

"Here's a fast way out!"

Kuno shouted back saying, "Right behind you!"

A member of the thundering herd behind them shouted, "This is the third floor!"

Kuno looked as though he had definitely had better days. "Ho no!" He screamed in a little girl voice.

Ranma responded by looking back at Kuno and saying, "This is just a little hop! We'll be alright!"

 _Watch this you flaky bastard!_ Ranma thought. _We'll both hit the ground, but this is a short fall for me. I'm trained for this shit; you'll hit the ground like a box of loose bricks. I am looking forward to your pain, you jerk!_

When he looked at where he was falling Ranma was both shocked and surprised. The swimming pool was right below them.

"Ge!" Ranma's shout was not especially articulate. "Uso!" _[The Japanese word "uso" means "It's a lie,"when it is taken literally, but they seldom use it that way. It is more often used to mean "Oh, what a shock" or "that can't be" or "you don't mean it" or some other similar exclamation.]_

 _Now my plan's ruined,_ Ranma thought. _I'm gonna land in the pool, my curse will be invoked; I'll come out of the water lookin' like a girl. Even worse, Kuno won't be hurt not one bit if he lands right. What a mess. The only thing for me ta do is ta swim along the bottom of the pool until I'm outta sight of everyone. Maybe, just maybe, I can get away without anyone seeing my curse._

Ranma and Kuno hit the water one right after the other with huge splashes. Onna-Ranma, true to his plan, held his breath and swam along the bottom of the pool, thinking, _I gotta get outta here or there'll be tears! I gotta get outta here, or there'll be tears!_

Kuno, having never been through years of training developed by the sadistic Genma Saotome, did a belly flop. He only sank a few inches into the pool, but at the cost of being unable to breath, which was in all probability, a good thing. He would have inhaled two lungs full of water and promptly drowned had he been allowed to do what his instincts wanted him to do. Instead the sudden blow of landing on the water as flat as a board caused the muscles of his diaphragm to lock, thus making it impossible for him to inhale or exhale.

* * *

Above, on the third floor, one of the students said, "Look! Kuno's floating to the top."

"Where's Saotome?" Another student asked. "I don't see him."

* * *

Kuno moaned-or gave moaning a sincere try.

 _I want to go on, but my guts hurt!_ He thought.

He saw Onna-Ranma swimming along beneath him, but he did not actually realize that Ranma was in his cursed form. This would give his badly bubbled brain an excuse to harbor delusions a short time later. He and Ranma saw each other at about the same time and Kuno felt as surge of adrenalin run through his body. He seized his newly acquired rival in both arms, by wrapping them around "him."

Kuno then heaved himself and Onna-Ranma out of the water with a huge gasp for air.

"Saotome, we fight!"

* * *

On the third floor, Akane was watching what happened in the pool.

 _Ranma's exposed now!_ She thought as adrenalin set off alarm bells in her head.


	5. Volume 1 Part 5: To the Girl with a

**To the Girl with a Kettle Up a Tree.**

Kuno grappled with girl-type Ranma in the swimming pool. They swapped several moves before Kuno found one of Ranma's breasts. Onna-Ranma noticed Kuno giving his left breast an experimental squeeze, which was to be expected, but once it became evident that Kuno was enjoying the experience it became intolerable. Onna-Ranma became furious; he reached up behind his head and grabbed a handful of Kuno's hair.

"You bastard!" Onna-Ranma screamed as he flipped Kuno out of the pool, slamming him bodily into the concrete apron around it. His voice bounced off the the walls of the school building. He literally leaped out of the water without touching the bottom and somersaulted over the fence. Then he ran off into the distance, disappearing into a clump of trees.

* * *

Upstairs, the watching students were stunned into silence by this unexpected and seemingly impossible development. All of them thought that they would be called crazy for beliving what their eyes had just told them.

After a brief silence one of them said, "Saotome's body seemed smaller all around.

"Another said, "It must be an optical illusion, don't you think?"

* * *

For his part, Kuno lay as still as a corpse on concrete apron at the edge of the pool. He was playing back what had just happened practically frame by frame from his memory. This most recent memory clip proved a very deep puzzle for his addled brain.

"I'm certain that was a girl..." he muttered with a voice that trailed off into silence. Then, after a breif puase and for reasons known only to him, Kuno sprang to his feet and screamed, "You shall not escape me, Saotome!"

By the time Kuno screamed after him, girl-type Ranma had climbed up into a distant tree on the edge of the campus. He had taken off his pants and sat astride a limb; he did his best to wring the water out of his trousers.

"That silly assed Kuno jerk!" Onna-Ranma muttered. "He didn't have to squeeze my tit so hard - just cupping it would have been enough. That sorry bastard must know about my curse after this fucked up mess."

He draped his twisted pants on the limb he was sitting on and exclaimed, "Shit!"

* * *

Akane left the classroom, running back to the equipment shed. Sure enough, there was the janitor's brass kettle, still about half full of warm water. She ran back to the school building and into the home economics lab. There, she ran more hot water into the kettle and put it on the stove for a few minutes. Once she heard the water hissing just about right for tea, she grabbed the kettle and ran outside, searching for girl-type Ranma.

 _Maybe if I bring him hot water, he'll be nicer to me and we can get along,_ she thought. Hope soared in her chest.

Akane spotted Ranma's trail of wet tracks; she followed them. When she saw water dripping from high in a tree, she stopped and looked up. Sure enough, there was Ranma in his cursed form, sitting on a limb doing his best to wring the water out of his soaked trousers.

"You are such a careless thing, Akane said just loud enough for girl-type Ranma to hear her. _I'm going to have some fun with him just because he has played the_ _arrogant lout until it hurts,_ she thought.

"What do you want, Akane?" Onna-Ranma asked.

"You are truly crazy!" Akane said. _You really are,_ she thought. _Jumping out of a window on the third floor, after_ _taking on Kuno in such an offhand manner. You're as crazy as they come._ "Because you jumped into the pool from the third floor."

"Oh, don't bother me!" Onna-Ranma shouted. He put his fingers in the corners of his mouth, stretched his lips out into a grotesque grin while sticking his tongue out at Akane. She rolled her eyes at his behavior.

"Goofy-doofy!" Onna-Ranma shouted.

Akane allowed herself a nasty grin.

"I suppose I should get rid of this kettle of hot water, then," she said with a casual shrug of her shoulders.

"Ah!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed. "Crazy ill-tempered thing!"

Then Akane heard a familiar racket. Suddenly alert, she shouted, "Pass!"

She carelessly threw the heavy kettle in girl-type Ranma's general direction because her attention was entirely focused on the sound of the approaching Kuno.

Onna-Ranma was forced to overreach barely catching the kettle by its bale.

Akane strode away from the tree Onna-Ranma was in, and toward the deluded upperclassman, Kuno Tatewaki.

"Kuno-sempai!" Akane shouted as she neared the permanently confused Kuno. "I challenge you to a fight!"

Kuno looked surprised at first, but then he said, "You challenge me to a contest in this way because you wish to make love to me." Then he literally preened as though he were the cock-of-the-walk.

"Very well," he said as he finished preening. "If you win I shall allow you to go out with me. I warn you that I shall go all out!"

"With all due respect," Akane said, pausing to heave a heavy sigh. _Now I wish I could be as crude as Ranma._ "Who said anything about dating you? Please excuse my rudeness."

 _Ranma, I'm going to buy you some time, so change back into a guy,_ Akane thought.

* * *

Up in the tree, girl-type Ranma was struggling with the heavy kettle. He was barely hanging on to his perch with his feet.

"Don't scream and whatever you do, don't fall!" He growled with the physical strain making his girlish voice extra squeaky.

* * *

On the ground, Kuno launched an overhead strike at Akane with an inarticulate shout. Akane used the classic Okinawan counter of clapping her hands on either side of the bokken's shaft, trapping it between her hands. The blow was so powerful, that it hurt her hands and she could feel the skin on her palms pull partly away from the deeper flesh.

"Nuts!" She grated out between clenched teeth.

She fell on her back and pulled on the bokken. This pulled Kuno off balance. She planted her right foot in his belly with her knee bent, and kept pulling. Just as she could see Kuno's face directly above her own, she straightened her leg, and shouted with heartfelt glee, "Gotcha!"

* * *

Kuno sailed away, losing his grip on the bokken and leaving it in Akane's powerful grip, but she had not learned to control her throws. Akane had only ever practiced this maneuver alone. Soun had always been too fearful of hitting her if she failed to catch his bokken. The other thing Soun had feared happening was what happened to the pompous kendoka. Kuno flew several yards into the air with shout of surprise.

Up and up he flew and just as he reached the apex of his flight, his head struck the heavy kettle, crushing it so that it trapped his head. Onna-Ranma had by then gotten into a better position, so he was able to hold the heavy kettle and Kuno both. It was an exceedingly clumsy situation.

"You and I met a short time ago," Kuno said in his usual pompous way. On the ground, Akane was shocked and more than a little disappointed to see that girl-type Ranma had not rid himself of his curse.

"You haven't changed forms, yet?" She screamed.

"I was a little busy with something else," Onna-Ranma answered in an exasperated voice.

"Do you know where that weird guy with his hair in a braided queue went?" Kuno asked Ranma's girl-type.

Onna-Ranma was so astounded by this question that he broke out into a cold sweat; he merely stared at the lanky kendoka in silence, unable to say a word.

"That cowardly thing ran away in the middle of a fight!" Kuno shouted. "No doubt he fears my vastly superior skills."

Onna-Ranma felt blood rushing to his face. He hated the fact that his not knowing the terrain caused his ploy to fail, and he certainly did not like being dehumanized by being called a "cowardly thing," but Kuno continued is rant, just as oblivious to other people around him as ever.

"Such a coward! He's no man! Nope, not a man at all. No man I say." Kuno clapped his teeth together as he finished his wild rant.

Onna-Ranma decided that he had suffered all he could from the wealthy kendoka. A quick solution came to him. He simply released the bale of the kettle and allowed it and Kuno to fall together as one.

Unable to free himself from the water laden brass folded around his pate, Kuno fell like a thrown spear. The kettle hit the ground with Kuno's body sticking up straight as an arrow. This loosened the tortured brass of the kettle, and it loosened its grip on Kuno's skull. Kuno fell to one side, as though he were a pen in one of those desktop pen holders you can find in a bank lobby.

He calmly sat up with his legs crossed and pronounced, "That hurt, you know."

Onna-Ranma settled gently to the ground as though he were a leaf drifting on the wind.

"You are such a spoiled dunce!" Onna-Ranma exclaimed. "I'll finish your silly ass off right now!" He assumed a ready stance and shouted an order. "Face me!"

Kuno smirked as he slowly rose to his feet; he walked over to the frozen Akane and took his bokken from her. She had been standing in one spot mesmerized by girl-type Ranma's gentle descent.

"If you win," Kuno said, as he struck at Ranma's girl-type body. "I will allow you to go out with me."

Onna-Ranma easily avoided the strike by jumping straight up into the air.

"Who said anything about wanting a date with you?" Onna-Ranma shouted. Inexplicably, for there was no obvious way to explain the physics of an airborne person to do what girl-type Ranma did, he kicked Kuno in the side of the neck. Kuno fell to the ground like a dynamited building.

 _She's so powerful!_ Kuno thought before his lights went out for a few seconds.

"I'll have you know that Ranma Saotome is even more powerful than I am, Kuno," Onna-Ranma said.

He spun Kuno's bokken as though it were a pistol and it whirred as it cut through the tortured air around it. Onna-Ranma had more than a little scorn in his voice as he used all masculine language which was in stark contrast to his cursed body.

"Let's go home, Akane."

Akane trailed along with Onna-Ranma, away from the inert kendoka. Kuno was now lying on his side as though felled by another swordsman. The only thing missing was the blood that would have been gouting from his headless neck.

"It's still the middle of classes!" Akane said, but she followed Onna-Ranma anyway

"It doesn't matter," Onna-Ranma said. "Let's just go home."

 _Holy smokes what a woman!_ Kuno thought after he regained a very vague level of consciousness. His head and neck were both throbbing so much that the pain blurred his vision.

Thus ended the first day that Ranma Saotome attended Furinkan High School in Nerima-cho Tokyo.

* * *

Inside the Tendo Dojo well after dark, Ranma and Genma were standing-or sitting cross legged-on their heads. Genma asked his son, "Ranma, at school Akane helped you with the cleaning. Isn't that true?"

 _[Cultural note; Sweeping and mopping the class rooms is done by the students. They take turns and it happened that Ranma was chosen because it was his first day at school. Akane, apparently, stayed and helped.]_

"I didn't ask her to," Ranma said. He was irritated by the question. _What the hell is Shit-daddy up to now? I wish I could figure out what his angle is on this job._

* * *

Upstairs in Akane's room, another conversation was taking place between Akane and Nabiki. Nabiki had one of Akane's fitness magazines out was trying to do one of the exercises in it. She was doing a fairly good job of emulating the girl in the picture.

"Why should it be any of your business, Akane? Nabiki asked with a grunt. "What's so weird about a guy that can change into a girl?" Nabiki grunted again.

Akane did not have to look at her sister to know that she was lifting her leg up the way the girl in the picture was doing. She had already done those exercises and rejected them as unsuitable for her normal routine, but they did require serious effort. She stared at the top of her desk as she answered.

"My dear elder sister, despite that 'minor' detail you just mentioned," Akane's voice was laden with frustration, and she got louder as her temper rose. "He also happens to be my fiancé. Now, everyone is making cruel accusations that aren't true on top of the same old bullshit that they have always spread around about me."

Akane's voice became increasingly loud as she continued her passionate rant. "As for me, do you really think I treasure having a metamorphic companion?"

Ranma, who had decided to go along with Shit-daddy's wishes, and was about to knock on Akane's door, overheard Akane's raving. It hurt him somewhere deep in his chest at first, but then it pissed him off. He straddled the handrail of the stair so that he could slide back down to the first floor.

"Shit! Who would want to be polite to her?" He asked aloud. No one was around to hear him, so there was no answer.

* * *

Later that night, he and Genma slept on the padding they had been sleeping on during their yamagomori; they had spread it out on the floor of the Tendos' guest bedroom. Ranma had a difficult time falling to sleep, even though he was lying on his long familiar padding. His mind was running working at a double-time pace.

 _I just wish I could figure out what it is Shit-daddy wants to steal from these people. I would steal it just so we could move on and be done with 'em. I don't want to go to school. It's the last place a guy like me needs to be anyway-even without this stupid curse. It's only a matter of time before everboddy at that school learns my secret. Shit! I wanna go back to China and find a cure for this fucking curse._

Ranma tossed and turned while he kept turning his troubles over his mind, but fatigue eventually caught up with him and he reluctantly went to sleep.

* * *

The next morning in Classroom 2-E, Kuno was startled to learn some good news from Nabiki.

"Wha-at!" Kuno shouted. "Is what you are saying true, Nabiki Tendo?"

"Yes, I know the girl who wears her hair in a braided queue and Chinese clothing," Nabiki said with a sly smile.

Kuno's face lit up like flare. He snatched up his quill and ink block, he always wrote things the traditional way, and began to scribble away on a sheet of paper. He gave out an exceedingly scary chuckling laugh as he scribbled.

 _If she thinks she can lead me to a humiliating defeat and then go on living as before, she has made a great mistake,_ Kuno thought.

* * *

The rest of the class hours were mostly routine, the only exceptions were the students plaguing Akane and Ranma about their new relationship between classes. They also wanted to know how it was that Ranma so easily dealt with an irate Kuno. They seemed to only half-accept the answers Ranma gave them.

All of the girls were envious of Akane. Either they envied her for her newly acquired and handsome fiancé, or they were jealous because she was taken-by a guy of all things! Several of them suffered from dashed hopes and broken dreams. Akane, little did she understand, was a heroine to most of the girls attending Furinkan.

* * *

Nabiki found herself itching to give Ranma the letter Kuno had written. She resisted the temptation to open and read it. _It'_ ll be _better to let him read it to me or ask for help when he tries,_ Nabiki thought. _Ranma isn't all that educated and he's bound find Kuno's writing obscure at best. He's gonna be so embarrassed. That's going to be so funny! I can't wait to see him trying to read Kuno's elaborate bull._

Then she fantasized what fun she would have talking to her classmates about the bumpkin betrothed to her little sister. Nabiki was desperate for distraction from her troubles at home. How better to cope that use those troubles as an ongoing source of entertainment? _No need to be miserable all the way through high school, ne?_

Nabiki was one of those very few Japanese girls who looked forward to getting away from her family and home. She was eager to find a job or, better yet, start a business of her own. She had already figured that she was better equipped to recover lost assets than her father was. Soun was not nearly as accomplished at collecting gossip as she was, and she had already learned that muscle is cheap. After all, if she could get a man to do what she wanted by doing nothing more than winking and wriggling, how much more expensive could they be?

She waited until the had all gotten home and changed clothes before she delivered the letter to Ranma. She found him sitting on the engawa, facing the yard and lost in thought.

"Here, this is for you," Nabiki said as she held the letter in Ranma's line of sight. The writing on it read, "To the girl with a kettle up a tree."

Ranma recognized Kuno's writing almost instantly, which surprised Nabiki.

"Kuno sent this to me?" Ranma asked.

"He is writing to your girl form, I'm sure," Nabiki said. _He couldn't read the outside of the letter,_ she thought. _I was right about him lacking enough formal schooling. He doesn't know enough characters to get by._

 _[Cultural Note: Japan has had some real trouble with its written language. The alphabet for written Japanese are Chinese ideograms. At one time there were so many ideograms that virtually no one could know them all. There was a reform carried out in 1900, and another reform carried out after WWII while Japan was under American occupation and being ruled by MacArthur. Most of the Japanese people living today must have an interpreter to read their on history prior to 1900.]_

"He doesn't seem to realize that your girl half is actually just you in another much better looking form."

Nabiki was shocked when Ranma read Kuno's letter aloud. This meant that Ranma could read as well or better than anyone else she knew, and that he knew far more than the required 2,136 kanji to graduate from high school. Kuno was given to using a great many obsolescent kanji that had long been deprecated.

"Please come to Furinkan's secondary field on Sunday, during the tenth hour," Ranma said, reading the letter.

Akane walked up while he was reading it and said, "That's a challenge letter."

Nabiki found this idea amusing, so she decided to play along. _The only thing better than embarrassing this oaf is scaring him,_ Nabiki thought. "Yeah, Kuno darling _hates_ being defeated."

* * *

Unlike American students, the Japanese attend their schools for at least a half day on Saturday, Ranma would have loved to have taken the day off on Sunday, but no, Kuno had sent him a challenge letter and the letter had been addressed to his cursed form. So in the afternoon on Sunday, he splashed himself with cold water as he grumbled about Kuno's idiocy. He arrived on the secondary field of Furinkan high school on precisely as the tenth hour started, just as the letter had requested.

Kuno was on time as well. They met up in the middle of the field and Kuno greeted girl-type Ranma first. "You seldom come around, Tree-top-kettle-girl."

 _[Cultural note: For the word "kettle" Kuno used the common slang "okama," which is what most Japanese use to identify a male homosexual. They use the Japanese word "yakan," whenever they want to say kettle.]_

The word "okama" made chills run up girl-type Ranma's back. _He knows about my curse!_ Ranma thought. He decided that he would brass it out, as it were, and held his ground.

"And you are still a son-of-a-bitch, I see," Onna-Ranma said then quickly asked, "Where's your wooden sword, Kuno?" He asked the question in the most insulting way he could. His goal was to anger his opponent, thereby making him overly eager. It was his father's favorite technique. Like father, like son.

"Bokkens and such other stuff are unnecessary," Kuno pronounced.

"Ho, well! Just full of confidence, ain'tcha?" Onna-Ranma asked in a sarcastic voice.

Kuno's answer started as a fierce whisper and finished with a shout, "I give you _this_!"

He threw something about the size of an infant straight at girl-type Ranma. Onna-Ranma caught it in his left hand without thinking - his finely honed reflexes had taken over without his thinking about it. He was shocked speechless once he looked at the object Kuno had thrown at him. It was a half-dozen red roses bundled together. The wind was plucking their petals off of their heads one by one.

Doing a fair job of impersonating Toshiro Mifune playing Musashe, the famous swordsman, Kuno turned and threw Onna-Ranma a fierce stare over his shoulder.

"I love you," he said in a harsh voice, before marching off in silence with his arms pulled out of his sleeves, but inside his gi top, just as Mifune had done in the movie about Musashi.

Onna-Ranma was so shocked by this performance that he fell to his knees and sat in seiza. The wind continued to pluck petals from the roses as he sat there with a flood of wild emotions running through him.

 _I can't believe this fucking curse!_ He thought. _This is just too sick. I ain't no girl! I just ain't, but that creep just turned me on with these fucking roses! I'm a man, goddamn you! A man. I just have this weird-ass curse is all._

Onna-Ranma sat in seiza for a long time. His legs were asleep by the time he trusted himself enough to get to his feet. He could barely stand, let alone walk, but he managed to stagger over to a nearby trash can and dispose of the bouquet. _Geez, I hope nobody saw this happen. What a fucking mess!_


	6. Volume 1 Part 6: Soul and Body

**Soul and Body**

Ranma was having a nightmare with Kuno in it. He dreamed that he was bathing at a traditional onsen _[Public bath house built around a hot spring]_. He was in his male form, and enjoying the hot soak; luxuriating in feeling of relaxing muscles and clean skin. Actually, his subconscious was recalling the bath and hot soak he had right before going to bed, but he did not realize that. He was sound asleep and had been for hours.

Then, without any warning at all, a gargantuan figure of Kuno rose up out of the waters of the hot spring. The waters around Ranma turned into a version of a hissing hot stormy sea, with waves surging and boiling around him. The vision made chills run up and down the slumbering Ranma's back. He broke out into a hot sweat in his sleep, as though he suddenly developed a fever.

"Sa-o-to-me..." Kyokan Kuno pronounced.

Dream-Ranma could not believe his eyes or his ears.

" _Ku-Kuno!_ " He tried to scream, but nothing came out of his throat. It was one of those dreams where you want to run, but cannot get any traction to do so, and you want to scream but cannot force the words out of your mouth.

Sleeping-Ranma shuddered with fear, anger and more than a little embarrassment. " _I'm a guy, you dunder-headed puke!_ " Ranma was trying to shout in his sleep so only incoherent sounds escaped his throat. " _Just look at me!_ "

To Dream-Ranma's horror, and despite the hot water he dreamed about, he discovered that he was in his cursed form - which was very, very female and very, very naked.

" _Sort of!_ " Dream-Ranma tried to cry out.

"Please go out with me," Kyokan Kuno pleaded in his deep and melodious voice.

" _Hang on a minnit!_ " Dream-Ranma wanted to gasp. He suddenly started trying to swim away from Kyokan Kuno, but could not do so. He was too tangled in his covers.

" _I'm a man! A man, I tell you!_ " Ranma's voice was now desperate.

Kyokan Kuno's hand loomed over the naked onnatekki Dream-Ranma as he did his best to swim away in the raging waters of the onsen. It was no good. Dream-Ranma could not get anywhere. Kyokan Kuno's hand wrapped around his naked female form and rumbled, Ranma could feel the rough skin of Kyokan Kuno's giant palm on the whole of his female body.

"I love you," the nightmare version of Kuno said in Kuno's ever pompous voice.

Dream-Ranma screamed with terror and outrage. He sat up still screaming as he woke himself up. He sat there gripping his covers, staring off into the moonlit room in heartfelt horror. Nightingales sang outside the window. He started gasping for air.

"It was just a d-dr-dream!" Ranma exclaimed. Then he remembered what had happened in the nightmare, and a vision of a giant Kuno professing his love for a completely revolted yet sexually aroused Onna-Ranma flashed through his brain. Ranma gritted his teeth and shuddered.

* * *

Now Ranma was afraid to go back to sleep; he could not control his dreams after all. Ranma kicked off his tangled covers and got up. It would be another two hours before Kasumi got up to cook breakfast, but he got up and went downstairs anyway. He wanted to crawl into the furo to rid himself of his sticky sweat, but decided against that idea. It would waste too much money on propane and water, and he was a freeloader.

 _No need to antagonize our marks,_ Ranma thought. _I kinda like this place. It has a nice tight roof and it protects us from the wind and sun. Kasumi's a great cook - I just wish I could figger out what Shit-daddy's up to. It's not like him to be real friends with anybody._

He went out to the dojo instead of taking a much needed bath. There, he started working out as hard as he could; for Ranma, that was hard indeed. The very air crackled around him as he ran through the twelve kata. After he finished them, he started over adding impromptu moves to them - small but nasty embellishments that had occurred to him over his years of practicing.

Despite Ranma's having risen early, and Akane having risen right on time, they were running late for school. Genma had decided that Ranma was "getting soft" from living in a house. Actually, Genma was the one getting soft. Ranma had been up early and had already had a good work out followed by a bath by the time Genma opened his eyes for the first time that morning.

He forced Ranma to spar with him, and it was ended in the usual way - the two of them landed in the koi pond less than a second after Kasumi annouced that breakfast was served. Ranma would later become entirely too familiar with said pond and koi, but that day he was still a stranger to all three. He had to bathe yet again, and then had to fight Shit-daddy all the way through his entire breakfast for his food. Genma contested him over every tiny morsel of it.

By the time Akane and Ranma were on their way to the Furinkan yard, Ranma was nearing exhaustion and in a very foul mood. As they approached the gate of the school yard, a veritable tsunami of perverts greeted them.

"Akane Tendou arriving!" One shouted.

 _M gonna hafta get that guy a bosun's whistle,_ Ranma thought.

"She's accompanied by her fiancé, Ranma Saotome!" Another of them cried out.

 _Okay, I'm gonna cut you a little slack,_ Ranma thought. _I won't hurt you as badly as I will all these other assholes._

Akane and Ranma plowed into the tide of wannabe molesters as though they were merely inert bushes with frail but scratchy limbs. The members of the horny horde were flying everywhere. Unfortunately for the poor sod that Ranma promised he was not was going to hurt so badly as the others, he fell afoul of Akane rather than Ranma. Ranma merely shrugged his shoulders as he watched Akane crunch his nose with her heel.

 _Them's the breaks, Aho,_ Ranma thought.

"Akane Tendo, date with me!" One of them shouted.

 _I'll leave you for Akane, you stupid little fuck,_ Ranma thought as he grabbed another student wearing a dougi. He made very short work of him as well. The guy simply had not been practicing enough outside his dojou neither had he been exposed to the harsh conditions that Ranma had endured under his shitty daddy's tender tutelage.

"They are fighting us together!" The miserable fool screamed just as Ranma planted his face in the hard packed soil of Furinkan yard. He twitched a couple of times, spat out some coarse grass along with a couple of largish clods, and then passed out.

Up ahead, Ranma saw Kuno emerge from the school building. He gritted his teeth as he felt a sharp stab of embarrassment and anger. Akane had seen Kuno at the same time as Ranma had, and Ranma knew it. He could feel her ki _[Cultural note: Ki or chi for the Chinese oriented martial artists, is spiritual energy. It is famous among martial artists, many of whom claim that they can feel it. Ki or chi plays a very important role in the Ranma ½ story.]_ surge into the air around her. It practically turned the air red with her fury.

No wonder they named her Akane, Ranma thought.  
[ _Cultural note: Aka means red in Japanese.]_

"I challenge thee!" Kuno shouted as he charged forward with his bokken held high. Akane and Ranma sped up. Once that were at just the right distance from Kuno, they leaped into the air together, and each planted one foot in Kuno's face. He went down like a badly weakened brick wall.

As they kept running towards the school house, they really were running late, Akane said, "Hang on! I didn't need any help back there, you know."

"I didn't take him out for you," Ranma said in a fierce voice.

 _Kuno's like a priest with an evil spirit. He has everyone around him infected with the same evil spirit,_ Ranma thought. _It's well past the time to put a stop to it._

They just barely made it to their class on time, so they did not have to stand fire watch that morning. Ranma was grateful for that because he and Akane were blowing a bit as they sat down. It had been a long long hard morning already.

* * *

 **Up in classroom 2-E** , Nabiki was in the middle of consuming her morning snack when a toy panda fell on her desk. She looked up to find herself staring into Kuno's blackened eyes.

"What is this?" She asked him.

"A stuffed panda doll," Kuno answered.

Nabiki stared at the doll. It reminded her of Genma. She despised Genma. Thanks to him, she no longer thought of pandas as cute animals that need protection. Genma had already demonstrated too many bad habits that pandas had. The doll disgusted her. She threw it back at Kuno saying, "I don't want it."

"Who said that it is you that I want to seduce, Nabiki Tendo?" Kuno asked.

"So this is for..." Nabiki did not quite finish her question, knowing that Kuno was eager to tell her what he was up to, but then what he said was strange, even for Kuno. Not expecting anything out of the ordinary, Nabiki took a long pull on the straw in her drink just as he spoke.

"It is for the chimpanzee loving girl with a braided queue," Kuno declared in a very sincere voice.

The very mention of Onna-Ranma and chimpanzees in the same sentence caused all too many images and sounds to flash across Nabiki's ever nimble mind. Onna-Ranma often screeched like an outraged chimp, and he could bash shit around like an outraged chimp, especially whenever Genma did something to annoy him, but she had never put the images and sounds together the way Kuno had. She pursed her lips in an unsuccessful effort to contain her laughter, but burst out laughing anyway. She pursed her lips in an effort to contain her amusement, but spewed her drink into Kuno's face as she lost all control.

"Now, look at what you made me do," Nabiki said, with a poorly suppressed chuckle.

Kuno stood frozen in place as Nabiki's drink dribbled down his face, pitter-pattering on the stuffed panda doll.

"What _I_ , made you do?" Kuno asked.

"Kuno, you're in luck," Nabiki said in her best hale and hearty voice she used for selling. It was Soun's favorite campaign voice. "I have some photos you'd love to have."

"Eh?" Kuno sounded dubious.

Nabiki slapped the prints out on the top of her desk and smeared them out across it as though she were dealing poker. "Five photos per set, 3,000 yen for the set of five. Deal?"

She watched Kuno as he picked one of them up, almost as though they were sacred objects and he wanted to worship them. She knew what they were. They were candid shots of Onna-Ranma under some very tantalizing conditions.

Candid was the in-thing for pornography at that time, and these fit right into the soft porn category of prurient images. Girl type Ranma sitting out on the engawa with a fan, tugging at his skimpy and soaked tank top with his left hand. Another was of him sleeping on his side while wearing a tank top and tight fitting shorts. There was another one of him sprawled out asleep on his futon with a nearby incense burner that held a stick of mosquito repelling incense smoldering in it.

That one was especially erotic because Onna-Ranma looked both defenseless and ready at one and the same time. The other two just happened to be taken when he had his back turned and was removing his top. He never wore a brassier when he was in his cursed form, so there was no strap showing across his back. Nabiki could not understand why Ranma never wore a brassier, but it certainly made for some interesting and sexy photos nevertheless.

Kuno was overwhelmed by the sight of them. He trembled as he stared at each succeeding photograph, making incoherent noises as he perused them. Nabiki was delighted by his reaction. She held her silence until he finally got control of his voice.

"She's - she's - she's so defenseless!" Kuno exclaimed as he stared at the photograph of Onna-Ranma lying on his back with his legs spread out.

Nabiki remembered that one all to well. Ranma and Genma had fought very hard that hot afternoon. It was very humid and difficult for anyone to cool off. Ranma had bathed after he and his father finished sparring and then splashed himself with cold water. He was wearing a white silk top, the one he wore to school on his first day, and a pair of really short shorts. The legs of them barely peeked out past his long shirt tail. It was an exceedingly exciting picture for soft core.

"Yeah, you'd think she was a boy, wouldn't you?" Nabiki laughed at her less-than-subtle hint because Kuno missed it altogether. He all but slapped Nabiki with three new 1,000 yen notes and grabbed up the photographs. She let him wallow in his lust for a few minutes before she mentioned Akane. She had more photographs to sell.

"So, you're dumping Akane, then," Nabiki said. It was a statement, not a question. It made Kuno freeze up for a second.

"Who said that I'm dumping her?" Kuno asked?

"Oh, so you're going to double-deal with her then, huh?" Nabiki asked. She delighted in picking on Kuno's weaknesses. They had quite a history together. Extracting money from the wealthy egotist became more and more difficult as the years passed. Recently, she had not received so much as ju-en _(ten yen coin)_ from him.

"Humph! Say not such nasty things!" Kuno exclaimed. He was clearly outraged by Nabiki's pointed questioning. Nabiki had started him on yet another one of his pompous rants.

"Sweet and neat Akane, Osage-no-onna _(Girl-with-a-braided-queue)_ radiating healthy beauty, the pair of them are so beautiful that it is too difficult for me to cast one of them aside. Both of them have an essence that I crave. I am sincerely devoted to both. That is not a foul pretense," Kuno pronounced.

"That's the same thing as double-dealing, Kuno darling," Nabiki said as she slapped more photographs down on the top of her desk. These photographs were taken of Akane while she was destroying various things, or punching and kicking her way through her exercises. They were not remotely pornographic, unless your tastes ran to seeing someone sweat while doing extraordinarily difficult exercises. "Five pictures to the set, 3,000 yen for the set of five."

Nabiki had guessed correctly. These photos pushed Kuno's buttons even harder than the more racy pictures of Onna-Ranma had. He picked one of them and started shaking as he stared at it.

"O-o-h! She's so fierce!" Kuno exclaimed. "Deal."

He slapped Nabiki with the notes she asked for, but she was not finished with the wealthy fool. There was still more money to be extracted from him and, in keeping with Nabiki's standards of strict honesty, she would tell him the absolute truth about the young lady who wore her hair in a braided queue and wore all Chinese clothing. She had been afraid that he would notice the similarities between Ranma's two forms before she could make a deal for more money with the oblivious fool.

During lunch period that day, Nabiki stopped by classroom 1-F. Ranma was relaxed and talking to some of the other male students. His lack of a uniform and his loud Chinese clothing made him stand out from the crowd. Today he was wearing a bright yellow silk shirt with dark green trousers that were tied at the ankles. She got his attention.

"Kuno-baby is about to call you out," Nabiki said.

Across the room, Akane looked up and said, "Elder sister?" Nabiki noticed, but she was careful to stay focused on Ranma's reaction.

"He's waiting for you at the bottom of the fire escape stairs of this building," she told Ranma. Ranma looked thoroughly disgusted, but she could see that he made up his mind to meet with Kuno.

 _No matter how bothersome, Ranma never turns down a challenge. It's important for me to remember that about him_ , Nabiki thought.

Nabiki trailed along out of sight just to see what happened. Ranma met up with Kuno at the bottom of the stairs. Not only was Ranma not amused, he was in the mood to be extra abrasive.

"Okay, Kuno. What's this shit all about?"

"You shall address me as Upperclassman Kuno," Kuno said in his most stuffy of tones. "Upperclassman Kuno."

Ranma answered by silently giving Kuno a bored look that was also scathingly disrespectful. Kuno responded by throwing the stuffed panda at Ranma. Ranma caught it in both arms, then gave it a hostile stare. Then he gave Kuno a fearful look as though he was afraid the lanky kendoka had discovered yet another secret about him and his family.

 _Kuno doesn't have a clue, Ranma, so don't worry. Although, he does often seem to be nearly psychic. Perhaps Kuno's subconscious understands that the conscious part of Kuno's brain is non-functional, so it picks up on cues that Kuno's fore-brain fails to notice. That would explain a great deal_ , Nabiki thought.

"Why am I delivering this to you when I would never do so otherwise?" Kuno asked the now completely baffled Ranma.

Nabiki could see that Ranma had broken out into a cold sweat at Kuno's nutty query.

 _He thinks Kuno must knows about his and his father's curses, and that he's making fun of them,_ Nabiki thought. She found herself in a desperate fight with her impulse to laugh out loud.

"Is this your way of makin' fun 'o me?" Ranma asked. His temper was clearly rising at what he believed to be an elaborate insult proffered by Kuno.

"I would like to know that as well!" Kuno shouted back, but then he hastened to explain his problem. "Thus spake Nabiki Tendo, 'If you want to give your present to the girl, give it to Ranma Saotome'. She shall have it in an instant."

Ranma rolled his eyes at Kuno's confusion and looked even more offended. He turned his back on the pompous kendoka and tossed the toy panda back over his shoulder. Kuno caught it neatly.

"Just forget about _that_ girl," Ranma said. "You have met her twice before now, but she'll never appear again if I have anything to do with it."

Kuno was clearly astounded, shocked and amazed by Ranma's statement. He stood frozen in place as Ranma calmly walked round the corner of the building. Just as he stepped out of Kuno's sight, someone emptied their fire bucket out of a second story window.

Nabiki heard a masculine voice from above complain saying, "Hey! Someone could be down there, you know!"

Another voice, holding tired sarcasm, replied, "It'll be fine!"

 _Right,_ Nabiki thought. _It'll be fine provided you're not an aqua-transsexual being pursued by Furinkan's wealthiest and most egotistical sex fiend._

She watched with bemused humor as Onna-Ranma screeched in protest and scrambled up a nearby tree.

 _He really is a lot like a chimp once his curse is invoked. He's all screech with arms and legs in motion whenever he turns into a girl,_ Nabiki thought with a growing grin.

Kuno's brain finally broke out of its semi-permanent do-loop. Nabiki knew this because he started shouting.

"What did you say, Ranma Saotome?"

Kuno followed after Ranma, but could not see him anywhere. Angry and confused, he slashed at a nearby tree with his bokken. It was a thicker tree than the others he had slashed, but Kuno was so angry that he was only half-aware of his surroundings. The bokken slashed through the trunk cleanly, not leaving so much as a single strand of bark holding the trunk to its newly formed stump. It toppled with a loud crunch of breaking limbs, but Kuno took no notice of it. He was too busy spinning and screaming.

"Pussy!" Kuno shouted. "You're sure fast on your feet, you nasty little shit!"

Hearing this, Nabiki gave out an involuntary gasp. The tree was the same one that Onna-Ranma had climbed to get out of sight. This turn of events was so funny that she was desperate to laugh out loud, but doing so would reveal her presence and likely stop the show.

Kuno spun around several times before he finally spotted Onna-Ranma lying among the broken branches. Ranma shook off the pain and sat up, while Kuno stood rooted to the spot staring at him. Kuno's mouth was hanging open as though he were shocked speechless.

 _That's funny,_ Nabiki thought. _I never thought I'd see a time when Kuno was at a loss for words. He hardly ever shuts up. He's always pontificating about something and never notices the huge insults thrown his way._

Kuno finally found his voice. "You...You're the osage-no-onna..."

Onna-Ranma looked thoroughly miserable.

 _Ranma looks as though he expects Kuno to try to bite him or something,_ Nabiki thought. _I wonder what's up with that attitude?_

Kuno fell on his knees in front of Onna-Ranma and reached out with both arms as though he was going to give Ranma a hug.

"Be my partner...Oof!"

Onna-Ranma hit Kuno between his eyes with a solid overhand right.

"Don't you come near me!" Onna-Ranma shouted.

Once Kuno finally got his arms around Onna-Ranma, Nabiki decided that the show had gone on long enough, and that it was time to put an end to Kuno's delusions. She conjured the janitor's water kettle to hand and poured its contents on Onna-Ranma's back.

"Ouch-chi-chi, shit!" Ranma screamed.

"Oops! I'm sorry, Ranma," Nabiki said in genuinely contrite tones, "Was that too hot?"

Kuno was still hugging who he thought was his "osage-no-onna," the girl with the braided queue, but it was Ranma's natural form that he was cuddling.

 _Surely he'll understand the situation now,_ Nabiki thought. _This should put an end to his delusional behavior - toward Ranma at least. I'll still hafta work on his fascination with my little sister._

"Ranma?" Kuno asked in a very tentative tone of voice.

"How long - " Ranma's voice was climbing in both volume in pitch " - are you gonna cling to me like that, you silly bastard?"

Ranma did what Nabiki would have considered impossible had she not seen it in person. Ranma planted his right foot in Kuno's face while he was talking to the delusional rich boy, and before Kuno released his hug on Ranma. Kuno was forced to let go as Ranma's foot came into forceful contact with his face.

"You understand how things are now, I hope," Ranma said with scorn as he turned to leave. "Be seein' ya."

Kuno stood frozen with shock for a moment, but then started screaming.

"Wait a damned minute, Saotome! Where did you hide my Osage-no-onna? Don't think you can fool me with a boring magic trick!"

This claim struck Ranma like a bolt out of the blue. He froze in mid-step then, after he recovered, he looked over his shoulder at Kuno and said, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

The look on Ranma's face was more fearful than angry.

 _Yes, Ranma-baby, Kuno really is that crazy,_ Nabiki thought. She decided that it was time for another intervention.

"It seems that he's in an especially thick fog today," Nabiki said gesturing for Kuno to come closer. "Kuno-baby, come here. We need to talk."

 _I'll put it to him as gently as I possibly can,_ Nabiki thought. _Maybe that will smooth over the fact that he's been lusting after his most hated rival, and prevent his emotions from overloading his itty-bitty brain._

"It's like this," Nabiki said in quiet calm voice, "That girl you've been lusting after? Her soul and body all belong to Ranma, understand? That's just the way she is."

Nabiki Tendo gave up the martial arts, as such, once she reached menarche. By that time, she realized that the one sure way to defeat one's opponents was to get ahead of them intellectually, not physically. She decided to focus on the mental aspects of combat rather than the physical, yet she did not give up on her physique altogether. She liked to eat too much to do such a foolish thing. Her slender good looks were one of her best weapons and she preferred her weapons honed to a fine edge.

The other thing she had a genuine talent for was seeing and reading people's auras. This talent had helped her cope with more than one dire situation during her young life. She knew she had done something horribly wrong the second she finished telling Kuno about his "Osage-no-Onna." His aura erupted from the top of his head like a volcano, and then poured down around him and spread out along the ground in swirls, much like a gritty pyroclastic flow.

 _Well, shit! I should have worded it differently,_ Nabiki thought. _I've given his delusional fore-brain the excuse it needs to leap to exactly the wrong conclusion. Who knows what he's thinking now?_

Kuno started speaking through his clinched teeth as he tightened his grip on his bokken until the very wood creaked.

"Her soul-and-her-body both belong to" - Kuno paused to take in a ragged breath - "you!"

The the air howled in protest as Kuno made a very sincere swipe at Ramma with his "practice" weapon. Ranma jumped backwards, and somehow stuck the trunk of yet another nearby tree, using his heels and palms to stay attached to it.

"How could you possibly have misunderstood what she said?" Ranma shouted.

"Oh, quit your bitching!" Kuno said. "I can just see how you do with her..." He then proceeded to describe in graphic detail how he believed that Ranma systematically abused his beloved "Osage-no-Onna," in very lewd and lurid ways. It sickened everyone within earshot, including Kuno himself. He covered his face with his right and and whispered, "She has such a hard time..." Kuno paused for a second before attacking Ranma again with his bokken.

"You enemy of women!" He shouted as his bokken slashed through the trunk of yet another middle-aged tree that morning.

Ranma had seen the attack building and was well out of its way before it touched the bark of the unfortunate tree.

"You're using your sick imagination to make shit up!" Ranma shouted as he landed well clear of the falling tree as well as Kuno's deadly wooden sword.

* * *

Akane arrived just as the real fighting between Kuno and Ranma started. She ducked behind a fancy plinth that supporting a bronze plaque that listed the names of everyone who had ever been the slightest part of the founding of Furinkan High School, especially Governor Ishihara, who had been governor of Tokyo for as long as Akane could remember.

"What are they fighting about now?" She asked no one in particular as she peeked out from behind the sturdy concrete plinth.

"I shall beat your wretched ass until you have no power over her!" Kuno shouted.

Ranma, who had just hopped up as high as the schoolyard fence was tall, almost two meters, shouted back, "Don'tcha just hope!"

Ranma seized the pointed end of Kuno's bokken as he descended and used it to add more leverage to his two-footed kick to Kuno's chest.

"So, if I whip your ass, then you'll hafta forget about her, right?" Ranma shouted as planted both feet in Kuno's chest and sent him reeling.

The powerful kick jarred loose a thick square piece of paper, roughly three sun square, from Kuno's person. Ranma, quick as ever, caught the piece of card stock. It turned out to be a photograph taken with an instamatic type camera. It had been taken while he was in his cursed form, pulling off his freshly soaked tank top. The only good thing that Ranma could see about it was that the picture had been taken while his back was to the camera.

He stared at it in dismay. _How did the Kuno-asshole get this picture? More importantly, who took it? I don't like being just anybody's sex object - not as a girl anyway - even if it is just very soft porn like this,_ Ranma thought.

Kuno was quick to take advantage of Ranma's being distracted. He struck with all his might, shouting, "An opening!"

Ranma was unable to dodge the blow, but he detected the attack in time to mitigate its effects on him. It otherwise would have cut him in two, just as it had the unfortunate trees that Kuno had slashed earlier that day.

 _Peeking out from behind the plinth, Akane gasped aloud. How on earth did Ranma survive that?_ She asked herself.

 _[A couple of notes about money are necessary. Back when the Ranma 1/2 series first started being written (1987-1996), times were very different. There were no cell phones that anyone could afford, the internet was still new, and the World Wide Web had just gotten started. Dot matrix printers were just starting to fade as laser printers started supplanting them. Back then, the Japanese yen was always traded somewhere between 95 and a 100 yen to the US dollar. We and the Japanese have seen an enormous amount of inflation since those days. Younger members of the reading audience will likely be unable to understand the import of this, but since Shinzo Abe was elected Prime Minister of Japan a second time in 2012, Japan has undergone an incredible amount of inflation since his second election. Abe chose to destroy the currency of Japan as a matter of policy. It was called "Abe-nomics." He has to have his government along with the Bank of Japan try to spend Japan back into prosperity. It has yet to work. The value of their currency has plummeted like a rock-so has ours. Today, 28 June 2014, it takes 101.41 yen to buy one US dollar. What does that tell you about the US dollar? Not good is it?_

 _At any rate, this is the place wherein a half-legendary thing called ki starts becoming important. Translated into English, the Japanese word "ki" can mean either wood or spirit. In Mandarin, the same things are referred to as "chi." Some of you will likely be more familiar with the Chinese word than you are the Japanese word. If you have ever practiced martial arts, you will hear a lot about this mysterious "ki," or "spirit." Many martial artists claim that they can detect it. Takashi takes the notion of ki to unexpected heights, yet stays well in keeping with some of the wilder stories you'll hear about how ki works. Enjoy it, but don't take it too seriously. This is a work of light fiction intended as social satire. Accept it as such.]_


	7. Volume 1 Part 7: You Will Know in an Ins

**You Will Understand in an Instant**

Ranma was badly hurt by Kuno's blow, but no one watching would have realized it. So long as Ranma faced an active opponent, he ignored his pain. His incredible toughness came from the torturous training regimen Genma put him through for ten long years. Once his opponent, or opponents, were no longer active, he might reveal that he was wounded, but even then, only under very special circumstances. Genma had been gleefully happy to take advantage of Ranma's every weakness, and he had learned the hard way that showing pain only invited more pain.

Ranma landed gently on his feet after receiving Kuno's sword blow, still in full control of his body despite the pain. Kuno pressed his attack as though Ranma were fully intact, just as any good warrior would. Hesitation in battle does worse than make you an incompetent fighter, it makes you a dead warrior. Ranma knew this right down to his bones. In most martial artists and soldiers who have never seen combat, such knowledge is merely theory. Ranma had seen more than his fair share of serious fighting in his young life.

Akane still peered out from behind the safety of the plinth that the dedication plaque was on. She was amazed by the battle between her newly acquired fiancé and her equally loathed upperclassman. Kuno was performing well above any level she had ever seen him perform at in the past. Ranma made a mockery of Kuno's skills by simply dodging the irascible kendoka's attacks, just as he had dodged Akane's attacks in the dojo on the day they met.

Akane's eyes widened with astonishment. _It's like Ranma's a mind reader or a prescient psychic of some kind. He always seems to know what's going to happen next. He is such a show-off,_ she thought. _Sure, he's a lot better than I am at fighting, but fighting isn't everything. He's just a show-off, that's all. I hate his being here. I was the best fighter around until he showed up._

The Kuno's strenuous exertions were jarring loose his recently acquired photographs. They kept popping out into the open and fluttering away from his gyrating body. Ranma caught each one as it floated free. He even took the time to look at some of them.

Akane did not know what those floating pieces of card stock were, but she did know that it was insulting to one's opponent to not give him or her one's full attention. Ranma's indifference incensed Kuno even more than he already was. Akane could tell because Kuno redoubled his efforts to chop Ranma into fine slices.

"Looking away in the middle of a fight is insulting mockery, asshole!" Kuno shouted at Ranma, as he tripled the speed of his attacks. Ranma threw himself back hard to avoid an especially vigorous thrust by Kuno.

This became so frightening, Akane clapped both hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. Ranma somehow landed on his back unhurt, by tumbling backwards as though he were doing a floor routine in gymnastics. He stopped once he neared Akane.

Akane gave him a stern glare as she said, "A word of advice? Whenever Kuno-sempai fights with a guy, he goes all out."

Ranma's eyes got a merry twinkle in them.

"I'll give _you_ a word of advice." Ranma paused to grin up at her. "Those blue panties ain't a suitable match..."

Akane felt the blood rush to her face. It felt as though hundreds of hostile strangers were using thousand of pins and needles on it.

"I've changed my mind about you..." Akane ran out of breath because she needed it to place kick Ranma, who sailed high into the air. "Go die!"

Ranma used up most of the energy from Akane's kick to tumble through the air. Just as he descended to an altitude of about a meter or meter-and-a-half above Kuno's head, he saw Kuno look up. Kuno had the fiercest look on his face Ranma had seen any kendoka muster.

"Playtime's over," Kuno said in a harsh whisper.

Ranma, who by now was preparing his landing, let out a puzzled grunt. Kuno thrust the pointed end of his bokken at Ranma, shouting, "Tsuki!"

Ranma watched in fascination as a vortex of air whipped off the end of the practice sword, distorting the light passing through it as it sailed past him with a tiny little, "Whirr-weet!" The sound dropped in pitch as it went by, much like the sound of a passing bullet. But, Kuno was not done with that single thrust. He launched into a prolonged staccato blast of sharp thrusts just like the first, each of them generating a wicked little vortex in the air. Ranma was forced to dance away fast to avoid the destructive little vortices leaving the end of Kuno's bokken. Kuno created a swarm of sudden destruction that screamed past Ranma one vortex at the time.

All of these destructive little tornadoes impinged on the plinth that Akane hid behind. The concrete began to crack and spall from the energy they transferred to it. It began shaking from the strain of the blows.

"Whoa!" Nabiki cried out. "From the air pressure alone?"

Then the plinth then began crumbling, much like a three day old cookie.

"Kiyaa!" Akane cried out in alarm.

"Get out of the way, stupid!" Ranma shouted as he looked over his shoulder at Akane.

"Eyes front, you dumbass!" Akane shot back.

Kuno took advantage of Ranma's distraction once again, striking him on the same spot on his side as before. Ranma grunted with pain, but did not flinch away. He responded with a series of rapid kicks that were nearly too fast for Akane to follow. It seemed as though Ranma's feet and legs became a cloud of fury, banging at the lanky kendoka in all the vital spots down his front.

Suddenly, Ranma danced away out of Kuno's range. He turned and looked at Kuno who stood stock still, as though Ranma's kicks had turned him into a meat statue.

Akane saw that his face was still frozen into the fierce mask he wore when he began his ferocious attack on Ranma. Then, without any perceptible warning, he toppled onto his side, lying as still as a corpse on the hard packed soil of Furinkan yard. To his credit, Kuno had maintained his grip on his weapon. He still had both his hands on it.

"What just happened?" Nabiki asked. She sounded overawed. She drew near Kuno and stared down at his inert body with her hands clasped together in front of her. Akane strode over and knelt down beside Kuno. Shoving one hand under his left shoulder, she forced his body to roll over. He had foot prints all over his face and down the front of his body.

"Heh! There's a footprint on every vulnerable spot on the front of his body," Akane exclaimed.

"And I didn't see a single kick," Nabiki said in a soft whisper. Akane knew that her elders sister was deeply impressed, just from the sound of her voice.

 _Can't blame her for that,_ Akane thought. _I am impressed too, but Ranma's just too much the show off. I saw what he did, even though it was hard for me to follow, and I can't do such a thing - at least not yet. I have to bring him down at least one notch, or he'll be so insufferable I'll hafta kill his showy ass._

She looked up only to find Ranma standing there, rocking his head from side-to-side. He had his fist on his hips and clearly was thinking that he was the cock-of-the-walk. He did everything but crow like a rooster. Akane was disgusted by his behavior.

"The defeated Kuno put up a surprisingly weak resistance," Ranma said.

Akane was even more annoyed by him after he made that brag. "What are you saying? You took a shot from him as well, right?"

"Aw, it was nothin'!" Ranma declared.

"Oh, really?" Akane asked as she rose to her feet. She patted the spot where she knew that Kuno had struck Ranma twice. "Does this feel good?"

"It's not a pro..." Ranma could not finish what he was about to say. He fell to the ground and wept like a baby - with real tears in his eyes.

Now Akane was amused. "Crying like that from pain doesn't exactly make you tough, does it?" She asked. "What was it that took your mind off the fight, anyway?"

Ranma handed her one of the photographs that had slipped out of Kuno's dougi top while they were fighting. It just happened that it was one of Akane's. She was outraged.

"What were you doing with this?" Akane shouted.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Ranma shouted back. "Kuno was carrying that!"

 _Nabiki!_ Akane thought. She looked over her shoulder and stared daggers at her sister. Nabiki looked frightened and embarrassed, but was not a bit contrite about what she had done.

"Hang on now," Nabiki said with a sheepish grin. "I was just trying to earn a little pocket money."

"Elder sister!" Akane was about to give Nabiki a piece of her mind when she was interrupted by Ranma.

"Who would want such sexless pictures as these?" Ranma asked as he flashed one of the pictures of his girl-type body at Akane. "At least pictures of a body like mine will make a temptation for..."

He never got to finish what he meant to say. Despite the strength of Akane's ki prior to her attack on him, he did not detect her anger. He was too preoccupied thinking about his cursed form that he became as oblivious as a Kuno to his surroundings. Akane tackled him and then tied him up into what can only be called a human pretzel.

* * *

Twenty minutes or so later, Akane arrived at the Ono Bone-setting Clinic with Ranma. She simply dragged him along behind her to get him there. Fortunately, the clinic was quite near the school so the number of abrasions on Ranma's clothing and skin were not numerous, and the few that he acquired on that short trip were much milder than the ones he had acquired in his fight with Kuno.

"Tofu-sensei! I have a patient here for you," Akane called out as she dragged Ranma's painfully twisted body through the front door and into the small lobby.

Hearing Akane's voice, Tofu ran to the lobby. He had a great deal of experience with Akane, and had treated many of her wounds - both those that she had suffered and the ones she had inflicted. The latter were always far more numerous than the former.

Most of the time, the stubborn girl would wait until the pain from her personal wounds became unbearable before she would allow her eldest sister to bring her to the clinic, thereby making her treatment much more difficult. But, she was here of her own accord this morning, and that meant she - or someone else - was in truly serious trouble.

Once in the lobby, Tofu was only a little shocked by Ranma's appearance. Nevertheless, he hurriedly picked the boy up and placed him on a bed in one of the examination rooms. Akane followed along fuming, making Tofu wonder what she had been up to.

Because his practice was near Furinkan High School, he had gotten a great deal of business from Akane's victims, but none of them had arrived in the shape that this kid was in. Tofu decided that it was time to take the mickey out of Akane over her behavior.

"This is simply atrocious!" He exclaimed. "Generally speaking, the wounds from the bokken would have been enough, but the bruises from the rest of the blows, along with the contusions, suggests that he was attacked by an angry left-wing mob!"

Tofu laughed inwardly at Akane's reactions to his rant. She looked both embarrassed and contrite.

 _Good! It's time for her to regain control of her temper,_ Tofu Ono thought. By now, Akane was hanging her head with shame, so Tofu decided to put another scoop or two of glowing coals on her head.

"Holy smokes what cruelty!" Tofu exclaimed as he stared at Ranma's folded, spindled, mutilated and bitten body. He held his stare for a carefully calibrated moment, then looked up at the shamefaced Akane and asked, "Do you know which mob did this?"

 _Oh, that really got to her!_ Tofu thought as he felt his inner smile widen into a joyous grin. He loved teaching younger people how to behave. Akane began to stammer in an effort to answer Tofu's question, when Ranma motioned him to come closer. Tofu bent low so that his right ear was near Ranma's face.

"That - sexless woman - tried to kill me..."

Ranma's choked out explication was abruptly cut off when Akane picked up the foot of the cot and lifted it high. Gravity promptly dragged Ranma off the cot and onto the cold hard tiles of the polished floor. He lay there in a quivering heap.

"You're just being a bad little boy, dammit!" Akane shouted.

This startled Tofu because the hospital cot was way more than he could comfortably pick up. Akane had just lifted one end of it higher than her head as though it weighed next to nothing.

 _She's even stronger than I suspected,_ Ono thought. _She must be getting an enormous amount of exercise each and every day._

"You did this, didn't you, Akane?" Tofu asked in a calm but cold voice.

 _She must admit to what she has done, or all this will be for naught,_ Tofu thought.

Akane let go of the end of the cot, letting it hit the floor with a loud bang, and started stammering again. It was clear from the sheepish look on her face that she was as embarrassed as she could be, and was searching for a way out of her dilemma.

Ranma put a stop to it all by speaking up in an aggrieved voice, saying, "Ha! What's with the cute little girl act? Just tell 'im what ya did!"

Akane's already embarrassed face fell until it nearly hit the floor with an audible slap.

Tofu smacked his left knee with his palm, grinning at Akane.

"So, things haven't changed a bit, have they?" Tofu said. "I thought I recognized the excessive damage." Tofu then indulged himself in a hearty belly laugh.

Akane stood and stared into the prostrate Ranma's eyes while Tofu laughed at the situation. Tofu stopped laughing as suddenly as he started, which is typical of the Japanese. He scooped Ranma up and gently set the boy back on the cot. He then went to work on Ranma in earnest, placing his right foot in the middle of Ranma's back, using it to hold him upright.

Tofu started with Ranma's left arm. "Take this dislocated joint for instance," Tofu said as he popped Ranma's shoulder back into its proper shape. "It's just darling Akane's way of being thorough."

Ranma howled like a dog that had been doused with boiling water, but Tofu ignored him and kept right on working on the boy's tangled joints, talking as Ranma's tortured cartilage made snapping and crunching noises. Ranma's bones would go "thunk," occasionally, just for additional amusement.

"You're Ranma Saotome, right?" Tofu asked as he popped Ranma's neck back and forth. "You're Akane's new fiancé."

"Yeah," Ranma managed to say. His voice sounded like that of a frog after it had been run over by bicycle.

Akane, however, was clearly upset that Tofu knew this about them.

"That's just our fathers' dream!" Akane shouted. "We're just waiting for them to cool off, and..."

Tofu grinned like the Cheshire cat at her sudden tirade.

"Now, now! It's too early to know if you two will be anything more than a dysfunctional couple, just as you are now. You are still children, after all."

Akane, Tofu noticed, pulled a long face.

"Yeah, I'm just a kid, " she muttered in a voice so low that Tofu could barely hear it.

Ranma threw a screaming fit as Tofu finished working on him. "That hurt, you know!"

It was all Tofu could do to stop himself from laughing out loud. The reason he always worked fast on his patients was to minimize the duration of the pains he inflicted on them as he pressed their joints back into the proper alignment. They often shouted and cried, but then..."That's odd, where are you still hurting?"

Ranma got a deeply puzzled look on his face as he tried moving his arms and legs; he rotated his ankles and wrists; his puzzled look changed to a look of shocked surprise.

"I'm cured!"

This was exactly the reaction Tofu Ono expected. It happened for him all the time - well - most of the time. There were those odd occasions when his mind wondered off into places unknown and unknowable, but most of his patients had learned to avoid him when his mind went on those still unexplained little trips.

* * *

Darkness had fallen outside as Akane and Ranma left the clinic. Tofu followed them to the door. As Ranma stepped across the threshold, Tofu placed his right hand on Ranma's shoulder. "Wait up a minute, Ranma-kun."

Ranma threw him a questioning look.

 _This kid has a real problem with speaking. It's almost as though he doesn't like to talk if he can help it_ , Tofu thought.

"Even though she's your unwanted, fiancée, go out of your way to get along with Akane," Tofu said.

 _I hope that they don't end up like the majority of married couples in Japan,_ Tofu thought. _Being married to someone you hate is a living death._

"I'm not the one who starts the hollerin'!" Ranma said. "She goes off over the least little thing - like nitroglycerin! She rejects me constantly!"

Tofu smiled as he remembered what Akane was like before she started attending Furinkan High School.

"I know, but she's such a sweet and well-behaved child."

"Are we talking about the same girl?" Ranma asked. His eyes were wide with shock, and his voice sounded as though he thought that Tofu had taken leave of his senses.

Tofu grinned and patted Ranma on the small of his back with the heel of his hand.

"You will understand in a single instant," Tofu said. "That girl's true nature is as sweet as a person can be."

* * *

Ranma hurried off down the street into the darkness. He had at first thought that Ono-sensei was a pretty cool guy, but now he had doubts about the lanky man. His behavior was as odd as everything else in Nerima.

 _Dammit! That Ono guy is as nutty as a fruit bat! Yet another goofy sumbitch that I'm gonna be dealin' with for as long as I'm here. I wish I could go it alone! I don't really know enough to go out on my own yet, but then Shit-daddy's so ignorant that he shouldn't be allowed to wander around on his own, either. So long as that old fart wants to stay here, I gotta stay too. What does that evil old shit have in mind for this Tendo bunch, anyway? We've never stayed with anyone that actually liked him - or me. We're doomed to wander the earth alone as far as I can tell. We can't fit in anywhere with anyone - let alone a flammable mix like Akane and her two sisters. I wish he would try to understand the predicaments he gets me into. I could maybe at least like him then. I can't wait to get out of here! I can't wait to grow up enough to be free of Shit-daddy, and I have got to find a cure for this fucking curse!_

"What did Doctor Ono want?" Akane asked as Ranma caught up with her.

"Aw, nuthin'," Ranma said.

His conversation with the chiropractor had been so confusing that Ranma wasn't really all that certain of what it had been about. Tofu had twice insisted that Akane was a very sweet person, but Ranma had only seen faint glimpses of that part of her personality. She had been like an angry bull in a China shop the rest of the time.

They went on for a while in silence. Akane seemed dejected and repressed. Her head was hanging low and her shoulders were in a curved slump. Most of the time she looked as though she were marching through life, in charge of herself and everything around her. She was normally fierce and proud at one and the same time.

 _Okay, so I'll pick on her just to see how she takes it,_ Ranma thought.

"He was tellin' me how he felt sorry for me havin' ta put with a violent witch like you for the rest of my life," Ranma said in a voice that he hoped Akane would recognize as only half-serious. It was the way he would have dealt with another boy, after all. He dropped back into an far too obvious ready stance and said, "You're a blackguard!"

"So, I am, am I?" Akane asked as she kept her eyes on the sidewalk and kept on walking without looking back. This tripped Ranma out. He had expected her to attack at that provocation. She had tried to kill him for much less already. He stopped and stared after Akane in complete disbelief. Akane kept on moving, and left the shocked-into-motionless Ramma behind.

With youthful impulsiveness, Ranma ran to catch up with Akane, then tried to gain her attention by violating her personal space; stepping in close and thrusting his face near the side of her head. He repeated this maneuver several times on each side of her. Finally, after she reacted to his antics by simply flinging her head to one side, he seized the ribbon in her hair and gave it a hard pull, forcing Akane to lean back and miss a step.

"Is it a lie?" Ranma asked.

Akane shook him off and resumed her walk home.

"Earlier, you would have gotten your feelings hurt by now," Ranma said.

 _I don't really understand this bird. What's the deal with her anyway?_ Ranma wondered.

"What are you saying, little boy?" Akane asked in an ominous tone of voice. "Are you trying to sell a fight?"

"Oh, yeah! Your getting angry again. Just like the Akane I'm use-ta knowin'," Ranma said.

 _It's good to know that she's at least predictable,_ Ranma thought. _That's a huge improvement over what I've been living with the last ten years._

"What is up with you?" Akane shouted as she swung her heavy book bag at Ranma.

* * *

Back at the clinic, Tofu Ono was watching the clock and counting down aloud as though he were waiting for a satellite launch. "Three-two-one..."

* * *

Ranma stepped backwards with a shout of surprise, as he dodged Akane's swing at him, then his legs buckled under him; he sat down heavily on the sidewalk with an audible grunt.

Ranma sat on the hard sidewalk looking up at Akane's reddened face as her anger quickly faded into concern.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked.

"My legs..." Ranma started to explain, but his mind interrupted his speech with a sudden recollection.

 _That sly scoundrel Ono did something to me as I left the lobby. I remember him patting me on my lower back in a funny way. That must be why I can't walk or stand up now,_ Ranma thought.

"Don't be so full of yourself," Akane said as she sat down on the sidewalk in front of him. She started pulling his right arm over her right shoulder, but Ranma was having none of it - whatever it was.

"This is how you plan on finishing me off?" Ranma asked in an alarmed voice.

"You don't want to ride piggy back?" Akane asked. "I was going to carry your wretched boy-ass home."

"Bullshit!" Ranma shouted. "It'd be too damned embarrassin' for a man to ride helplessly on your bony back!"

Akane said nothing to this. She got up; walked over into a nearby front yard, and then picked up the garden hose the owner had left attached to the hose bib. She pointed the nozzle at Ranma, and gave its conical piece a twist to the left so that the water came out as a fine spay. Ranma was suddenly wet, cold and female.

"What if your body is in its female form?" Akane asked. "Will that be excuse enough?"

Onna-Ranma suddenly found his tits pressed up to Akane's muscular back as she carried him piggyback down the street. He was thankful for the thick material her uniform had been mad from. It meant that she would not feel his stiffening nipples against her back.

Akane carried his girl-type body easily enough. It was much smaller and lighter than his male body was. He could feel Akane's muscles rippling as she strolled down the sidewalk. Despite their mutual hostility toward each other, he also felt the heat flowing between their bodies. It was a lot like standing near a fire. He remembered what Tofu had said about his volatile fiancée.

 _I still don't quite get her, Doc_ , Ranma thought as Akane walked on packing him through the dark streets. He could feel her hips sway between his legs. _She likes me when I'm a girl just fine - it seems - but she'd a gotten pissed if I had let her give my guy type a piggy back. I would've gotten a stiffy, and she'd a noticed. It doesn't take much imagination ta figger out how that wudda ended. I already seen how she reacts to normal guys, and it ain't pretty. Insteada bein' flattered, she gets mad. What is up with that, anyway? She seems to be head over heels in love with you, and you're a guy, why does she get so friggin' mad at me when I'm in my male form?_


	8. Volume 1 Part 8: Because there is a

**Because there is a Likable Girl He Needs.**

Kasumi Tendo rose at four in the morning - her usual time to get up. She threw off her nightgown; put on her housecoat; then went downstairs for a quick ablution and a prolonged soak. She had decided to skip her usual Tai-chi exercises that morning because of her new guests, the Saotomes. While she allowed her taut muscles in her shoulders and neck to relax in the hot water, she began to think about the two members of the Saotome Clan. She did not particularly like either of them, but she did feel a great deal of sympathy for Ranma Saotome. He had traveled with his insufferable father for ten long years on a very harsh yamagomori (training trip). Just thinking about such a trip mad her shudder.

It was clear that a person such as Genma Saotome would focus solely on the physical aspects of the martial arts, to the cost of all the others - such as manners and proper speech. Whenever she found herself being put out by Ranma's behavior, she made a point of recalling how he looked when his father unceremoniously dumped him front of the Tendo family. Ranma fiddled about with the bitter end of his cue and apologized for the way Genma - in his cursed form - had delivered Ranma to Tendo-ke as though he were a merely a sack of sweet potatoes. He had looked vulnerable and cute, even though he had been crusted over with travel grime, smelling worse than a locker room, Kasumi found her heart going out to the pitiful waif.

 _I can easily understand Ranma's predicament,_ Kasumi thought. _I'm almost twenty now, but Father has not done even one thing to find me a husband._ _He held off until this Saotome fellow brought his cursed little boy here. I am certainly glad that Nabiki can think on her feet and followed my lead. Surely Akane's temper will drive both of them away soon. I shall make inquiries of the local matchmaker. Perhaps she'll be able to find me a suitable husband. Father will just have to fork over the money for the omiai_ [Cultural note: An _omiai_ is a formal meeting between a man and a woman with matrimony as a prospect between them. The man typically picks up the costs, but Kasumi being as old as she is must assume that the burden will be hers.] _fees._

Kasumi had lived in Tendo-ke for almost her entire life. Soun had paid cash for it while she was still a toddler. Over the years, she had learned every noise the house made under all conditions, but she had never heard a noise such as the soft thump at the foot of the stairway she heard that morning. She checked the clock. It was a quarter till five in the morning. The soft thump was followed by quick sequence of ponderous steps descending the stairs, as though their maker was in a rush. She heard the sliding doors to the engawa being thrown back in their rails., followed by a loud, "Kiyaah!" It was Genma Saotome's voice. "You're getting' soft, boy!"

"Bleah!" Ranma's masculine, yet very boyish voice answered derisively. Kasumi could tell from the noise that Ranma made that he had a finger stuck in each corner of his mouth.

 _Why are they so rude to each other?_ Kasumi thought. _You would think that that they were hated enemies rather than father and son. Oh, well! Time to cook breakfast._

She got out of the furo and dried herself off, then put on one of her better household shifts, along with a conservative pleated skirt and a plane light blue top. She brushed the morning tangles out of her long hair, leaving her pony tail across her right shoulder so that it hung down her front. This last was on purpose. Kasumi was as proud of her womanly endowments as any other girl, and she had plenty of them to show off.

She went into the kitchen and loaded the rice cooker and frowned.

 _There used to be several cups of rice left over after every meal, now there is never any,_ Kasumi thought. _Perhaps I should mention it to Nabiki. I always made use of the leftover rice. Not having any to spare is a major inconvenience._

She dug some pickled vegetables of the huge crock she kept in a cabinet under the counter, put them into a smaller jar and set them on a shelf in the refrigerator to chill.

Those will be for luncheon and dinner, Kasumi thought. She took a half empty jar of already chilled pickles for breakfast."

"Oh, dear!" Kasumi exclaimed. "We're nearly out of eggs already. I'll have to wait until the rice is done and scramble the few we have."

She began chopping the fresh daikon, green onions, and spinach for the miso soup. She had a few shiitake mushrooms left so she cut those up as well.

"That's it for the fresh vegetables," Kasumi muttered. "I shall have to go to the market today."

Nabiki stumbled into the kitchen looking glum with bags under her eyes.

"Morning, Sis," Nabiki said in a tired voice. She yawned. "Our new heroes wake you up?"

Kasumi stopped humming to answer Nabiki's question. "I was already up and in the furo when they started their routine this morning."

They could hear Ranma pelting his father with exceptionally rude insults outside.

Nabiki groaned.

"Genma-no-Panda woke me up this morning at the same time he woke Ranma," Nabiki said in an aggravated voice. "I wish he'd learn to do that a little quieter."

"He woke you?" Kasumi asked absently minded as she stirred the soup. The rice cooker was hissing away on one end of the counter.

"Yeah, they did," Nabiki said, rubbing her eyes. "I stay up too late studying to be wakened so early in the morning. Why do they do that shit?"

"Make noise, you mean?" Kasumi asked, unable to keep the amusement out of her voice. Nabiki was a real champ at keeping the household finances in order, but a right bitch as well.

"You'd think that they hated each other the way they shout and carry on," Nabiki said. "I think Ranma might actually hate Genma as much as I do."

Kasumi chuckled as she cracked another egg into a bowl. "That's saying something."

"I can't stand the man," Nabiki said. "What does Dad see in that nasty bastard? To think Daddy actually wants one of us to marry its son!"

Kasumi was unable to suppress a shudder.

"I really don't know. That's why I encouraged Akane to take Ranma on as her fiancé," Kasumi said. "I'm certain that her temper will drive the two of them off inside of a month."

"That was fast thinking, Sis, but it will take more than Akane's temper to drive off Genma-no-Panda," Nabiki said with another yawn. "He's too lazy to hold a job, and Ranma's more than good enough to pound him shitless. I think that's the reason Panda-man decided to end their yamagomori.

"What makes you think Ranma can beat up his father, Nabiki-chan?"

"You remember Tatewaki Kuno, right?"

Kasumi rolled her eyes and made a face. "Arrogant beast!"

"Exactly," Nabiki said. "Nearly every guy in our class has tried to beat some manners into him, but Kuno taught _them_ a lesson instead."

"So I've heard," Kasumi said she crossed her arms under her breasts and began tapping her right foot. She was now waiting for the rice cooker to finish the rice. She needed some for the omelets she was about to cook for breakfast.

"Ranma beat Kuno so badly that I couldn't even follow what he did," Nabiki said.

 _Nabiki is genuinely impressed,_ Kasumi thought. "Did he put Kuno down?"

"Big time!" Nabiki exclaimed. "Didn't leave a single soft spot untouched. Ranma used just his left foot to strike Kuno all up and down the front of his body. You should've seen it."

Kasumi smiled once the rice cooker dinged. "I'm sure it was most impressive, Sis, but I've got work on these omelets, now. Unless you want to help..."

"I'm outta here, Sis," Nabiki said as she poured herself a cup of freshly brewed coffee. "Think Dad would like some coffee this morning?"

"You know he usually drinks tea in the mornings, Nabiki," Kasumi answered. "Did he ask for any?"

"No, but I'd like to drink a second cup this morning if I can," Nabiki said.

"And I'd like us to buy a bigger rice cooker," Kasumi said with a smile. "Think we can afford it?"

Nabiki frowned. "You're kidding, right?"

Kasumi put on her saddest face, which only made her look angelic.

"The two freeloaders eat as much as the three of us put together!" Nabiki exclaimed. "We can just barley afford the rice to go in a cooker."

Kasumi gave her younger sister a sad smile as she shrugged her shoulders. "It was just a hope."

"I'll tell Akane that she'll have to skip her block breaking for a couple of weeks," Nabiki said. "That should cover the price of a bigger rice cooker."

"And we could likely sell this one to a college student or something," Kasumi said brightly as she dropped a half-a-paddle of freshly cooked rice into preheated skillet with hot bacon grease. The rice sizzled and popped as it hit the bottom of the pan. "That will make it even easier to pay for the new one."

Nabiki very deliberately threw a sigh at Kasumi before she walked out of the kitchen, nursing her hot coffee. Kasumi loved the smell of coffee, but could not bear the taste of it. She very much preferred tea as her single source of caffeine.

She glanced out the window and saw Ranma sail gracefully by as though he was being born along on wings. She shook her head.

"He's talented," she muttered, "must give him credit for that."

She stirred the eggs into the hot bacon grease, and they quickly began to set. She stirred them about so as incorporate as much of the caramelized rice as she could into the omelet she was making. She'd divide it up into small pieces after it was done so that each person at her humble table could have at least one piece.

Just as Kasumi finished setting the table, which meant that she had brought out the entire rice cooker still loaded with most of its contents, Genma let out a particularly loud, "Kiai!"

He and Ranma sailed into the sky toward one another. To anyone watching it would seem that the man and his teenage son were defying the laws of physics. They could literally maneuver while in the air and not in contact with any visible thing. Genma lashed out with a well aimed kick at his son, but the canny Ranma blocked it off with one of his own.

The sight of their shins banging together forced a wince out of Kasumi. She smiled impishly. _I'll pay them back a little for the trouble they've caused us,_ Kasumi thought.

"Saotome no Ojiisan!" She called out in her sweetest voice, "Ranma-kun! "The morning rice is ready!"

* * *

Kasumi's trick worked out as well as she expected. Genma, being the nasty piece of work that he was, clapped both his feet around Ranma's ankle as their concentration broke, thus he dragged his son down with him toward the surface of the koi pond.

Genma pulled a long face as he and Ranma fell toward the water.

"We are very grateful as well as apologetic, Kasumi-san!" Genma shouted back. Ranma was screaming out protests as they fell toward the water, but it did him no good. His father was determined to see him soaked, and did not loosen his grip on Ranma's ankle. They hit the pond with a koi panicking splash, that threw drops of water onto the engawa.

Genma-no-Panda crawled out of the pond and stood on its edge on his all-fours. He shook himself the same way a dog would to free his loose coat of fur free of water, flinging the pond water in Onna-Ranma's face. Onna-Ranma threw a hateful glare at his father.

 _Stupid Shit-daddy! He knows how bad I hate this curse! He saw to it that I got wet, just because he lost his concentration,_ Onna-Ranma thought. _Maybe I can find a buyer for his shanmao ass_ [Cultural note: Chinese do not call pandas pandas. They use the word _shanmao_ instead, which literally translates into English as mountain cat; _shan_ means mountain and _mao_ means cat].

Genma was dry enough from his shaking to waddle into the tatami room and sit at the table. His fur was damp and it stank to high heaven, but no water dripped on anywhere. Onna-Ranma, though, was obliged to wring as much of the water out of his clothing as possible before going into the house. He did his pants first. He struggled to get back into them, then sat down on outer part of the engawa to start wringing the water out of his favorite red silk shirt.

The shirt was made from very heavy silk with a white cotton lining. He had several versions of the same shirt. He and Genma had knocked over a dye shop in China for them on the way home. Ranma had outgrown the clothes he had arrived in China with, but he had not known about the fiancée business he was headed for. It occurred to him that his father wanted him to look good for Soun's daughters once they arrived, or he would not have bothered knocking over the dye shop.

[Cultural note: Japanese men think nothing of exposing their private parts in public. No one thinks twice about such things. A woman, on the other hand, must think twice about exposing herself anywhere away from the public bathhouses that allow mixed soaking. Bare penis's and scrotums are no big deal, but bare breasts and exposed vulva are a _huge_ no-no.]

 _Sorry old fart!_ Onna-Ranma thought as he continued to wring out the heavy shirt. _It figgers that he'd do something evil just to carry out an evil plot against a family that thinks he's a friend. What does Shit-daddy want from these people anyway? He cannot possibly want me to marry one of these three girls for this tiny dojo. Besides, all three of these girls are too smart to get into a marriage with likes of me and him. They don't like me all that much, but they positively despise him. I can see it in their faces every time they look at him or even when they just hear his voice._

Genma-no-Panda was sitting a the table scribbling on a blank sign. Once it was finished, he held it up so that everyone could read it.

TODAY I'M GETTING A PART TIME JOB.

Onna-Ranma was too startled to think things through to their logical conclusion.

"A part time job?" Onna-Ramma asked in a surprised voice. "You sign up ta join the local animal park or sumthin?"

Genma-no-Panda held up yet another sign that read: MISTAKE!

Nabiki, who was sitting at the table did not quite succeed in keeping the relief off of her face.

"Pass the soy sauce, please, Ojiisan," she said.

Soun Tendou is one of those people who forces himself to be cheerful in the mornings when he first gets up. Ranma had become accustomed to Soun's behavior and went out of his way to be accommodating toward his host. Soun stepped out of the furoba with a huge smile pasted on his face. He strode toward Onna-Ranma now sitting topless on the engawa.

 _I'll trade an artificially happy Soun Tendo for a truly sour Shit-daddy any day of the week,_ Ranma thought.

Yo, Ranma-kun!" Soun called out in his hale-fellow-well-met voice. "Getting some morning exercise I see. That's good for the spirit!"

"Good morning, Tendo-san!" Onna-Ranma responded with a cheerful voice. He gave his shirt a snap to get more water out of it, revealing his naked breasts. Soun froze in mid-step with his eyes bulging out.

 _Oh, shit, oh dear!_ Onna-Ranma thought. _I forgot that I'm in my cursed form. Damn this female body! It always makes men horny, and I never expect that. I gotta get used to that what the sight of my cursed body does to 'em. I hate bein' a girl. I just hate it! Hate it! Hate it! Hate it!_

Ranma did his best to ignore the embarrassing situation and went back to drying out his shirt. Soun, who had been brushing his teeth, stopped brushing and staggered over to the head of the table, and sat down with his tooth brush clamped between his teeth.

Akane who, unbeknownst to Onna-Ranma, had been heating water stormed out of the kitchen with the heavy kettle held by its bail with her right hand. She held it casually, as though it weighed nothing. She shouted her outrage as she poured hot water on Onna-Ranma's head.

"You are so shameless! You don't have a _shred_ of feminine modesty, do you?"

Ranma was annoyed by this.

 _I didn't meant to flash her old man,_ he thought. _She's actin' as if I did that shit on purpose. She should know better by now. I just forget, that's all - and she's one to talk about me not having any ladylike modesty. She's been beating up every guy in school on a daily basis. It's time for me to mess with her head again._

With as bored and slow witted a look on his face as he could muster, Ranma asked, "What do you know about feminine modesty, anyway?"

"What are you saying, you shameless slut?" Akane shot back.

"You're not one to talk," Ranma said. He was aggravated and it made his voice harsher than normal. "You're always gettin' on my back for no reason."

"So people say," Kasumi interjected in her bright as the morning sn voice. "Akane, would you mind stopping by Tofu-sensei's clinic on the way home from school?"

She held up a book so that everyone could see it. It was entitled _"Emergency Treatment of the Unconscious."_

 _I'm not surprised that she borrowed it,_ Ranma thought. _Akane's always knocking some out poor slob somewhere around town. I probably owe my life to that old book._

"I borrowed this book without promising that I'd return it, but I want you to drop it off anyway," Kasumi said.

"I don't go that way usually," Akane said. "I...it would be simpler for you..."

"Really?" Ranma asked, interrupting Akane before she could find the right words to say. "You go there every time you get hurt, right?"

Akane started to look angry again, but Ranma ignored all the warning signs.

"This is a good excuse for ya ta go see him, right?" Ranma asked.

Kasumi noticed that Soun had not touched his breakfast and still had his tooth brush sticking out of his mouth. Toothpaste and blended with his saliva and dripped off his chin and onto his pants."

"Father? Don't you think it is time to take the toothbrush out of your mouth?" Kasumi asked in a very carefully polite voice.

Akane stood up, seized Ranma by his braided queue and said, "We're running late."

Akane started running, pulling Ranma along behind her, rice bowl and all. She had taken off as he was lifting a bit of rice towards his mouth, without even giving him time to put his bowl back on the table.

* * *

Akane tore down the street with Ranma streaming along behind her as though he were a mere piece of silk, rather than his sixty-eight kilograms of bone and muscle. It was a very impressive performance, all said and done, but fairly typical of the Nerima district. Someone was nearly always doing something strange in this part of Tokyo.

Just as they were about to turn the corner and reach the gates of Furinkan High School, the same little old lady got Ranma with a splash of cold water from her ladle, invoking his curse.

"Akane, wait!" Onna-Ranma shouted to no avail. Akane was too intent on getting to school for some reason. Onna-Ranma shouted again as they passed through the gate. "Wait up, I'm tellin' ya, you ill-tempered scolding witch!"

Akane swirled around to the left as she dragged Onna-Ranma through the gate, slamming him up against the wall in one smooth motion.

"Okay, Ranma," Akane said with a growl, "that's more than enough! Now, mind your own business."

"Why do you say that I should mind my own business?" Onna-Ranmma asked.

"Because Tofu-sensei already has..." Akane cut herself off as she noticed Onna-Ranma's chest. She was shocked out of her wits by his inexplicable transformation.

 _No wonder he felt so light! Since when can he invoke his curse at will?_ Akane wondered. _It just cannot be!_ She felt her eyes bulge as they grew wide, staring at Onna-Ranma's chest. _He's as well endowed as a girl as he is when he's in his birth form. Why haven't I noticed before? It's not fair that he has breasts that big. They can't be real!_

She opened the front of Onna-Ranma's shirt to make certain that his large breasts she had just noticed really were there. They were, and Onna-Ranma now wanted to know why she had opened the front of his shirt.

 _He probably thinks that I should be fitted for a straight jacket or something,_ Akane thought. _I would._

This is why I was hollerin' wait," Onna-Ranma explained in a patient voice.

The horde of horny boys stalked up behind Akane. She heard them, but it was Onna-Ranma who saw them.

"What are you assholes starin' at?" Onna-Ranma shouted.

Akane whirled around into a defensive stance. _I gotta protect Ranma long enough for him to cover up his breasts,_ Akane thought. _These horny creeps will hound him to death if I don't._

* * *

"Who are you after this morning?" Akane asked the mob.

All of them had tears running down their cheeks while sniffling, as though they had just lost a loved one.

One of the older ones, wearing a blue and white striped shirt, answered in a quavering voice, "No longer will we fight with you for sex."

[Cultural note: The Japanese verb " _idomu_ " can be taken to mean "challenge" as to challenge to a fight, or "pressure for sex, attempting to seduce, or woo" in English. This is one of Takahashi's infamous puns.]

"We hereby recognize your engagement to Ranma Saotome," one of the older boys wearing a dougi said.

"What's this about?" Onna-Ranma asked. She was clearly annoyed with the horde 'o horny turds.

Akane looked over her shoulder and saw that Onna-Ranma had not done up the fastenings on his shirt, and that his ample bosom was showing for all the horde to see.

"Cover your chest!" Akane ordered in a frantic voice. "Your chest!"

She then turned her head to face the horde and asked, "Why are you doing this again..."

[Cultural note: Takahashi has Akane say, " _Nande mata_..." which, because it is written without any kanji characters, could mean either "How is your crotch?" or "Why are you doing this again?" I chose the latter interpretation. This is yet another one of Takahashi's famous puns.]

"To sum it all up," Kuno's voice came unexpectedly from behind the crowd, "it is claimed that Ranma Saotome defeated Tatewaki Kuno."

Everyone in the horde, Akane and Ranma with them, looked Kuno's way. His face and chest were wrapped in bandages. He looked as though someone tried to mummify him and failed. He was a truly dreadful sight.

"It is a ludicrous theme spread around like green onions," Kuno said. "However, I refuse to acknowledge such a defeat."

[Cultural note: Scallions or green onions are used in nearly every dish in the Orient. In Japan, chopped green onions are used at least as often as the Italians use chopped parsley. Here, Kuno is using them as a metaphor to indicate just how common the rumor of his defeat has become. He _has_ been defeated, of course, and that is why word has gotten around, but he refuses to acknowledge that a wild, deeply tanned rapscallion like Ranma Saotome could beat him while he was armed with his beloved _bokutou_ , or _bokken_ , a wooden practice sword.]

Then the boy in the blue and white striped shirt spoke up saying, "Kuno was the most powerful man in Furinkan High School..."

The boy wearing the dougi chimed in saying, "And was also our worst pervert..."

Kuno cut him off by shouting, "Who's a pervert?"

A third boy continued with, "You are Saotome's partner, so we have decided to accept that." He wiped at his nose with the back of his forearm.

"I do not accept it!" Kuno shouted.

Akane stepped in close to Ranma and whispered, "You're ten times the pervert Kuno is, right?" She snickered.

"Don't you just wish!" Ranma hissed.

Kuno was busy unraveling the bandages on his face. Both of his eyes were black and there was a bruise around his swollen lips in the shape of Ranma's foot.

"Even if the coward Saotome kicked me in a hundred, or even two hundred different spots, it would not make the least bit of difference to me," Kuno shouted for all to hear.

Onna-Ranma was suddenly furious and quite forgot his condition and who he was standing in front of. He shouted at Kuno asking, "Who's a coward? Who?"

Akane found herself desperately trying to rein Ranma in before he revealed what he was to the rest of the students.

"Wait! Wait..." Akane started saying, but Onna-Ranma ignored her and continued to rant at Kuno.

"I beat you like a drum," Onna-Ranma said. "You can talk yourself hoarse, but that won't change a thing."

Kuno gave out his trademark insane barking laugh, then said, "Well, if it isn't the girl with a braided queue!"

Onna-Ranma had been stamping over to Kuno when he spoke; Kuno was mesmerized by Onna-Ranma's exposed bosom. His stare froze Onna-Ranma in his tracks. "Urk!"

"Surely, you lack a single shred of feminine modesty," Akane said to the now chagrined Onna-Ranma in a hoarse whisper.

Kuno swiftly took Onna-Ranma's right hand and said, "Be my partner."

"Now hang on a minute!" Onna-Ranma said. "I was thinkin' that you were in love with Akane."

"Of course I am," Kuno said.

"Akane's watching us, you dense bastard!" Onna-Ranma all but shouted.

Kuno gave out a surprised grunt as Onna-Ranma turned to see what Akane was doing.

 _I'll teach both of these little boys a lesson,_ Akane thought. She started walking off with her hand on her mouth, as though she had just been betrayed by a dear friend and was eagerly fleeing.

"I had no idea!" Akane said in a loud voice, but terminated her speech with an audible choke.

"Wouldja look at us?" Onna-Ranma cried out. Kuno was making him increasingly desperate.

Akane turned her now huge shining eyes on the two of them and said in a melodramatic voice, "Kuno-sempai, if you love that girl, I'll keep my place. I will not try to pull you away from her."

It was all Akane could do not to burst out laughing, of course. Kuno was deeply moved by her act.

Ten-Tendo Akane!" He cried out as though in pain.

Onna-Ranma felt horrified. "Wha-wah-wah-what did you just say?"

Kuno started having an oh-my-daughter-oh-my-ducats moment. After a few minutes of visible internal turmoil that horrified everyone present, he shouted, "I shall have the pair!"

As he lunged for Akane and Onna-Ranma, Onna-Ranma nailed him on his badly bruised lips with several kicks of his left foot. Kuno went as though he were a tired old building struck by a wrecking ball.

"Yep! Just like that," one of the horde said with heartfelt sincerity in his voice.

"Give our regards to Ranma when you see 'im," another said.

Akane was eager to be off before they got curious and had started pushing Onna-Ranma along from behind.

"Yes, thank you,"Akane answered the last boy. Onna-Ranma was so cross that he looked as though he might throw up, but he managed to choke back on his gore long enough to find hot water and a change of clothing. They still made it to class on time, despite their early morning ordeal with Kuno and the rest of the horde 'o horny toads.

* * *

Later that morning, during physical education, Ranma was showing off for his two newly acquired friends by doing one-handed giants on the high bar. He nailed a perfect triple twist dismount and landed with barely bent knees to finish off his routine. He was not even breathing hard. He walked over to them and sat down on the grass. It was his turn to watch someone else perform.

It is a testament to the Japanese, and their desire to conform to everyone around them, that Ranma had never been invited to be on one of the Furinkan sports teams. He would have turned them down had he been asked, but all of the coaches knew that he had been outside Japan for several years, and that their teams would want nothing to do with him. Besides, he had the tan of a working class man, and his Japanese was even cruder than a member of the working class. His two friends were in similar straits.

One of them, Hiroshi, had light brown hair and was a hale and hearty fellow who had grown up in Russia. He was outgoing in the extreme, as many Russians are, and this sort of behavior did not sit well with the students attending Furinkan.

The other boy who had dark hair was called Daisuke. He was from Hokkaido. Even though Hokkaido is part of Japan, the citizens of Tokyo still treated him as though he were a foreigner. People from Hokkaido are much more western in their overall attitude than are the rest of the Japanese, and the rest of the Japanese, especially the people living in Tokyo, think of people from Hokkaido with a kind of faint disdain. The three boys drifted together simply because social pressures pushed them into a small group of individualists.

"That was amazing, Ranma," Daisuke said in an awed voice. "I've never seen anyone do giant handstands on the high bar one handed."

"That's because this guy went to China to study genuine gymnastics," Hiroshi said.

"I went there to study genuine kenpo," Ranma said in a tired voice. He had grown tired of explaining himself to everyone. He did not mention that gymnastics was easy for anyone out of his particular school of martial arts.

Hiroshi crept over to Ranma and put his hand on Ranma's left shoulder. "You live with Akane, dontcha?"

"Huh?" Ranma grunted.

"Don't play dumb with us," Daisuke said as he sidled over near Ranma's right side. He whispered in Ranma's ear. "You're her fiancé."

The quality of the conversation went down hill fast after that. Hiroshi started demanding to know what Akane and Ranma did in bed every night, then Daisuke started making suggestions about what he and Akane might well be doing. It was all a product of their fevered imaginations inspired by their rampant teenage hormones, but it put Ranma off. Their nasty talk was triggering his hormones - both sets of them.

He could not imagine himself doing such things with a girl that was simply a mark to be taken advantage of. He did not want to become attached to her in any emotional way. Besides, Akane had not shown him all that much in the way of being sexually attractive. He did not dare tell his two newly acquired friends about his curse, and that Akane was happier with his cursed body than she was with his male form.

"Don't say shit like that!" Ranma exclaimed.

Hiroshi was not impressed with Ranma's protests. He threw his arm around Ranma's neck in a Russian wrestling hold that he learned and said, "I'll bet you take long hot soaks with her in the furo."

Ranma was even further put off by that, because it struck very close to home, and the memories it invoked were not the least bit pleasant.

"Who would want to do that with a non-cute girl like her?" Ranma demanded to know. "Tell me who?"

Still, Ranma was unable to tear his eyes away from Akane who was playing left field on the baseball diamond. She was wearing the mandatory white tee shirt with red short-shorts that the Japanese referred to as "bloomaas." She jumped up high to catch a long fly ball and nailed it. She landed gracefully on her feet, her small breasts bouncing beneath her tight tee shirt.

"That's an out!" Akane called out.

"Our turn at bat!" One of Akane's teammates said.

Hiroshi was outraged by Ranma's attitude. "Akane's the _one_ , man! What's the matter with you?"

Hiroshi gave Ranma a brief choke and a shake, then moved away from Ranma, never taking his eyes off Akane for so much as a second.

"She's so cute!" Hiroshi exclaimed.

"She isn't cute," Ranma said in an aggravated voice. "Besides, she has another guy she likes better'n me."

Ranma finally managed to tear his eyes off of Akane and look to his left. Just as he did so, the crack of a bat echoed all over Furinkan yard. Akane had hit a hard foul ball; it hummed along about a yard off the ground; then bounced up off the grass, striking Ranma's right cheek. It hit so hard that that the heavy softball stuck to Ranma's head. It was one of the most humiliating things Ranma had ever had happen to him. Hiroshi did not hesitate to razz him.

"Gee, Saotome," Hiroshi said, "You're an expert at kenpo. Couldnja have avoided that somehow?"

"I was preoccupied with something, okay?" Ranma said in a disgusted voice.

He immediately began recalling the hum of the grapefruit-sized ball as it sailed low across Furinkan yard; the smell of the dust it kicked up when it hit the ground near him; then the startling pain of it colliding with and sticking to his face. It hurt when he tried to pull it off, so he left it where it was and went to see the nurse.

 _Damn, Akane's got a lot of power in her swing,_ Ranma thought. _She must've been doing the same workouts that kendoka use to strengthen their sword arms._

* * *

A few minutes later the nurse managed to pull the heavy ball away from Ranma's smarting cheek, but she dared not do anything more for his wounds.

"You should see your family physician today," she told him as she taped a bandage over the deep marks the ball left on his swelling cheek. "This needs looking after that I am not competent enough to perform."

"Thanks, for your help," Ranma said in a glum voice.

 _I'll stop at that bone-setter's clinic on the way home,_ Ranma thought. _He's as goofy as a wooden watch, but he's a martial artist on top of being a bone-setter. Surely he can do something for a simple bruise like this._

Once school let out, Akane and Ranma walked side by side toward Tendo-ke. Akane was at her wits end with Ranma.

I'm sorry that it still hurts," Akane said.

Ranma walked along with his face turned away from Akane. He did not want to look at her anymore. He feared that he might fall in love with his mark.

 _We are not the least bit compatible,_ Ranma thought. _Only evil can ever exist between us._

"Aargh!" Akane screamed with frustration. "I've already apologized thirty times!" She started staring over her right shoulder, away from Ranma.

The two of them walked on down the street in an uneasy silence until they were brought up short by the sight of Genma-no-Panda sweeping the sidewalk in front of Tofu's Bone-setting Clinic.

"Uncle Saotome?" Akane asked in a surprised voice. Ranma merely made a grunting noise to signal his surprise.

Ranma was beside himself with shock and disbelief.

"What are you doing here, Pops?" Ranma asked.

As if on cue, Tofu Ono stepped out of his building and saw Ranma and Akane standing on the sidewalk in front of Genma-no-Panda.

"Hello, Ranma-kun," Tofu said with a nod at Ranma, "Akane-chan."  
Indicating Genma-no-Panda, Tofu said, "I'd like to introduce you to my new part timer, Genma Saotome."

While Akane hastened to explained that Genma-no-Panda was Ranma's father. Ranma was entirely too discombobulated to explain the complexities of the situation between himself and Genma-no-Panda. He was so busy thinking, that he only just barely heard Akane talking.

 _Not only is Shit-daddy in his cursed form, he's holdin' down a regular job!_ Ranma thought. _This is serious. He's only done that when there was absolutely no other choice. This has gotta be old man Tendo's doing, but why? What kind of hold does he have on Shit-daddy? If I could just figger that out, I could force Shit-daddy to take me back to China - and no swimming this time, either._

* * *

Genma never spent a yen that he simply did not have to spend. He had planned their trip to China very carefully. Well, not so carefully as it turned out. He had hired on as a part time deck hand aboard a creaky old ferry that ran between Shimonoseki and Pusan. That lasted until the rest of the crew discovered that Genma was not part of the maritime union. He was forced to quit that job, but he thought that he had learned enough to stowaway on one of the older ferries. That turned out be another error. He and Ranma were forced to jump over the side, or be caught and forced to pay their fares and then jailed once they arrived in Korea.

Looking back on it caused Ranma to shake his head with disgust. _Beating the local government out of its cut was bad_ _enough, but why did Shit-daddy have rip off the owners of that ancient old ferryboat? After all, it wasn't as though those people were swimmin' in oil. They needed every penny they could lay hands on just to keep their rotten old ferry in operation._ Ranma had good reason to think of Genma as "Shit-daddy."

The two of them jumped over the side with stolen life jackets,then proceeded to paddle all the way to Pusan harbor. They had been caught before two hours of the nine hour trip had gone by. This forced them to swim through some 150 miles (240 kilometers) of the busiest shipping lanes in the world for three days and nights. They deliberately avoided being seen and picked up, because their life vests had the name of the ferry they had been aboard stenciled on them in Japanese, Hangul and English. There was no way that they could be rescued and not be arrested for attempting to stowaway.

Hopping ferries turned out to be nothing like hopping trains. They had hopped fast freights all the time when they traveled around Japan. The worst problem they had when hopping trains were with the tiny few overly alert and incorruptible guards they had encountered. Most of the guards though, were willing to accept bribes but , hopping on a ferry without buying a ticket first turned into a long, long swim in rough cold salt water.

* * *

Ranma felt like a pickle by the time they reached the Korean shore. Genma _was_ pickled. Shit-daddy had wrinkled up like a pickled persimmon and was twice as sour. Genma later insisted that Ranma claim that they had swam all the way to China from Japan, but it was an exaggeration of what they had actually done. All they had really done was to swim from a few miles offshore of Shimonoseki to Pusan. Probably something well under 240 kilometers - no big deal, save what the salty water does to your skin.

Once they were in Pusan,they camped out in a park situated in a rough part of town for a few days of rest. Their so-called rest in Pusan had not been particularly restful. Many lower class Koreans still remembered the Japanese colonization of Korea, and Ranma was forced to learn Tai Kwan Do in the roughest manner possible - and in a great hurry.

After a week or so of such "rest," they bought tickets to ride a ferry to the Chinese city of Tsingtao. They rode in the relative comfort of second class, which was a large room with forty or so futons stowed in small open-faced cabinets. Passengers rolled the futons out whenever they were ready to sleep. The ship stank of stale urine everywhere but in the bathroom. The bathroom smelled like fresh flowers and was kept sparkling clean. That was something that Ranma would never forget. _Why have a head if you were never going to use it?_ He still wondered _._

Ranma got into a couple of fights with a Korean passenger while underway for Tsingtao. He managed to learn a few more nasty moves from that ill-tempered Korean. He never got to fight with a Chinaman until after they reached Tsingtao, and that was just some poor slob bent on robbing them. Ranma had made very short work of him, even though he had come at them with a knife. Genma had stood silently by and watched without lifting a single finger.

Once Ranma had knocked the would-be thief out, Genma robbed the man of what he had, and it was a surprisingly large sum of Chinese currency. That was another invaluable lesson Ranma learned. _If you want to rob someone, rob an armed robber. A good mugger is worth at least ten honest men on average._

Once ashore in Tsingtao, they went in search of the characters made famous by the _Water Margin_ stories about the 108 outlaw martial artists using a great swamp as their hideout. Ranma had heard those stories all his young life. Genma was determined to show him that there was some actual history behind them, and there was, just not history that could be easily accessed by two working class Japs blundering around in a nation whose population had been taught to hate the Japanese.

Every time they sought after a master of the Art in China, they were invariably referred to a Shaolin monastery. They did finally find some real masters of the Art who were not attached to a monastery, but they were few and far between. Even the great swamp that the hundred-and-eight bandits had hid in were gone. The Yellow river had changed its course twice during the nineteenth century, reducing the once vast swamp to a single small lake, now choked with reeds. Shandong had changed beyond all possible recognition judging how it was described in the old stories about the hundred and eight outlaw martial artists.

Making the best of the situation they found themselves in, they kept working their way westward until they ended up in Qinghai province and Jusenkyou. Ranma shuddered. His ten year long yamagomori had not gone all that well at its end. They were now paying dearly for Shit-daddy's ambitions.

 _I wonder if Shit-daddy really has ambitions,_ Ranma thought, _beyond avoiding regular work, that is. Even stealing seems to be too much of a burden on 'im. Now he's holdin' down a part time job? What's next? An asteroid strike? For a man who has only victims, and no friends, Shit-daddy is actin' very, very strange. What's the deal between him and this Tendo guy anyway?_

Tofu's cheerful laugh brought Ranma back to the present.

* * *

"What? Genma is Ranma's father?" Tofu asked in a surprised voice. "I don't see any resemblance between them!"

Ranma winced. He had often wondered about that himself. _Maybe Shit-daddy ain't my real dad after all. Maybe I should just ignore him and go away. That'd be way easier than dealin' with scam he's tryin' ta pull on the Tendo bunch._

Akane had whispered something else to Tofu-sensei, but Ranma did not hear it either.

"Ranma's face is injured?" Tofu asked.

"It happened during hotai," Ranma said. [Ranma used a Japanese slang term for PE.]

Tofu looked at Ranma's face and said, "I have some very effective medicinal lacquer for this. I'll give it to you for free. Just wait here, please."

While Tofu was rummaging through his dispensary in search of the medicinal lacquer for Ranma, the telephone began ringing.

"I'm sorry, Mister Saotome? Could you answer the phone, please?" Tofu called out.

Genma-no-Panda glared at the telephone as though it had offended him, then he picked it up and growled into it. Then he produced a sign which read: DAMMIT! PANDAS CAN'T TALK!

This irritated Ranma who exclaimed, "It was stupid to start tryin' then."

Akane took the handset away from Genma-no-Panda and said, "Moshi-moshi," which is how Japanese say hello over the phone lines. "Oh, okay. I'll see you later then."

Akane hung up the phone and headed for the door saying, "It's time for me to return home."

"We're supposed ta be waitin, remember?" Ranma asked.

Akane ignored him and walked towards the front of the clinic. He got up and followed her into the small lobby.

"It's not like I want to..." Akane started to say, but Ranma cut her off.

"So you're just going to slip out?" He asked. "I thought you liked Tofu-sensei..."

Akane cut him off by whirling and placing her hand over Ranma's mouth. She shoved him back until he hit the wall."

"Just shut up," Akane said. "Tofu-sensei already has a girl he likes. That was her on the phone just now. She's on her way here."

Ranma only grunted at Akane as she let her hand drop. The voice of an ancient old woman called into the lobby from outside.

"Excuse me, please."

Ranma pretended to be shocked as the frail crone struggled through the front door on her walking stick. He gritted his teeth and clenched his hand into a tight fist that made his knuckles creak audibly.

"That...that..person...Sensei...is such a _conservative_ guy!" Ranma exclaimed.

[Cultural note: The tankoban uses the adjective "shibui" where I used the English word "conservative." _Shibui_ has a very long list of English words that it can mean, depending on the context in which it is used, but all of them have something to with being "straight laced" or "severe," or some other such descriptive. I chose the best single English word I could think of.]

Akane gave the elderly woman a hard stare, then glared at Ranma and shouted, "Mistake!"

* * *

Across Nerima, walking through the market was the ever lovely and oh-so-lovely Kasumi Tendo. Everyone there knew who she was and all of them had a soft spot for her. They all knew that her mother died young in prison, and had watched as Kasumi had taken over the chores her mother never liked. They all liked and admired her for her inner strength and outer gentleness.

Where are you going this after noon, Kasumi-chan?" a vegetable dealer asked.

"To the bone-setter's clinic, Mister Vegetable-seller," Kasumi answered with a smile. "I'm in a hurry."

 _I wish Tofu-sensei would be nicer to me_ , Kasumi thought, _but he's such a cutup that I don't like being around him any more than is necessary._


	9. Volume 2 Part 1:Smiling Makes You Cute

**Smiling Makes You Cute - You Know**

Ranma had a puzzled look on his face as he stood in the lobby of the Ono Bone-setting Clinic. He had good reason to be puzzled.

What's the big deal about Kasumi-chan comin' here? He thought.

"Kasumi?" Ranma asked in a puzzled voice.

Akane looked so embarrassed that she stared at the floor for at least a minute before answering Ranma's puzzled question. Ranma began to wonder if she would answer at all.

"Tofu-sensei is in love with my sister Kasumi," Akane said. "His entire character changes whenever he lays eyes on her, you know?"

About that time, Doctor Ono stuck his head out into the lobby from the hallway and asked, "What are you two doing?"

Ranma snapped his head around and stared at Ono-sensei for a moment, then he looked back at a shame-faced Akane, then he looked back at Ono-sensei. He was completely at sea, not knowing how to respond.

"Er - ah - Nothin' really," Ranma said, taking one more look at the now beet red face of Akane.

About that time, Genma-no-Panda inflated a paper bag blowing into it through the crinkled neck he had made. Once it was fully inflated, he popped it by choking it's neck and slamming its bottom into his other paw. It made a sharp report that sounded very much like a loud: "Pan!" And then the room echoed: "Da!"

Then, Genma-no-Panda held up a hand written sign which read: I'M A PANDA. DON'T YOU GET IT?

Ranma, who was far less than impressed with his father's improvised joke spoke up, gave his panda-form father a dry-eyed stare and said, "That was a limp little gag, you know."

After an embarrassing moment of silence, they all returned to the examination room wherein Ranma sat down on the stool with Tofu Ono looming over him.

"Now then, let's have a look at your wound."

Unable to contain herself, Akane burst out with a short speech. "I didn't quite finish paying him back..."

Ono-sensei adjusted his glasses as he studied Ranma's right cheek.

"Well," Ono paused to get a better look at Ranma's purple and red mangled cheek, "this looks like the track of a ball," he said with a dramatic pause, "and I'm guessing that Akane-chan was at bat."

Ranma then realized that Tofu was trying to take the mickey out of Akane again, so he went along with the gag.

"Oh, really?" Ranma said sounding as though he were amazed.

"The stitching left very deep tracks at a very peculiar angle, that's the point," Tofu said in voice that sounded as though he were lecturing a large class.

Ranma pretended to be deeply impressed and said, "You mean her ferociousness even oozes out into her batting?"

"What are you saying?" Akane shouted.

Ranma turned his face toward Akane and gave her his most annoying stare while sticking out his tongue for good measure.

"It wasn't my fault that you were daydreaming!" Akane shouted. "You could have dodged that ball."

"You mean it really was you that hit the ball?" Ono-sensei asked in a surprised voice. "I was just pulling your leg."

"Dumbass!" Ranma added.

Akane was now as red as she could get. She hissed. "I don't believe this..."

"Don't worry about it!" Tofu's voice now carried more than a little desperation in it. "It just shows how vigorous you are."

"So you say," Akane whispered.

"It just proves that you're healthy," Tofu said. He was now clearly hoping to cheer Akane up, but Ranma shared neither his attitude nor his merciful approach.

"Sexy, you are not," Ranma said in a fervent voice.

"You are so irritating that it isn't funny!" Akane shouted in Ranma's face. Her voice was loud enough to rattle the windows.

"Look at me and don't move," Tofu said to Ranma as he turned Ranma's head to one side. "I'm going to paint this medicine on your face."

"Excuse me, please!" Kasumi Tendo's voice drifted in from the lobby.

Ranma watched with puzzlement as Akane's eyes widened into a horrified stare; she shivered, as though Kasumi had brought the whole of winter into the clinic with her as she entered the lobby.

"Big sister?" Akane's voice quailed.

Ranma was then horrified as changes overwhelmed Tofu Ono. The wretched bone-setter behaved as though a 100,000 volts of electricity hit him in his ass. Tofu's glasses glazed over with mist as he reached for Ranma's head with both hands.

 _Oh, shit! He's makin' like Doc Akahige!_ Ranma thought as the erstwhile mild-mannered bone-setter seized Ranma's head between his surprisingly powerful hands.

Ranma felt more than heard a sequence of crunching pops as his neck was twisted. Once Ono-sensei finally released Ranma's head, Ranma was unable to move it. His left cheek was pressed down on his left shoulder in a way so painful that Ranma dazed off into semi-consciousness. Tears filled his eyes, blurring his vision.

 _This hurts like a motherfucker!_ Ranma thought. _He very nearly broke my goddamned neck! I can't even move my head now._

[Cultural note: If you have not seen the movie "Redbeard" or "Akahige," starring Toshiro Mifune, you should rent it. In that movie at least, Mifune puts Jackie Chan to shame when it comes down to humorous mayhem.]

* * *

Kasumi was one of those people who completely filled a space with her presence without conscious effort. She took over from everyone present simply by being there. She heard a terrible crunching noise, followed by a pained grunt that unmistakably belonged to Ranma Saotome.

 _Oh, I do so wish that Ono-san would not go into hysterics when I walk in here,_ Kasumi thought. _He turns into a brainless monster every time he lays eyes on me. It's a real shame that a strong handsome man like him goes all to pieces whenever I walk into his office. He's good looking, even with his glasses on, but he is as useless as tits on bull when he's around me. I don't know what it is about me that sets him off so, but there is no use even thinking about a relationship with such a hysterical boob, no matter how well-educated and handsome he might be._

Kasumi heaved a quiet little sigh and rolled her eyes a teeny-tiny bit. She might have made her feeling more obvious, the way other girls her age often did, but she was reserved out of long practice. This reserve was a habit Kasumi had picked up from an elderly lady who had taken Kasumi under her wing after the Tendo matriarch had received her jail sentence.

The old woman taught Kasumi the way of the warrior who wins without fighting. The process of learning this little practiced skill took Kasumi several very trying months, but the effort turned out to worth the struggle. In the end, Kasumi learned how to dominate people by being kindly and polite.

Kasumi, when she had to be stern, could be the most intimidating of people. Everyone respected her, while even more were fearful of her. They assumed that her father, Soun Tendo, was at least twice as fierce as his reputation suggested simply because his eldest daughter looked and behaved as though she were both a saint and a princess. She was in her politely stern mode as she addressed Tofu Ono.

"That horrifying noise I just heard..."

Her act, unfortunately, knocked the bone-setter even more brainless than Kasumi's mere presence had.

"Yah, Kasumi-san," Ono-sensei said, holding up his hand. Out of the corner of her eye, Kasumi caught a wide-eyed Akane staring at a horribly twisted Ranma. Kasumi turned to her left so that she was face-on with her house guest. Unable to look him in both eyes, she rolled her head to the right until the right side of her face was rubbing against her right shoulder.

"Ranma, are you all right?" Kasumi asked. She pitched her voice so that it sounded sweetly concerned.

 _I certainly hope Ono-sensei notices that I am talking to Ranma and at least tries to correct his terrible mistake,_ Kasumi thought. _Ranma looks perfectly awful._

Genma-no-Panda walked up and stared down at his son from Ranma's left. Ono-sensei approached him from the right. Tofu reached out and grabbed Genma-no-Panda by the nose and said, "No, recently he's been a regular customer, isn't that right, Ranma-kun?"

Genma-no-Panda held up a sign which read: I'M GENMA SAOTOME, YOU KNOW.

"Sensei!" Ranma cried out in a voice that begged for mercy.

Kasumi took all of this in with sad amusement, but deep down she was well and truly distressed. _No wonder people avoid this clinic when I come here. I hope Tofu's madness doesn't last too long this time. Oh, well, I should get done what I need to do and get out of here as quickly as possible. Half the neighborhood comes here for treatment. The longer I stay, the worse his illness becomes and the longer they will have to do without his treatment._

"Er you..." Tofu started to ask, but Kasumi answered his question before he could finish.

"I borrowed this book and kept it too long, so I have made these for you to eat," Kasumi said as handed the book to Tofu and began unwrapping a plate of cookies. "I hope you like them."

Tofu Ono's glasses fogged up as though he had exited an air conditioned room on a humid summer day. Kasumi did her best not to grit her teeth as she smiled at the now mindless _and_ sightless bone-setter.

 _Damn Akane's stubborn streak! If only she had agreed to bring the book back, we would have all been spared this misery. Tofu would not be mindless, the elderly and the injured lined up outside could safely get treatment from him, and Ranma's neck would not be twisted out of shape,_ Kasumi thought. _Why, oh why wouldn't she agree to drop this stinking book off? It would have taken far less of my time along with everyone else's. Now we and the rest of the entire neighborhood are trapped in this stupid situation._

Tofu seized the washcloth Kasumi had used to wrap the plate and wrapped it around his lower face so that he looked like a bandit from the old west in America.

"This mask covers my mouth perfectly!" Tofu exclaimed. The heavy dish towel muffled his voice.

Kasumi started fighting down the urge to stamp her right foot with frustration. She just barely managed it after a ferocious but completely silent struggle. Not so much as a ripple of her frustration and anger played across Kasumi's serene visage. Outwardly, she looked like a cool mountain lake on a windless day.

"That is not what I brought that here for," Kasumi said, carefully keeping her voice under control.

 _I hope no one can notice that I am so angry,_ Kasumi thought. _Dealing with a boob like this flighty fellow is an_ _incredible strain._

Tofu pulled down his makeshift mask to clear his mouth, then proceeded to bite the plate.

"This tastes very good!" Ono-sensei exclaimed.

Kasumi forced herself not to not scream in frustration at the fool's odd behavior, and remain polite. "That is the honorable plate, if you will, Sensei."

"Sensei!" Ranma rasped out. His voice was now desperate.

 _Ranma's in horrible pain,_ Kasumi thought as she maintained her frozen smile. _I would say something, but it really isn't my place, and it would only make this oddball bone-setter worse._

"Sensei!" Ranma finally cried out. His voice was laced with agony.

Kasumi watched as Tofu Ono stared at Ranma in utter shock, as though he had not even known that Ranma had been there at all, and was seeing the child for the first time that afternoon.

"What's wrong with you, Ranma?" Tofu asked.

"My neck is hurt!" Ranma shouted.

"Another wound already?" Tofu's voice held genuine surprise.

 _I walk in and it is as though Ono-san's head got cut off by a sword,_ Kasumi thought. _He looks as though he has forgotten who he is or that he even has a medical practice._

"Oh, well, gee!" Ranma said in a sarcastic voice.

"I see!" Tofu exclaimed as he grabbed Ranma's head with both hands. "I'll fix that in a jiffy."

Kasumi watched Ono-sensei give Ranma's head a jerk and a quick twist. Ranma's neck gave out a long drawn out series of crunching pops that horrified everyone within earshot. When Tofu released Ranma's head, it was lying against Ranma's right shoulder instead of his left shoulder.

Oblivious to what he had just done to Ranma, Tofu turned to his skeleton and said, "Excuse me, Saotome-san, but could you bring Kasumi-san some tea?"

Genma-no-Panda looked ready to bite as he held up a sign reading: I AM OVER HERE!

"Sensei!" Ranma whimpered.

Kasumi finally had to say something, so she leaned over and whispered to Akane, "The trustworthy Tofu-sensei is in very interesting form today, isn't he?"

Akane's face showed frustration as well. "He only does this when he sees you, Elder-sister."

Kasumi pretended to be both startled and amused. "Is that so?"

Akane got up and started walking toward the front door. "Well, it's time for me to return home."

 _Oh, no!_ Kasumi thought. _You can't leave me here with this mindless monster. Not now! You are the cause of this mess, you little brat._

"Akane?" Kasumi asked after younger sister in a desperate voice as Akane walked out with a determined gate. _Don't leave me here alone with this dangerous fool!_ Kasumi wanted to shout, but kept that urge between her ears.

"I wonder what's wrong with her," Kasumi whispered. "We could have returned home together."

Kasumi then heard Tofu-sensei ask Genma-no-Panda what he could do for him, as though he was meeting a new patient for the first time. Kasumi turned around just in time to see Genma-no-Panda produce yet another sign which read: I AM YOUR PART TIME HELP! I AM SAOTOME-SAN, REMEMBER?

Kasumi was disgusted by Tofu-sensei's response.

"Thank you very kindly. How long have you been a panda?"

Genma-no-Panda held up a sign which read: SINCE SUMMER!

* * *

Outside the clinic, a line of people had formed. One man who was running a little late crowded his way up to the front door. A middle aged man alongside an elderly man were already standing at the door.

"Why is everyone standing around out here?" the newcomer asked.

The middle-aged man turned his head toward the newcomer and said, "We're all waiting for Kasumi-chan to come out."

The elderly man made a painful face as though he were recalling an exceedingly painful memory and said, "Getting a treatment now is impossible."

The newcomer growled deep in his throat. "Yeah, well right now he's so out-of-control that'd it be worth your life to step into his lobby."

"Tofu-sensei is ordinarily an excellent doctor..." the middle-aged man started to say but his voice trailed off and he did not finish his sentence. Everyone within earshot understood him though. They all knew that Tofu's mind shorted out whenever Kasumi Tendo came around. None of them were eager to share Ranma Saotome's fate.

* * *

Ranma painfully made his way back to Tendo-ke alone, happy to just get away from the discombobulated bone-setter without suffering further harm. Once Akane had gone, he waited until he was sure he would not be noticed and literally ran outside. He just had to get away from the awful mix of Genma-no-Panda, Kasumi-san and the berserk bone-setter. He felt as though he had just broken free of something terrible and could breath normally again. The only problem remaining was his twisted and locked neck. He still could not get his right ear away from his right shoulder.

Upon arriving at Tendo-ke, he found Nabiki standing in the tatami room, nibbling at the contents of a bag of dried fish chips called "Sakana." They were high in both protein and minerals, but they had a lot of salt as well. Ranma loved the taste of them, but he would get indigestion from them if he ate more than a small handful. Nabiki munched them by the sackful. He asked her where Akane was.

"She went out to the dojo," Nabiki said as she tilted her head to her left until her left ear was in full contact with her left shoulder

"Doesn't your neck hurt?"

"Yeah, Tofu twisted it on accident," Ranma said.

Nabiki rolled her eyes, which looked rather strange given the attitude of her head. "Oh, you poor thing! You were there when Kasumi showed up?"

"Yeah. Why didn't somebody warn me about him?" Ranma asked. "He went absolutely nuts when he saw her."

Nabiki heaved a great sigh. "His behavior embarrasses Kasumi-One-chan."

Ranma rolled his eyes toward his scalp, which mean that he was looking to his right instead of upwards at heaven.

"I get it," Ranma said. "Gotta think twice before we piss off the cook, right?"

Nabiki, whose head was still resting against her shoulder, gave him a rather bleak stare.

Ranma winced visibly, which made his neck hurt even worse. "See-ya, Nabiki! "I'm gonna go talk to Akane now."

* * *

Ranma ran back outside through the sliding doors of the engawa and sneaked around the walls of the dojou. He stopped at the corner and listened to the meaty thuds of fists striking something solid, followed by the unmistakable sound of crumbling concrete blocks - not the lighter hadite blocks - _real_ concrete blocks. Concrete blocks were much heavier and stronger than the blocks cast of hadite.

He peaked around the corner and saw Akane wearing her old and vaguely yellow, dirt-stained dougi. Her shoulders quivered as she tried to contain her inner pain. Ranma had felt the hardness of her fists, and knew full well that the concrete blocks - formidable objects to most martial artists - had not hurt Akane's hands the least bit.

 _She's crying from inner pain,_ Ranma thought. _Time to cheer her up. I'll take the mickey out of her-that ought to give her some relief._

Akane, having polished off the last of the concrete blocks, was now facing the outer wall of the compound. She placed one hand against it. Sweat was dripping off the tip of her nose while a fine sheen of it the coated the rest of her face.

"Wow!" Akane exclaimed as she stared at the ground under her bare feet. "Letting my feelings go like that feels really good."

With a finger of each hand stretching his mouth out of shape, Ranma stuck his head under her arm so that she was looking down at his now ugly face. He stuck his tongue out at her and gave her a rather fruity Bronx cheer.

"What," Akane shouted as she slammed the heel of her right palm into Ranma's exposed jawline, "is that for? You dumbass!"

Ranma's head bounced off the hard turf of the Tendo yard. He felt something in his neck pop, but he held the extremely awkward pose Akane's expected violence had put him in, just to show off. His head was on the grass, but the rest of his body was on held up by his feet and legs, even though he had to twist a half turn to stay off the ground.

"You feelin' better, now?"

"By no means will I ever ask you to cheer me up," Akane said with a pronounced sniff, "so don't bother trying."

Ranma sprang upright from his impossibly tortuous position.

"Never, say never," Ranma said with a cocky grin on his face. He rocked his head the right and his neck made a series of loud popping noises.

"Oh!" He exclaimed and then rocked his head to his left and felt as well hearing another series noisy pops. "Oh! My neck is healed."

Akane stood stock still watching Ranma work his neck. She had a strange look on her face. Ranma watched her face; it told him that she had made up her mind about something.

"Well then, would you give me a moment or two?" Akane asked. She turned and pointed at the dojo.

Ranma rubbed at his neck, The ache was all but gone and the pain in his head was now fading rapidly. He grunted his agreement to Akane's request.

* * *

Once inside the dojo, Ranma found that Akane still fought by running through all the moves she learned doing kata. He had long ago memorized all twelve of the same kata, and many more besides from the differing schools Genma had enrolled him in, but Akane was stuck using the large, but finite number of moves she had learned while learning the Twelve Kata of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts.

He flowed around Akane's punches and kicks as though he were made of water. He grinned as Akane began to get flustered.

"Oh, come on and throw a punch!" Akane shouted. Ranma blocked her punch off as he stepped calmly to one side. Akane's punch was powerful enough to dent the armor on a battleship, but Ranma remained unscathed because he always maintained his presence of mind. He recognized what Akane was about to do well before she did it, and was able to gently push her wicked punch harmlessly to one side.

"But..."

"Seriously!" Akane exclaimed, interrupting Ranma. Her frustration come through every syllable she spoke. Ranma casually jumped high enough to easily avoid the kick Akane targeted his face with. "How can I become victorious over my stress if you won't hit back?"

Ranma answered in mid-air. His voice was as gentle as he could muster. "You are constantly angry."

The words were no sooner out of his mouth when Ranma found it necessary to dodge a flurry of kicks from Akane. The kicks were crisp and precise; Akane had practice so often in her gi that it was stained yellow from her sweat, and the cuffs of its sleeves and legs were frayed from all the snapping they had endured.

"Doesn't being angry all the time tire you out?"

Akane suddenly started throwing a series of short, but powerful punches at Ranma. They were the series in the Third of the Twelve kata they had both learned in early childhood.

 _I wonder when she's gonna catch on?_ Ranma wondered as he dodged the punches by backing up in time with Akane's short but rapid lunges."

"Your help with that is unnecessary!" Akane shouted as she threw a hard overhand left at Ranma.

Ranma spun backward on his left heel to dodge the punch.

"But smiling makes you cute, you know?" he asked in a sincere voice.

This brought Akane up so short that she forgot that she was in a sparring match with Ranma. He grinned evilly and poked her forehead with a fingertip.

"Gotcha!"

Akane fell hard on the wooden floor so hard that both her buttocks stung and her eyes watered. She stared up at Ranma with a wide eyed stare. A mix of surprise, awe and hurt lit her face. Ranma turned his gaze toward the ceiling.

 _I wonder if she's gettin' it yet? Probably not She's had so much luck demolishin'all those hentai at school that she can't see what she's doin' wrong. She just thinks that I am untouchable, which is only mostly true._

Akane sat up, gathering her feet and legs beneath her.

"That was so cunning that it was dirty!" Akane shouted. "It didn't count! I want a do over."

Ranma continued staring at the ceiling.

 _I wonder if I shouldn't remind her about what our schools are named? Naw, hell! That'd only embarrass the shit outta her. She really does need to teach it to herself. All of the things I learned about the art were the ones I figured out pretty much on my own after getting' my ass kicked. I ain't really hurt her. She'll get over it._

* * *

There is more than one kind of pain. There is the pain that comes from physical damage to one's body. The difficulty of dealing with physical harm varies with the amount of damage done to one's person. Most of the time Akane had not trouble dealing with physical pain. Despite her father's and Ranma's nervousness, she was as tough as an anvil.

Far more difficult was the damage done to her ego, which was only tolerable if it happened in private. Ranma, having grown with Genma's idea of tender mercy, was long accustomed to being humiliated in public _and_ private, but for Akane, it was an entirely new experience to be deliberately humiliated during the course of martial arts instruction.

Soun had always been careful not to bruise her ego. Ranma had demonstrated a complete lack of any similar compunctions. To a real Japanese, such behavior was entirely unthinkable. The Saotome, strained the definition of what it meant to be Japanese. His behavior made Akane grit her teeth so much and so often that she would develop headaches from it. Today had been an especially difficult day for her. Ranma had given her ego a very thorough drubbing.

Akane's head and neck hurt so badly that she crawled back into the furo for an extra hot soak after the evening meal. She stayed there until the sun sank below the horizon and the street lights self-ignited, casting their harsh blue light on the streets.

[Takahashi-sensei wrote the Ranma ½ series during the era of mercury vapor lighting. Mercury vapor bulbs emit a hard blue light rather than the sickly-yellow light of the modern sodium vapor bulbs.]

The day had been a long and frustrating one for Akane. First, she had refused to return the book Kasumi had borrowed from Tofu not out of obstinacy, but to give her elder sister a shot at the bone-setter. She had latched onto Ranma's queue and literally drug him into the school yard only to find the Horde o'Hentai waiting on her arrival. Then there was that rigmarole with Kuno. _Yecch!_

Struggling to think of something pleasant while the hot waters of the furo soaked all the tension out of her neck and head, Akane tried to think of more pleasant things - Tofu Ono. She stared into nothingness, seeing Tofu's handsome face and his faintly amused eyes looking back at her...

 _He's so much in love with Kasumi that he falls to pieces at the mere mention of her,_ Akane thought. _I'm in love with him, but he's in love with Kasumi, so I must let him have a shot at her or she'll be in our way after we get married. Better he should get to know her better and let him decide who he really wants. I'm sure he thinks that I am way too young for him, but I'm really in love with him. He's so handsome and his hands are so gentle. Kasumi just doesn't understand what's going on with him._

Akane's hand crept down into the pubic hair on her mons, but as soon as she realized what she was doing, she jerked her hand away.

 _It's barbaric to do that in the furo,_ she reminded herself. W _ater is too costly to dump just because of my fantasies._ She tried to think about something other than what she wanted to do with Tofu, and her mind came around to Ranma - she gritted her teeth again.

 _That guy is such an ass!_ Akane thought. _He's completely insufferable. I guess if Dad was like Genma I'd have a few mental problems of my own, but that jerk is simply out of bounds no matter how you think about him. He is so egotistical that I can't stand to look at him, let alone think about marrying him for his dick. Besides, who would want to have to put up with Genma for a father-in-law? Not me, that's for sure. He is so slovenly and unkempt that I feel like I need to take a bath every time I even glance at him._

 _But he's so good at the art! Oh, goddammit! Why did I think of that? He is good, and I learn something from him every time we spar together, I just wish the asshole would quit showing off and try to hit me once in a while is all. I hate it when he dances around dodging my punches and kicks like that. It's almost as though he knows everything I'm going to do before I do it. How does he do that? No other guy I ever fought sees it coming. Why does he?_

"He's a frikkin' show off is all," Akane whispered to the empty furoba and put her head back and closed her eyes. Before she knew it, the water in the furo went cold and her skin wrinkled. All of the crepuscular creatures had long since fallen silent, and the nocturnal creatures were singing, chirruping and hooting as Akane dried herself off. She pulled on her heavy flannel pajamas over her bare skin.

* * *

Tendo-ke, like most other Japanese homes had no central heating. Most Japanese could not afford to operate a central heating system. They instead relied on clothing, bed clothing and a thing they called the kotatsu. A kotatsu is a heater, usually electric, that is mounted on the underside of their low dining tables. In the cold months, they install a heavy quilt around the dining table. While sitting at the dining table, you keep your feet and unused hand under the table.

It takes most westerners a long time to learn how to cope with this method of staying warm, but they soon learn that it works. This was still in the middle of the fall, so it was not cold enough to run the kotatsu, but it was cold enough for heavy flannel pajamas. Akane slid her feet into her soft fluffy house slippers and stumped up the stairs. She was very tired, and the sounds she made as she climbed the stairs reflected her still sour mood. Ranma heard her as she stump, stump, stumped up to the second floor and opened the door tor her room.

He did his best to suppress a gleeful titter as he rubbed his hands together. _Time to take the mickey out of the mark again,_ he thought with more than a little glee. _What I have in mind oughtta keep her awake for half the night._

* * *

Akane's bed creaked as she tiredly sat on its edge. She finished drying her hair with the towel she brought with her. After it was dry, she heaved a sigh and fell back onto the bed. She was exhausted physically and emotionally at one and the same time. Just as sleep started to creep in around her eyes, Ranma's words came back to her. She could literally hear what he had said.

" _Smiling makes you cute, you know._ "

Akane blew out her breath and sat up. She got up and went after her hand mirror.

"Wonder if that's true," she muttered as she peered into the mirror. She smiled at her reflection and it smiled back at her. Just as she was beginning to feel good about herself, the window slid open. She looked up to see Ranma sitting on the window sill with the cold air pouring past him into her room. Then, as was usually the case with Ranma, he said something truly outrageous.

"What are you doing to yourself? Playin' with your own pussy? That feels so good!"

[Takahashi had Ranma ask Akane if she had been masturbating using a Japanese slang word for that act. The slang term is different for masturbation by girls than what it is for boys.]

This so infuriated Akane that she slapped the bare side of Ranma's face. She struck so hard and fast that he did not have time to do his usual dancing blob of water routine. The palm of her hand stung as Ranma fell into the yard. He did not even whimper. That made Akane nervous for a minute, but when she thought about why she slapped him, she decided that she did not care if the lout died. She closed the window, turned off the light and went to bed.

[Cultural note: The sound effect used to denote the sound Akane's slap made is "bachi," a Japanese word that means, "divine retribution."]

* * *

After Ranma was able to regain his senses, he discovered that the left side of his face was now stuck to his left shoulder, just as the nutty bone-setter had twisted it when Kasumi walked into his lobby. Unable to do anything about it on his own, he stumbled up the stairs to the guest room. He picked up a manga and started reading it, hoping the pain would lessen if he forced his attention onto something other than his twisted neck.

Genma, who had been sewing a patch onto his spare dougi looked over at Ranma. The surprise Genma felt showed in his face as he said, "I thought your neck had gotten better."

"It did, Pop," Ranma answered without looking away from his manga. "It did."


	10. Volume 2 Part 2: The Random Return Man

**Ranma and the Random Return Man.**  
 _Possible alternative title:_  
 **Ranma and the Returning Huntsman.**

* * *

(The second translation is far less likely to be accurate, even though Viz used " _The Hunter_ " for the title in the English language comic for this part. The way it is written in Japanese clearly means the first title, but Viz chose part of the alternative reading for the English language comic book. Viz video titled its version of this episode something like _"_ _Ranma Saotome and the Eternally Lost Boy."_ )

* * *

The quiet was shattered in a remote mountain village on the island of Shikoku in southern Japan; a huge boar had run amok, tearing up buildings and storehouses, eating everything in sight. The town's watchman sounded an alarm from his tower.

"Wild boar here! Huge wild boar running amok!" The watchman shouted.

The boar crashed through a building frightening the occupants half out of their minds.

"Oh, my God!" One woman cried out in English as the boar thundered past, dragging bits of the outer wall with it.

"No!" An elderly man screamed in English as he dove to the floor to escape the charging animal.

The boar burst out of the end of the collapsing building and thundered down the town's main street at a full run. A man screamed with fear as he climbed the retaining wall on the high side of Main, while a blonde headed housewife screamed, "Help! Help me!"

[There are accounts of rural Japanese screaming with alarm upon seeing a westerner, so it must be assumed that this is one of Takahashi's jokes about how cosmopolitan Japan is becoming. Most of the young Japanese are moving into the big cities, while westerners are moving into the rural areas of Japan. Remote Japanese villages do often have watch towers manned by unpaid volunteers. They sound an alarm at any danger, but the one thing they are constantly on the lookout for is fire or a volcanic eruption which can take numerous forms, all of which are dangerous.]

As everyone watched the boar run up the town's main street, the watchman noticed, in the distance up the road, a stranger wearing a yellow shirt and a heavy pack striding out of town, oblivious to what had just happened behind him. The angry boar was headed right for the stranger, clearly having set its sights on an unsuspecting victim whose leg or other appendage it could sink it tushes into.

"Hey, you!" One of the townsmen shouted at the departing stranger's back from the side of the street.

"Danger!" Shouted the man in the watchtower.

"Run, ye danged idjit!" Another townsman shouted at the top of his lungs.

This last shout seemed to have gotten the beefy stranger's attention. He reached up and seized his heavy umbrella made of bamboo and bright red oiled paper, the kind normally used to signify a tea ceremony, and pulled it free from the straps that held on the top of his heavy backpack.

The stranger's eyes glinted with his deeply felt annoyance. _I wonder what this is? The well-muscled stranger thought. Can't they see that I've got things on my mind? I've got to find Saotome and kill him, and here they are bugging me with something I don't wanna bother with._

He turned just in time to see the angry boar charging up the street and out across the edge of the town proper. The boar was slobbering at his mouth with anticipation. He fully intended to sink his tushes into the soft flesh of the walking man, but the man fooled the ravening beast. He stood his ground and used his umbrella to stop the boar cold by thrusting the umbrella into the boar's nose.

"Holy shit!" One of the villagers shouted.

"He stopped that boar with one thrust of his arm!" Another exclaimed.

The boar did his best to push the powerful fellow back so hard that his hooves dug trenches into the hard packed soil of the road, but the man in the yellow hemp shirt simply flicked his wrist, sending the boar sailing off into the upper reaches of the troposphere.

With a grim look of satisfaction on his face, the stranger turned to face the villagers. He shoved his umbrella back into its loops as the boar fell heavily on the ground just behind his heels.

"Aiyaah!" Cried out an elderly man as the boar landed. His jaw was slack with his amazement.

"Hard-stuff!" A middle aged-woman exclaimed.

"That there was some fine soldier-work, there, Bubba," one of the villagers said. He was holding a short handled hoe that is commonly used by farmers in Japan.

The man standing next to him grinned and asked, "Yore in the middle of a yamagomori, aintcha?"

The man dressed in coarse clothing simply gave them a puzzled stare, as though he was trying to understand what they had said to him. After an embarrassingly long silence, he pulled out a sketch and asked, "Where is Furinkan High School?"

This question positively befuddled the villagers.

"Furinkan high school?" An elderly woman wearing a heavy scarf asked.

"Ah, lemme see that there map, young feller," an elderly man in a straw hat said.

A younger man, perhaps in his thirties got a glimpse of the map and exclaimed, "This is a map of Tokyo?"

The elderly man in the straw hat added, "This here is Shikoku!"

[Cultural Note: Shikoku is the smallest of the four main islands of Japan and its name means "Four Provinces." The northern most island in the Japanese archipelago is named Hokkaido, and it is still sparsely settled. Hokkaido is the region where all the cold weather crops are raised. Honshu is the largest of the four main islands of Japan, and Tokyo is situated on a plain about one third of the way down from its northern edge on its east coast. The southernmost island is named Kyushu and is right off the southern tip of Honshu, separated from Honshu by a shallow body of water called the Kanmon Straight.

Shikoku lies parallel to Honshu and is separated from Honshu along its western coast by what is called the Inland Sea, called Seto Naikai in Japanese. Southern Shikoku is very mountainous with a great deal of agriculture being practiced, while northern Shikoku is fairly industrial with the bulk of its population living in cities. We do not know where on Shikoku this is taking place, but it is roughly a four hundred mile trip from the island of Shikoku's northeastern tip at the Naruto Straight, to Tokyo by highway.]

"I see," the young man dressed in coarse clothing exclaimed as he spun on his heel. "Sorry to have bothered you."

As the young man strode off into the distance, a middle-aged man wearing glasses noted that the young man was marching more than walking, and he behaved like a horse with blinders on. He took no notice of what was around him.

"That is one lost child!" The man said with a shake of his head. "So lost."

Off in the distance, the stranger muttered to no one at all saying, "Wash your neck and wait, Ranma Saotome!"

[The verbs used in this dialogue are "arau", which means to wash, to rinse, to investigate, or to probe, and "mate" (pronounced mah-tay), which means to wait. Clearly it is slang of some sort. The Viz translation is: "Ranma Saotome, prepare to meet me."]

"You ran away from a serious man-to-man fight and hid. I shall never forgive you!"

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere between four hundred and five hundred miles way in Nerima-cho, it is pouring down rain on Tendo-ke. Inside the house, at least three pairs of running feet thump on the floor as a game of chase went from mildly amusing to something more than hilarious-assuming you were not Ranma Saotome.

"Waiting time's over, Ranma-kun!" Kasumi shouted. She and Nabiki were chasing a fleeing Onna-Ranma.

"No way!" Onna-Ranma shouted in his screechy female voice. "Absolutely no way!"

Onna-Ranma ran to the end of the hallway and then turned to face the determined Kasumi and Nabiki.

 _Shit! Why are they so touchy about me running around without a shirt or anything on?_ Ranma thought. _It ain't as though any one of the three of 'em are guys or nuthin'!_

"I ain't gonna wear no girl's clothes!" Onna-Ranm shouted. It came out as a girlish squeal. He winced as he listened his own high-pitched voice.

 _I really and truly hate this curse!_ Ranma thought, but did not say.

Kasumi said, "All of your guy type clothing is in the laundry. The least you could is to try something on!"

Onna-Ranma carefully painted boyish stubbornness on his girlish face.

 _Damn, I hate this! It's all Shit-daddy's fault. First for takin' me to Jusenkyou, and then for bringin' me here to be an object of study by these two harridans. I'm damned if I'm gonna feel sorry for any of 'em after we leave._

"Let me draw a bath, for you," Kasumi said in her best coaxing voice.

"You can't just lounge around here naked," Nabiki said. "It's annoying!"

Onna-Ranma kept his rigid mask of stubbornness on his face.

 _Annoyin', huh? I'll just bet it is. I've got a better figure than-well better'n Akane or Nabiki. I ain't no match for Kasumi in that department, but she almost never shows off. She runs around lookin' like a married woman all the time. She's actin' stupid. She should be out showin' off her body and tryin' to catch a husband. A woman only has her looks for just a few years._

Nabiki and Kasumi both pointed at him at the same and chorused, "You are a freeloader, you know."

This broke Onna-Ranma's stubborn resolve. He felt his mask crack and crumble into soft bits as though it were a stale cookie.

 _Fuck! They're right. That's all me an Pop ever are. We freeload or steal from everyone we meet. Shit-daddy gets all uppity and preachy once in while, but he never means it. We've already been here longer than I expected, though. I'm even beginnin' ta pick up some book learnin' at that crazy school we've been goin' to. If we stay here too long I might even learn to be normal - shit - what a thought that is!_

"But..."Onna-Ranma started to say, but did not finish his thought.

 _It's useless. They have me cornered and they want me to be their new dolly so they can experiment with clothes and shit. Hell of it is, I can't hit either one of 'em, and they ain't gonna get outta my way. I may as well cooperate with 'em. I'm gonna draw the line at wearin' a skirt, though. That ain't happenin' no matter how much they want it!_

The two elder Tendo daughters quickly shooed Onna-Ranma up the stairs into Akane's bedroom, whereupon they began digging through Akane's clothing. Onna-Ranma heaved a disgusted sigh,as he sat down on the floor. He sat close enough to Akane's western style bed so that he could lean back against it. Akane, for her part, was dismayed by the actions of her two older sisters.

"Even though he doesn't have clothes to wear," Akane said in an aggrieved voice, "does not explain why you are lending him my clothes! That's just wrong!"

"Okay, now if we can find him some outerwear..." Nabiki said as she dug through Akane's closet.

Onna-Ranma rolled his big blue eyes toward the ceiling and thought, _Dammit! I sure hope she doesn't come outta that closet with a skirt or nuthin'!_

"I ain't gonna wear a skirt!" Onna-Ranma shouted. He winced at the high pitch of his onna-tekki (girl-type) voice. _Why do I sound so screechy when I'm a girl?_

The old house echoed the sounds of gently falling rain as the drops pattered on its roof. Ranma put on the outfit Nabiki dug out of Akane's closet. It was a deep blue pullover with three-quarter sleeves, and a pink overall kind of thing made of heavy denim. The overall had a patch sewn onto its bib that read "China" in large yellow romaji letters. The letter "i" had a prominent heart over it rather than the more usual dot. The overall fitted Onna-Ramma's body poorly.

Onna-Ranma was uncomfortable with Akane's old outfit. Clearly it was far too small for her anymore. The tied cuffs only reached half-way down Onna-Ranma's shins. The damned thing would almost certainly not reach past Akane's knees. He was a half-head shorter than Akane in his cursed form.

The outfit was so ill fitting that it made him feel uncomfortable, even while it felt good to have clothes on. He hated running out of clothing, especially when it was raining and he had no choice but to stay in his cursed form. Being topless and cursed caused him several unwanted fights in China while he and Shit-daddy made their way back to Japan.

 _Oh, well, I may as well turn around and let 'em have a look at me in this outfit. It ain't all that comfortable, but I can live with it, Onna-Ranma thought as he turned to face the girls._

"Oh, it suits you right down to the ground," Nabiki exclaimed.

"It looks a bit close in places," Akane said.

"It ain't exactly a perfect fit," Ranma said as turned to face the wall. "The top is too small. It makes my boobs hurt."

Behind him, Akane's face reddened as her eyes widened. She picked up her bamboo practice sword or shinai. Her grip on its handle was so tight that its sharkskin handle creaked.

Nabiki was suddenly concerned. She bent over and plucked at the waist of the outfit. "How's the waist?"

"Way too big," Onna-Ranma said as he pinched the excess denim on either side of his body and snapped it against his flat belly by jerking outwards. "It's like having a truck tire around your waist."

[Cultural note: The word Onna-Ranma uses for breasts is "chichi" which is often heard in parts of the United States to mean breast. Japanese has no plural forms so he would not have said "chichis" the way a westerner would have. In Japanese, the word "chichi" can also mean father, and this fact is used for a gag later in the series. The exact phrase Ranma used to describe the waist of the overall is "gabagaba," which translates into English as, "way too large." Onna-Ranma says "swimmin' in it" in the video version of the story.]

This pronouncement set the volatile Akane off like a bomb. The shinai hummed through the damp cool air as she swung it Onna-Ranma's head. He ducked the blow, of course, and sprinted out of the room like a scalded dog. Akane ran out of the room so fast that the vacuum she induced hurt Nabiki's ears.

Outside, the soft rainfall was disturbed by Akane's shouted threats.

"Stand still while I kill you, Ranma!"

"Please stop!" Kasumi's voice rose above the soft patter of the rain falling on the roof of Tendo-ke. "We are all ladies!"

Onna-Ranma's screechy voice answered, "I'm a man, dammit!"

* * *

Far to the north, in a dairyman's mountainside pasture, complete with Holstein milk cows, stood the dairyman and a young man dressed in a hemp shirt dyed bright yellow. He has a dark brown canvas pack on his back with a oiled paper and bamboo umbrella strapped to the top of it. He waves a dogeared and bedraggled map at the dairyman.

"Where is Furinkan high school?" The coarsely dressed youth asked the now befuddled dairyman.

"Well, shucks, boy! This here is Hokkaido! You ain't nowhere close to Tokyo!"

* * *

One week later, on a clear day in Nerima-cho, the coarsely dressed young man stood at the gate of Furinkan schoolyard. Were it not for his rather too prominent canine teeth, he might have made the unattached girls swoon, but most of them got one glimpse and decided that he was a weirdo not worth their time - or bodies. School had let out while he stood staring at the building as though it owed him something and had avoided him for entirely too long. The departing students gave him a wide berth as they left saying their goodbyes to one another.

Who's that?" One student playing soccer in the yard with another asked. The coarsely dressed teenager took no notice of the two soccer players. Instead he grabbed a handful of a passing student's shirt as the unfortunate kid blundered to within an arm's reach. His voice growled more than it spoke as the coarsely dressed boy said, "Oy!"

"Wha-what do ya want?" The student asked the wild looking young man.

"Where is Furinkan high school?" The coarsely dressed young man asked. He sounded as though he were ready to kill someone.

The shocked, intimidated and now befuddled student pointed silently at the sign made into the wall right next to the schoolhouse gate. The brutish boy read the sign, turned his head and snarled at the hapless student.

"Where can I find Ranma Saotome?"

The student went from befuddled to being completely at sea. "Saotome? It's possible..."

Across the schoolyard from the coarsely dressed young man and the befuddled student being held captive by the stranger's sheer strength, Ranma was running away from an outraged Akane Tendo, just fast enough to annoy her. It was a common sight by now. He had been there for all of two months at this point, and the students were fast becoming accustomed to the couple-in-denial's rough antics.

"Ranma, wait up!" Akane shouted in a frustrated voice.

 _He always plays the same game with me,_ Akane thought as she ground her teeth together. _He insults me in front of people I don't like to be embarrassed in front of and then he hares off across town-usually through crowds and over roof tops. One of these days I'll wear a pair of bloomers under my dress and shock the living shit out of him by following him._

"Catch me!" Ranma shouted over his shoulder as he happily leaped into the air, sailing effortlessly over the heads of a crowd of students.

"Mo-oh!" Akane shouted in frustration. _He knows I can't follow him when he pulls that trick. Every hornytoad in this madhouse of a school would get in a squirrel shot at me. Some of the faster ones might even get photos of my panties._

[Cultural note: Japanese vowels are often stretched to twice their length and this is usually transliterated with a double vowel, but in the case of "o" it is almost always transliterated as "ou." If it is transliterated with two "o's" then it is usually transliterated with a hyphen, "o-o," and it is pronounced as two syllables rather than one doubled "oh." The Japanese particle "mou" is used for emphasis in several different ways, but Akane here is using it to express extra irritation so she is pronouncing it with the "o-o" form.]

Akane continued to chase the ever elusive Ranma, her eyes locked on his departing back like a targeting radar set. _Just you wait, you arrogant asshole!_ She thought. _You'll get yours soon enough._

Then, out of nowhere, a beefy boy dressed in a yellow hemp shirt and black denim trousers descended from out of the blue. He wore a heavy back pack and had bright red bamboo umbrella of the type normally used to signal the location of a cha-no-yuu (formal tea party). The tightly wound bundle of anger and frustration was descending on her erstwhile fiancé with all the vengeance of hell. The boy was so intent that if focus was fatal, Ranma would have fallen over dead on the spot from it.

"Ranma, prepare to die!" The coarsely clad figure of vengeance shouted at the top of a very manly sounding voice. He aimed the blunt tip of his umbrella at Ranma's head. Ranma, with the grace that can only be learned by a student of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts, managed to tip the umbrella away from its intended target with a slight touch of one hand. He landed on his hands as the descending umbrella with its owner's weight behind it shattered the sidewalk beneath the two of them, creating a surprisingly large crater. Ranma used his shocking agility to somersault and land on his feet in the edge of the newly created crater.

"And you are?" Ranma asked the young man in the bright yellow hemp shirt and tiger striped bandanna.

"Humph! As usual, Ranma. You are very good at running away and pulling cunning tricks to avoid an attack."

Ranma stared hard at the boy as he touched his lips the tip of the index finger of his right hand.

 _It figures!_ Akane thought. _The asshole can't even remember this guy who clearly bears him an awful grudge. I wonder what Ranma did to the poor sod besides the shit he's been pulling on me? Knock him down and piss on the guy's back? Ranma's just dirty enough and mean enough to pull that sort of stunt. He's been doing just about the same thing to me every time I turn around._

"An old acquaintance of yours?" Akane asked, in a voice laden with knowing accusations. She had come to stop beside the now preoccupied Ranma Saotome.

Ranma turned his face up to stare into the sky clearly making an effort to concentrate on what he could remember. Apparently, his attempt to remember the angry teenager standing in front of them failed. Ranma buried his chin in his chest, showing great strain as though he were in pain as he rubbed his forehead with one hand.

Akane sighed with yet more exasperation.

 _He's doing everything he can to remember this guy, but can't,_ she thought.

"Oh...You're that guy...What is your name? I know I know you from somewhere..." Ranma's voice trailed off into a puzzled silence.

"Hurry up and remember the guy," Akane said with a look of growing impatience on her face, "before you puke."

"Explain one thing to me, Ranma," the boy in the yellow hemp shirt said. "How come you didn't show up for our fight?"

A tsunami of memories inundated Ranma's brain and it showed on his face as his memory lit up his eyes like twin lanterns. "Oh-oh! I remember you now!" He said in an excited voice. "You were in my ninth grade class - Hibiki Ryoga! Long time no see."

Ranma's face fell at Ryoga's reaction. The boy's face reddened as he became even angrier.

"Just answer my question!" Ryoga shouted. His face got so red that that Akane saw Ranma was clearly taken aback.

"I waited at the appointed place for three days, man!" Ranma all but shouted.

"Three days?" Akane asked aloud, unable to stop herself. _That's a shocker. I wonder what really happened?_

"Oh, sure and after I struggled my way through nine kinds of hell to get there on the fourth day, you weren't there," Ryoga said. He growled as though merely to emphasize his frustration with the persistently ephemeral Saotome childe.

Akane could easily sympathize with the guy's pain, but four whole days? _What did this_ _fool expect? I'd have waited a couple of hours max._

Ranma was clearly upset by the boy's accusations as well. "Let me ask you a question, Ryoga." Ranma's voice betrayed growing frustration. "The lot where I waited for three days was no more than five-hundred meters behind your house. Why did you take four days to get there? You shouldna kept me waiting for that long!"

"You worthless ass!" Ryoga shouted.

The look on his face frightened Akane. She was afraid that the boy might well explode as though he were a bomb, or something-worse.

"I was suffering all four days that I was trying get there!" Ryoga finished.

His face was now so red that it appeared to Akane that his forehead might well split in the middle, revealing some sort of green-eyed monster beneath his skin. There were three boys gawking at the scene from nearby whose names Akane could not recall standing off to one side, but they were not in a position where they could see Ryoga's face or they would have been horrified into a stifled silence the way Akane had been.

"Do you 'spose he's got a bad sense of direction?" the one on the right asked.

"Yeah, a very bad sense of direction." The middle one affirmed.

"Umph! The very worst sense of direction!" The on the far left exclaimed.

Ryoga brought his umbrella up as though he meant to use it again. Akane could not tell if the powerful boy was about to deploy it or swing it from the way he held it in his right hand.

 _He might be planning to do either, it's impossible to tell_ , she thought.

"I was crushed once I arrived." Ryoga snarled as he launched a reverse strike at the ever nimble Ranma. Ranma leaped straight up into the air to avoid Ryoga's assault.

"You ran off with your father to China of all places!"

Ranma remained completely unruffled by it all. He touched down lightly with both hands behind his back as though Ryoga's long planned assault meant nothing to him. Akane was astonished at Ranma's casual demeanor. It made her blood run cold.

 _He can't be this good, can he? I beat up trained martial artists on a daily basis, and I wouldn't have the slightest chance against this guy. Why is Ranma_ _so calm?_

"So you're here to settle the account," Ranma said in an unnervingly calm voice. "I understand."

Ryoga was even more incensed by Ranma's response. Akane had not that it possible for the boy to become any more angry than he already was, but he managed it. _Ranma seems to bring out the very worst in everyone who knows him,_ she thought.

"Settle the account? That's merely lukewarm!" Ryoga exclaimed as he opened his large red umbrella. "This is revenge!" He shouted loud enough to rattle the windows of the distant school building as he sent the umbrella spinning in Ranma's direction.

Ranma merely dodged to his left a little and it sailed harmlessly by him. It sailed off into the sky, and then, just as a boomerang would have done, it turned and came back, nicking several unwary bystanders as it returned with a loud whirring hum. Ranma casually dodged it a second time, forcing Akane out of harm's way as he did so. Ryoga neatly caught the whirling instrument of death in his right hand. It was almost as though he had called a falcon back to his glove.

Ryoga gave Ranma a glare so cold that it nearly froze the air between them solid as he put his umbrella away. "I am going to do everything possible to destroy your happiness, your good fortune, and negate your blessings!"

[Cultural note: The word that Ryoga used is shiawase pronounced, she-ah-wah-say, and is translated by Viz as "happiness." It actually means a list of things or any one of them. I chose to list all three here.]

Akane watched as Ranma stood aghast at this unusual threat. He muttered it just be sure that he had heard it right before turning to Akane and asking, "Do I have any of that stuff?"

Had anyone told Akane that she would meet someone at least as miserable as Ranma Saotome, she would have laughed in their face, but she had just had a personal encounter with Ryoga Hibiki. He was the walking talking epitome of misery; swollen with anger and aching for revenge so badly that he shook from the top of his head to the soles of his shoes. _What did Ranma do to this poor sod?_

"I don't have any reason to know the answer to that, you know," Akane said in answer to Ranma's question. She did not believe that Ranma had ever been happy, and she had been afraid his misery would rub off on her and her family, now she realized that happiness was definitely a relative term. It made her blood run cold.

She stood beside Ranma with chills running up and down her back as the two of them watched Ryoga wonder off as though he had completely forgotten them, or why he had struggled so hard to find Ranma. His behavior made absolutely no sense whatsoever to her. _The world really is sick and strange,_ she thought; her mind echoed an oft repeated saying of her eldest sister.


	11. Volume 2 Part 3: Duel

**Volume 2 Part 3: Duel**

 _[Note: The Viz title for this section is "Bread Feud." In Japanese it is Taiketsu, which is the Japanese word for duel.]_

In far off Kyrgyzstan, at an elevation of 1,500 meters on the lower slopes of the Tian Shan _(Heavenly Mountains)_ range, Ryoga Hibiki was marching through a forest of nothing but native walnut trees. He had no idea of where he was or how he got there. His focus was limited to what he would do to Ranma Saotome the next time he saw the pig-tailed aqua-transsexual.

 _[Cultural Note: Juglans regia, known here in the US as the "English Walnut" or "White Walnut," originated in Persia and then was spread outward from its homeland by traders. Mostly because trading perishable nuts over long distances will not make enough money for such trade to be worthwhile. But, if a person likes the nuts, he will pay tons of money for seedling trees that produce those nuts._

 _A literal translation of the scientific name into English is "Jupiter's Testicles Rule." That was what the ancient Romans called these trees. There was no need for Renaissance Era scientists to come up with a Latin name for it. They simply followed the judgment of the ancient Romans. The nuts and lumber from these trees literally rule._

 _Juglans regia has the widest range of any nut tree known to man, mostly because mankind is so fond of the meat of its nuts that the tree has been deliberately spread around the globe. Kyrgyzstan, however, has the largest natural stands of Juglans regia of any nation on earth. There are nations that have larger planted orchards of Juglans regia, but because Kyrgyzstan once straddled the old Silk Road trade route, it is the one place besides Iran where the Persian Walnut took off on its own and formed_ _entire forests of a single species._

 _Kyrgyzstan is where in the hell Ryoga is now. It's a wonder that he has not been shot for trespassing. Let us assume that not getting shot is merely another part of his curse. Perhaps it is divine retribution for something one of his ancestors did, who knows? But Ryoga does not get lost; he stays lost, and this time, he has blundered his way from Japan to the far off walnut forests of Kyrgyzstan.]_

Ryoga's focus on Ranma was so intense and his anger so strong that he launched into a soliloquy as he tramped through the crunching leaf litter.

"I shall have my vengeance on you, Ranma!"

Ryoga rolled a pair of walnuts in his right hand as he marched on through the tangled jumble beneath the towering walnut trees.

"You sorry bastard! You have turned my life into shattered wreck! It's like oatmeal now."

With that, Ryoga crushed the walnuts he had been carrying and then scattered the pieces about with no thought of actually eating any of the now ripe walnut meat. He picked up a single nut, holding it between his thumb and forefinger on his right hand.

"I shall crush your windpipe just as I am crushing this walnut. Just you wait, Ranma.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Nerima-cho, Onna-Ranma was sitting on the engawa of Tendo-ke with his back to the chanoma ( _Westerners would think of the chanoma or tea room as the living room. In Japan it is always the room with its floor covered by tatami or rice straw mats._ ) where Nabiki and Akane were having a spot of tea. It was twilight, and the street lights were coming on as the stars came out one by one.

Onna-Ranma was wearing neither shirt nor bra again, and the sensitive nipples of his ample breasts were covered by the ends of a towel he wore around his neck. His dark colored, almost black pants were soaked with water from the koi pond so he had not gone inside the house.

"Why is that guy so angry with you, Ranma?" Akane asked. She had never seen anyone so angry as to be insane as Ryoga Hibiki had been earlier in the day. "It had to have been something serious."

"I wish I knew what to say..." Onna-Ranma started to answer, but Kasumi stepped out onto the engawa with a kettle of hot water in her left hand and a neatly folded letter in her right.

"Ranma-kun," Kasumi said, "I have a letter here for you. It's from a Ryoga Hibiki."

"Ryoga?" Ranma asked. The surprise in his high pitched voice was genuine.

Akane could see that Ranma was confused as well as surprised, as though he were completely shocked by having received any mail at all, let alone a letter from someone who hated him as badly as the Hibiki guy did.

She hastened to slide over to the shirtless girl-type Ranma so that she could see the letter once he opened it. She recognized even before Onna-Ranma pulled the entire letter out of its envelope. It was a _watashijou_ \- a formal letter requesting a person-to-person duel.

Martial artists in old Japan had carefully developed a strict protocol for dealing with such matters as duels. Akane had no doubts about how her currently female fiancé would react to it, but Ranma surprised her by not even pulling the letter out of the envelope. Instead, he put his frail feminine right hand against his face and groaned aloud with frustration.

Akane decided that she had had enough. "Something is very wrong, here. This is not trivial thing. Ryoga is the very form of resentment."

At this, Onna-Ranma crumpled the letter up into a wad in his left hand, as he stopped looking mystified and frustrated. He sat up straighter as though he had remembered something and was now suddenly alert.

"I knew it!" Akane exclaimed.

Nabiki crawled across the tatami room floor until her hands were on the planks of the engawa. Her head was directly behind Onna-Ranma;s head as she spoke in a voice heavily freighted with sarcasm.

"It has had a sudden flash of insight!"

Onna-Ranma went right on talking in a distant voice as though he had not heard the sarcasm in Nabiki's voice.

 _He does often miss the subtler things going on around him_ , Akane thought. _Nabiki's wisecracks go right over his head most of the time. It must have something to do with how he was raised._

"If I am remembering correctly - I was only there for a short time that one trimester - lunch period was a battle. The vendors never brought enough food for all the students. Worse, Pops never bothered with enough food to last more than one meal. We'd eat a tiny breakfast in the mornings and then I'd go off to school with just enough money to buy my lunch."

 _[Cultural note: Among the many differences between Japanese schools and Western schools is that almost none of the Japanese schools had cafeterias at the time Ranma ½ was written. Very few of them even had showers for students to use after physical education class, and you should note that Furinkan is not shown to have its showers in the same building as the classrooms. They are depicted as being in detached buildings. Japanese schools do not have janitorial staff the way western schools do. The students are required to keep the school clean. Also, Japanese school years are longer than the school years we have here in the US and their educational year is divided up into three periods that we would refer to as a trimesters.]_

"That doesn't explain the fighting at lunch time," Akane said, in her oh-so-delicately-skeptical voice.

Onna-Ranma cut his sky blue eyes over at her then rolled them up to glance at the heavens before continuing his recollection.

"The only food vendor at that school was this fat lady with a bad temper. The guys would all sprint down the hall to the lunchroom to buy their lunches, and she would just throw the food out at random, shouting out what it was. Everybody stomped on everybody else to get whatever it was she was pitchin' that day."

Onna-Ranma shook his head.

"I can still hear her screechy voice today. Finally, when she got down to the last piece of whatever she was selling that day she'd shout somethin' like, 'Okay, here's the last curry bread of the day!' Then she'd pitch it up really high into the air - almost to the ceiling."

Ranma paused, clearly struggling to remember details.

Akane urged him to continue his tale. "Go on!" She said in a vaguely irritated voice. "Tell us what happened."

"The first day I didn't get nothin' ta eat 'cause I wasn't expectin' a mob to be there yappin' and snarlin' like a bunch of hungry dogs, but I was ready on the second day. When the fat lady threw the last meal she had up into the air I was ready. I jumped for it. The only thing was, Ryoga was goin' for it at the same time. I caught it in my teeth while planting both of my feet on top of his head."

Akane heard her elder sisters grunt with surprise at this claim, but she had seen Ranma do such things before. He had an uncanny, almost supernatural talent for jumping high into the air without so much as a step for a start. Given two steps he could leap to the top of house. Akane believed every word he had said.

"Go on, then. Tell us everything," Akane said what she hoped was an encouraging tone of voice.

Onna-Ranma continued to stare off at something that was a great distance away from them.

 _Maybe he can see through time_ , Akane thought. _He can do do so much that looks like magic it just might be an innate talent._

"Every lunch break was a war at that all boys school."

Akane took care to flinch at the same instant her sisters did.

"As I touched down, Ryoga demanded my name, so I told him that I was Ranma Saotome. He was so furious that he had tears in his eyes. He said that he would remember the offense of me taking the curry bread from him." Onna-Ranma paused to sigh and shake his head before going on with his story. "Every lunch break at that all boys school was a war."

"All Boys School?" The three Tendou girls asked in chorus. The three of them recoiled with horror and stared at Onna-Ranma with heartfelt sympathy. They were deliberately baiting him and it infuriated Onna-Ranma.

[Cultural note: An all boys school in Japan is covered by one word, _danshikou_ , rather than a phrase of words. All girls schools are referred to as a _joshikou_.]

"In those days I was perfectly male all the time without a break!" Onna-Ranma shouted in his very high pitched female voice.

Akane watched Onna-Ranma wince and shake the scarlet tresses Jusenkyou had given him out of his pretty face.

 _The curse saddens and shames him,_ she thought. _Perhaps there is something about Jusenkyou that picks out just the right curse for its victims. He damned sure needs his smug and superior attitude about women adjusted, but that certainly doesn't explain this new guy's anger at Ranma._

"That guy is much too angry. You must have done something besides stealing his curry bread," Akane said as Kasumi poured hot water on Onna-Ranma's head, revoking his curse.

"Ya got that right!" Ranma said in firm agreement, but then he went on in a more speculative tone saying, "When we struggled...Aha! The next day, I beat him to the last fried noodle bread ( _yakisoba pan_ ) - and the next day it was croquette bread, and after that it was melon bread - and then I beat 'im to the pork cutlet sandwich and then finally it was meat bread."

By the time Ranma had reached the end of his tale, Akane and her two sisters were sympathizing with the Random Return Man. All of them were gritting their teeth as they stared at the table with heartfelt frustration.

"If you allow dust to accumulate you soon have a real headache," Kasumi said in a sad voice as she poured the tea.

Ranma sat facing out of the engawa in embarrassed silence. Akane had cut her eyes over toward Ranma to show how well she understood how his stomach ruled his actions, but then she continued to read the letter.  
"Wait, Ranma! This says that the challenge is for today!" Akane exclaimed in an alarmed voice.

"That's all right, Akane," Ranma said in a bored voice. "His sense of direction is so bad that he's lost right now..." 

* * *

Elsewhere and likely far away, Nerima _is_ a large piece of real estate after all, Ryoga is looking ninety degrees away from a farmer who has a pull cart loaded down with freshly harvested daikon. "So, Tokyo is this way..."

"It's this way!" The farmer shouted pointing in the direction he was pulling the cart. "Why are you going that way?"

* * *

A week later, on a clear day in the Furinkan schoolyard, Ranma stood as still as a statue while the wind danced with his clothing and hair. Around him were several students preparing to watch as tension filled the air as though a storm was brewing.

Behind Ranma a male student called out, "Oy, over here! Saotome is about to engage in a duel!"

Akane and two of her friends were already sitting seiza waiting for the fight to start.

Ryoga got things rolling with a verbal jab, "Ranma, you finally stopped running and show up."

Ranma grimaced at that statement. "Wait, Ryoga. I didn't come here to fight."

Then, with no warning and almost faster than any human eye could follow, Ranma launched a cellophane package at the fuming Ryoga. Ryoga caught by reflex alone. He looked down at it and saw that it was labeled _karepan_ , or curry bread, the item he and Ranma had their first conflict over.

"What is this about?" Ryoga asked in a hissing voice.

"It's water under the bridge," Ranma answered in a calm voice. He clearly expected Ryoga to calm down.

"You're joking!" Ryoga screamed angrily.

"Geez, you're a greedy bastard," Ranma exclaimed. He then flipped another package at Ryoga saying, "Here, noodle bread!"

Then, Ranma flung every kind of bread made in Tokyo at Ryoga which Ryoga caught until both his arms were full. Ryoga remained furious and grew more so with each package Ranma threw at him. He was shaking as though he might explode by the time Ranma ran out of packaged bread to throw.

"That is the everything I can remember," Ranma said.

"What are you thinking, you sorry ass?" Ryoga shouted.

"You wanted payback for all that bread I took, right?"

"Who said anything about a bread eating contest?" Ryoga paused to grit his teeth. "This stuff is stale!" Ryoga shouted as he ripped his pack off and placed on the grass in front of him.

"You're a week late," Ranma answered coldly, as he held is arms akimbo.

"Well, I didn't enjoy that week!" Ryoga shouted as he presented the end of his umbrella to Ranma as though it were a fencer's foil. "Let's go, you son-of-a-bitch!"

With that, Ryoga started lunging at Ranma with his umbrella in much the same fashion as a western fencer might have used a foil or an epeé. Ranma stuck both hands in his front trouser pockets and calmly walked backwards to avoid Ryoga's lunges.

"Hang on now," Ranma said as he was forced to leap into the air to meet a change in attack by Ryoga. "Wait a second! We need to speak reasonably about this."

"You have shown me hell, you bastard!" Ryoga lunged again at Ranma, just barely missing his mark.

"Sorry, but I don't understand any of this." Ranma said over his shoulder as the two of them settled onto the grass.

"We could talk forever and a day, you asshole, and you still would not understand my pain!" Ryoga shouted as he opened his umbrella. Then, with a powerful twist of his wrist he cast the umbrella at Ranma, forcing it to spin on its long axis. Ranma dodged it just as he had dodged Ryoga's other attacks. However, it was enough of a distraction for Ryoga to move in close as he ripped a bandanna from his head. He used it to tie himself to Ranma at their wrists.

"Now you won't be able to trickle around like a stream of water, and you won't be able to run away from me," Ryoga said. He had a victorious gleam in his eye as he said it.

Ranma blocked off a powerful right handed ridge hand with his left forearm as he noticed that Ryoga still had a bandanna on his head.

Ryoga's umbrella, spinning like a top, sailed over the heads of the onlookers who were sitting on the grassy banks around Furinkan's soccer field. It rumbled overhead like a helicopter as it looped around and dropped toward the turf. It dug a deep groove in the turf as it passed near three unwary boys before finally nosing over upside down and stopped spinning.

Neither Ranma nor Ryoga paid any attention to where the umbrella had flown or what it was doing. They were entirely focused on their fight. Ranma dodged yet another right-handed ridge hand from Ryoga, rather than blocking it off the way he had done the last time. This attempt missed as well, which frustrated Ryoga no end.

Much to Ryoga's shock and chagrin, he found that with their wrists tied together, he was just as handicapped as his hated rival. Ranma had done enough stretches that he may as well have been made from some special form of rubber - perhaps even mercury. He just flowed around Ryoga's powerful blows, any one of which would have knocked Ranma dead, despite his being bound to Ryoga at the wrist.

"Ryoga, how many of those bandannas have you got wrapped around your head?" Ranma shouted back. They grunted together as Ranma blocked Ryoga's kick with one of his own.

"Is that all you have to bitch about?" Ryoga shouted back, as he tried to land another high kick. Ranma fended off his vicious attack yet again, so Ryoga tried to hit him with an overhand right. Ranma flung his head to his right to avoid the punch, frustrating Ryoga even more.

Off to one side, Akane sat watching intently. She could here two of the boys off to her right hissing with amazement and to her left and behind her were two girls, both of whom were frightened out of their wits. Behind them and a little further to her right were two other boys wears sitting and one of them leaned over to the other and said in a loud, hoarse whisper, "Saotome has met his match!"

Then off to her left she heard yet another boy exclaim, "What the hell! This monk's umbrella is..."

 _[Translation note: The word the boy used was "kasa," which is noun used for the clothing and other accoutrements for Buddhist monks.]_

Something in the boy's voice alarmed Akane; she rose to her feet and started toward him. "What is the matter?"

"This thing is so _awfully_ heavy!" the boy replied in an amazed voice.

Akane Tendo was one of the slimmer girls attending Furinkan, but she was also one of the school's strongest people. She had worked out for so long and so often that her muscles had acquired the hardness and strength of the cables used to make suspension bridges. Her powerful physique was very well known to her fellow students, especially the boys. Both of them respectfully moved to the side as Akane dropped to her knees and seized the red umbrella in her hard and powerful hands.

 _He handles this heavy monk umbrella easily with one hand?_ Akane thought with alarm. _A full time blacksmith isn't that strong!_

Akane jumped to her feet and screamed out, "Ranma! Don't try fighting in close with him!"

Green tendrils of angry ki swirled around Ryoga as he tried to hit Ranma with an open handed strike with his right hand.

"If that guy gets his arms around you, you're done! Keep proper fighting distance..." Akane's voice trailed off as Ryoga's hard right hand ripped toward Ranma's face. His thumbnail raked Ranma's left cheek.

Ranma grimly wiped at his bleeding cheek with the back of his right hand. "See you then. It took you a while to show your seriousness, but I can take it."


	12. Volume 2 Part 4: The Duel Continued

**Volume 2 Part 4**

 **The Duel Continued**

In the large section of northeastern Tokyo known as Nerima, within the yard of one of Nerima's high schools, Furinkan, two young men were engaged in battle. One of them was determined to fight to the death; the other could only be described as sardonic. He had been training with his malicious father for most of his life, and understood that it takes a great deal of effort to kill someone in a fight with the bare hands, especially someone as hardened as he was. Ranma clearly did not take the battle as seriously as his unexpected challenger did.

Ranma's casual attitude toward his opponent alarmed Akane. She had tried to lift the challenger's umbrella and it was so heavy that she could barely lift one end of it, yet the young man in the yellow hemp shirt handled it as though the umbrella were a mere feather.

"Ranma!" Akane shouted, "That guy has the strength of a real monster, so keep your fighting distance right!" Akane fell silent, hoping that she had not let notes of panic creep into her voice.

Out on the field, Ranma's opponent gave him an knowing grin as he locked the muscles in his left arm and drew back his right. "Ha, your realization is late!" The random return man shouted as he attempted to seize Ranma by the throat with his hand held in a rigid claw-like state.

Ranma was not the least bit dismayed; he fell back so that his full weight pulled at Ryoga's wrist, and took full advantage of Ryoga's horse riding stance by driving his feet between the larger boy's legs. Ranma then landed a double kick to Ryoga's upper back by pummeling him with balls of both feet; he then rode his momentum further, forcing Ryoga to bend at the waist and collapse to his knees. This ended with Ryoga in a three point crawling position with Ranma sitting astride Ryoga's back as though he were riding a horse.

"So, Ryoga, what was it that you were wishing for?" Ranma asked in cheerfully mocking voice.

"How dare you force me to crawl!" Ryoga shouted back. He was down on both knees and one hand, because he had tied his other hand tied to Ranma's, and Ranma was pulling on it hard enough to strain Ryoga's arm socket.

Then the Random-Return-Man's face reddened; his greenish ki flared around him and Ranma in stormy swirls. He kipped his legs and Ranma into the air so that he was doing a one-armed handstand still clinging to his back with both knees gripping Ryoga's rib cage.

The the teenagers in the crowd watching were amazed at this. A wave of gasps and murmurs rolled through the gathered observers; even Akane stared in wide-eyed horror. They were shocked into open mouthed silence when the furious challenger did something even more astounding. Using his one free arm, he bent it at the elbow and launched himself and Ranma high into the air.

One boy in the crowd exclaimed, "With just one arm? Unimaginable!"

Another said, "It can't be so!"

Genma had taught Ranma that there would always be someone bigger and stronger than him, so he remained calm and reflective. While he and his hemp wearing opponent were airborne, he threw his weight around and pulled against the bandanna that held their wrists together so that they were now head down, with Ranma about to hit the ground first. Ranma put out his left hand to catch the weight of the two of them, bending his arm at the elbow to cushion the impact. Had he not trained daily for years against his much larger father, he would have simply butted the ground with his face, instead, Ranma stopped their motion with his bent arm and then straightened his legs out in another double kick. The bandanna snapped as his now stunned opponent sailed off into the burning blue sky. The hemp-clad monster was clearly unconscious as he sailed away.

"Wah!" Shouted one observer.

"What madness!" Exclaimed another.

Ryoga sailed over their heads and slammed into the embankment at the feet of a completely shocked Akane Tendo. Ryoga had recovered his consciousness by then, or the fight would have ended then and there, but he was conscious by the time his shoulder blades and the back of his head slammed into the grass covering the hard packed dirt of Furinkan's yard. Before Ryoga could re-orient himself, Ranma pressed his counterattack. He had leapt into the sky right after he had kicked the Random-Return-Man off into the wild blue. By the time Ryoga hit the ground, Ranma was descending and delivered a roundhouse kick to his opponent's head.

The hemp clad Hibiki was nothing if not tough and determined. He kicked at Ranma with his left leg and then rolled onto his belly and scrambled toward his nearby umbrella. Ranma was unable to stop him because he had been forced to fend off Ryoga's kick.

Ryoga seized his umbrella with his right hand, then lunged at his hated opponent shouting, "Take this!"

Ranma was once again in the air, but he dodged the thrust by twisting his upper body to his right, but something sharp on the end of the umbrella snagged the heavy cloth of his shirt, ripping it open as though it were mere cellophane.

As his feet touched the ground, Ranma shouted, "I really liked this shirt! What have to say for yourself?"

"We are in the middle of a fight! Stop screeching like a little girl!" Ryoga shouted back.

This infuriated the Saotome-childe. He launched a right-legged side kick at Ryoga who leaped back into the air to avoid it as best he could.

"Oops!" Ryoga shouted out in surprise.

Ranma had jumped so hard that a swirling cloud of grass leaves fluttered behind him as he sailed toward Ryoga.

"Wha!" the crowd shouted in chorus. They had never seen a fight like this one. Ryoga sailed over the five meter high hurricane fence backwards and Ranma followed with a mighty leap that carried him up so high that he cleared the tall fence by at least a meter.

The two combatants bounced off the hard ground on the far side of the fence as though they were a pair of soccer balls, with Ryoga leading the way.

"They jumped over the fence!" a member of the crowd shouted.

"Let's all follow them!" shouted another as they stampeded to their right to get around the tall fencing.

Ryoga landed on a drinking fountain and looked over his shoulder only to see the now descending Saotome-childe, whose eyes were focused on Ryoga like those of a stooping peregrine coldly seeking its prey.

"Now you take back what you said!" Ranma screamed as he missed Ryoga with his right foot, striking the concrete drinking fountain instead. The drinking fountain shattered and the plumbing inside was ripped open as the concrete failed under the Saotome-chlde's slightly off-target assault.

The following crowd stopped and stared at the column of water that spewed high above the treetops.

"What's with the water column?" one of them asked in a loud voice.

"Ranma..." Akane whispered in alarm, knowing that Ranma's curse would be invoked if he had been hit with cold water. He would be at a great disadvantage against the unimaginably powerful Random-Return-Guy in his cursed form. His girl side lacked the reach and power of his male side, and the Random-Return-Guy was like an ambulatory bronze statue. He would make very short work of Ranma in his cursed form.

Ryoga was so busy shielding himself from the spraying water with his now opened umbrella that he lost track of his opponent. His keen sense of danger kicked in just in time to save him. A pissed off and shoe less Onna-Ranma came flying over the rim of the red umbrella and touched down lightly on his now dainty feet. Ryoga was taken aback at the sight of this extraordinary girl.

 _Where did she come from?_ He wondered. _Did she just pop up out of the ground or something?_

"Let's go!" Onna-Ranma shouted in her screechy voice.

Onna-Ranma's ample breasts peeked out at Ryoga from the tear in Ranma's Chinese style shirt. Ryoga was very distracted by the appearance of Onna-Ranma's pinkish nipples and jiggling flesh.

"Wa...wait just a second!" Ryoga choked out. Now to embarrassed to fight. "Who are _you_?"  
"What? Are you half asleep, you son-of-a-bitch?" Onna-Ranma screeched back as he took to the air again, sailing in the Random-Return-Guy's direction. Onna-Ranma got close enough to get in a solid right to Ryoga's left ear thanks to Ryoga being so captivated by the sight Onna-Ranma's breasts. Onna-Ranma followed up that blow with a sharp front snap kick to Ryoga's chin which staggered the ambulatory piece of bronze back a few steps. The kick also reminded Ryoga of someone he had fought before.

"Ra...Ranma?" Ryoga stammered.

"Who are you staring at, you great idiot of a bastard?" Onna-Ranma screamed out. Onna-Ranma was now beside himself with fury and embarrassment.

Off to Onna-Ramma's left, Akane was embarrassed as well. "Wait, Ranma, your breasts..."

Onna-Ranma looked down at his bust and stared in horror.

"Eh! Ah!" Onna-Ranma gasped out.

Akane was deeply disturbed by Ranma's plight. "You didn't even feel it when you changed, did you?"

Ryoga was stymied as well. "Ranma, you..."

"Fooey! This is so strange that you should be laughing your ass off!" Onna-Ranma choked out. "Ryoga, I don't know why _you_ are so bitter, but I have body like this and I stay bright and move on."

Ryoga responded with a long, bitter laugh. "How disgusting you are! You son-of-a-bitch you dare to speak of misery to me?"

Ryoga began pulling his bandanna and it came away in his hand, but to the surprise of everyone watching, there was still another bandanna. He pulled at that bandanna and it came away in his hand. He repeatedly pulled at the damned thing and every time another bandanna came away in his hand. While he was pulling off one bandanna after another, he began shouting, "You have that sexy figure and pretend to be sad?"

Ryoga then did something strange with the bandannas and they became straight and rigid. He bobbed his fist and they began spinning like metal propellers.

By this time, Onna-Ranma had learned to use his curse against the male population around him; he was now doing his best to look like a miserable innocent little girl who did not know what to do, but the robot-like Hibiki knew Ranma for his cunning, and was determined to show his long hated opponent how cows eat cabbage.

"That is the very definition of ridiculous!" Ryoga screamed as he flung the rigid bandannas at Onna-Ranma.

"Wah!" Onna-Ranma yelped as the now rigid and sharp bandannas whirred and hummed through the air around him and Akane.

The crowd following the battle was catching up. They had rounded the fence and were running through the trees to get to the fight.

One of them shouted, "Follow me!"

Another was shouting, "This way! This way!"

But they were surprised and brought to a panicky stop by Ryoga's steel-like bandannas. The dangerously sharp pieces of cloth slashed small limbs and leaves around the boys in the crowd as they approached, forcing them to duck and dodge while making frightened noises.

Akane had seen many a disturbing fight in her young life, but nothing like this. She knew that the best and safest way to put an end to it was to rid her fiancée of his curse.

"I'll fetch hot water!" She shouted as she turned to run back to where she knew a kettle was simmering for tea.

Onna-Ranma believed this to be a mistake. That no one should ever turn their back on what was, in essence, an enraged animal, which is precisely how the raging Hibiki was behaving.

The Random-Return-Guy had allowed his temper to seize full control of his person, which was what Ranma tried to do to every opponent he met. If you cannot think and fight on instinct alone, you are vulnerable and, as we have seen, Ryoga was much like an ambulatory statue made of gun metal. He was hard to hurt under normal circumstances, so long as he was able to think, he was very dangerous.

Ranma had been teasing him into a mindlessly enraged state since they had first met, but there are definite shortcomings to such a technique. A mindless martial artist is just like a pawing bull. If you run, he'll chase you and Akane, however good her intentions, was running away from the dangerous animal that was Ryoga Hibiki.

"No, you idiot!" Onna-Ranma screamed in his screechy female voice he hated. He turned and reached in vain after the quickly moving Akane Tendo.

 _Gotta hand it to her, she's fast when she's motivated,_ Onna-Ranma thought. _Too fast._

"It's time to stop this shit! I'm fetching you some hot water! I'll be fine."

And, Akane would have been fine had it not been for the misplaced root of a nearby tree. Her toe hung on it and she fell to the ground-hard.

Ranma broke his own rules of combat, long ago written in both sweat and blood when turned his back on a still raging opponent, and compounded his error as he ran after Akane to see how badly she was hurt.

 _Dammit! I'm not supposed to be falling for the mark,_ Onna-Ranma thought. _Why am I doing something this stupid?_

Ryoga was, true to his enraged state, ready willing and able to take full advantage of Ranma's distraction, uncaring about the nature of Ranma's distraction, this was Ranma he was fighting and this was payback.

The only thought in Ryoga's head was, _He's vulnerable; attack now!_ And he used his folded umbrella as though it were a heavy spear, launching at the hated Saotome-childe's back.


End file.
